


The Choice (A Reylo fan fic)

by Hellyjellybean



Category: Star Wars, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angry Kylo Ren, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Developing Relationship, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force-Sensitive Leia Organa, Hux Has No Chill, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Jedi Rey, Jedi Training, Kissing, Kylo Ren Angst, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren and Rey Are Not Related, Kylo needs a release, Lightsabers, Long-Distance Relationship, May the Force Be With You, Misuse of the Force, Post-Star Wars: Return of the Jedi, Protective Kylo Ren, Rey accidentally adopts two Vornskr, Rey likes being in control, Secret Relationship, Slow Burn, Slow Burn Rey/Kylo Ren, The Dark Side of the Force, The Force, The Force Ships It, handjob, slowest burn ever
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-29
Updated: 2018-08-24
Packaged: 2019-04-14 15:25:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 47,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14138910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hellyjellybean/pseuds/Hellyjellybean
Summary: A note of caution. This is going to be the ultimate Rey and Ben slow burn. I’m going to keep this relationship simmering as long as I can.... you will suffer with how slowly I am going to draw out this relationship. You may want to hit me. If you, like me, enjoy the delicious pain of slow burns and angst that goes on for days.....read on. :-)There will be much more to come. :-)A Little Preview:She felt the force around her like a cool breeze. It wanted in. She tried to keep it at bay. She knew the force would lead her to him. She felt their bond swirl around her like a brewing storm. She wasn’t ready. She didn’t feel strong enough yet. She worked on the broken saber day and night, hoping it could be salvaged and wishing desperately that by fixing its smashed up parts, she could also be restored to her former ignorant self. When everything was simpler and less complicated and she didn’t have any knowledge of the man with a heart full of darkness but eyes full of longing.





	1. Chapter 1

Training was useful. It distracted her mind. It held her focus. It kept her sharp. She pushed her body until her muscles screamed. Exhaustion was her goal. The deeper she slept the less chance the thoughts would creep into her head. Thoughts of that day. When she had made a choice that would forever haunt her.

She knew she was right. She knew she had the high ground, that she had made the right decision for everyone involved. So why did something in the pit of her stomach feel wrong? And why couldn’t she stop thinking about him?

Him. The enemy, turned conspirator. The man who consumed her dreams both good and bad. The man whose soft use of the word ‘please’ in such stark contrast with his dark intentions, had made her want to accept his outstretched hand. She knew she shouldn’t think of him. Yet she couldn’t escape those eyes. She knew those eyes so well now. She saw what he hid behind them. Need, desire, hope. She had felt his anticipation for her answer that day and had been shocked by the discovery that part of her had wanted to accept him.

Part of her still wanted to accept now, but her loyalty to the alliance held her steady. She felt welcomed and loved by them all, but the abilities she displayed which continued to grow, were beginning to make her see she was not one of them. It appeared that people still couldn’t help but deify the Jedi. Whispers followed her footsteps. She caught sweeping glances of awe and wonder directed at her. Leia has noted with pride that she was becoming something like a living legend. Rey knew she didn’t want that. It was a lonely undesirable existence.

Most of the rebels were too awestruck to talk to her, and her friends were so busy now that their numbers were so few, they often could not be spared from their duties to spend time with her. Rey struggled to find her place amongst them.

She felt the force around her like a cool breeze. It wanted in. She tried to keep it at bay. She knew the force would lead her to him. She felt their bond swirl around her like a brewing storm. She wasn’t ready. She didn’t feel strong enough yet. She worked on the broken saber day and night, hoping it could be salvaged and wishing desperately that by fixing its smashed up parts, she could also be restored to her former ignorant self. When everything was simpler and less complicated and she didn’t have any knowledge of the man with a heart full of darkness but eyes full of longing.

Kylo threw a datapad clear across his quarters. He had read the same line fifty times. Stop it. He told himself. Just stop thinking about her. His brain did not comply. Since the defeat the pressure he was under was suffocating. Hux was breathing down his neck hard and he knew he had to show he was worthy to lead, worthy of his new title. That meant no distractions. Complete control. But his mind would not let him rest. Image after image of Rey played in his mind like a faded holo reel. Kylo sat on the bed with his head in his hands. He has to forget the little scavenger. It was the only way.

The planet they were hiding out in was rich with vegetation and Rey couldn’t get enough. One day, she found a clearing, green and lush, where trees shielded her from view and tiny little creatures the colour of rusted meta coils with large eyes and bushy tails, ran around curious about their new visitor. She sat cross legged on the grass enjoying the warmth of the two suns. She felt a calm settle over her, and for the first time in weeks she let her guard down.

Kylo has been called to a meeting to discuss dwindling support from the first orders investors since the ‘incident.’ Hux was passionately explaining his plans for future funding avenues, mainly organised around his own self-interests of course. Kylo was bored and it showed. He didn’t care for this side of war. Talking had never been his strong point. He was a closer with a saber not a contract. His temper bubbled. Just as he was about to force push Hux into a wall, his eye was drawn by a shard of light glimmering on the back of his hand. It felt warm. Then he heard a soft sigh. His heartbeat quickened. He would know that voice anywhere. When he looked up, his surroundings has morphed, he was surrounded by trees and he squinted as the planets suns beat down on him. His eyes focused on a shape sitting on the grass a few feet away was him. It was Rey. She had her back to him. He watched her shoulders rise and fall gently then stop suddenly. Kylo straightened up and prepared for a fight.

Rey felt a shiver down her spine. Someone was watching her, and here she was without her staff. Stupid. She had left herself completely exposed. She turned slowly, and her eyes widened as they met Ben’s. He looked so out of place, completely dressed in black amongst the greenery. He stuck out like a sore thumb. She almost laughed. A thousand thoughts ran through her mind but not one word left her mouth. They stared at each other. She could felt his confusion, it was as strong as her own. Rey stood and took a step towards him. Then another. Then another. Until she was so close she could reach out her hand and touch him. Part of her wanted to. The part that was still intrigued by his offer. Her hand twitched at her side. Kylo didn’t move. She realised that there was so much to say but neither of them wanted a fight that day, and so the silence between them grew.

Kylo had never felt more conflicted. Part of him wanted to end her life once and for all and end his suffering, the other part.... well it had others ideas how they could end their war. As she walked towards him, he couldn’t help but noticed how graceful her moves were, but by far her most interesting feature was her eyes, they were almost hypnotic. She held him prisoner with her gaze. Moments passed. It occurred to him that one of them should speak. He tried to formulate a sentence but his thoughts refused to form anything comprehensible. What on earth could the last Jedi and the Jedi killer have in common besides neglected childhoods? Before he could muster anything eligible, she faded away and he was once again looking at Hux who in comparison with his last view, was a rather unpleasant sight.

Rey looked from side to side. He was gone and she realised with surprise that she was disappointed. Despite their differences she knew they both recognised there was a kinship between them. Something that linked them to one another, be it loneliness, their sensitivity to the force, the heavy weight of responsibility which rested on both their shoulders, or maybe all of the above. She had so many questions she wanted to ask him, now that Luke was gone she was fully aware she needed someone to guide her. Could he be that someone? She shook her head. It was ridiculous to speculate. They were on different sides of a galactic war for goodness sake. As divergent as night and day. Yet she still felt the pull towards him even as she worked hard to build a mental wall between them.

Kylo left the meeting, shooting Hux a look which conveyed a threat should he choose to pursue the issue. Hux wisely decided to ignore Kylo’s absence. He headed straight for the training room. He destroyed battle droid after battle droid but still he remained uneasy. The exercise helped to exhaust his muscles but his mind remained entangled in her.

That night, Rey found it hard to sleep. She tossed and turned until at last she gave up and moved to her desk where the remains of her lightsaber lay. She quickly became engrossed in her work, now that salvaging wasn’t a way of life, it had become a comforting familiar hobby.

‘You don’t want to do that.’

The deep voice that came from behind her made her jump. She fought hard to make sure her voice appeared unaffected.

‘I don’t remember asking for your opinion.’

‘Fine. Go ahead. It will be interesting to see if I survive the explosion.’

She hesitated, then gave in. ‘Okay. You win.’

She put the pieces down and turned in her chair to face him. He was standing by her bunk with his hands clasped behind his back. Such a formal stance. In her small quarters he looked like a giant and she suppressed a grin.

_I can hear your thoughts Rey, so go ahead and smile._

Rey felt startled. Then curious. She reached out with her mind.

_Yes, you can hear mine too._

She felt Ben’s voice resonate in her mind. She noted his deep tone vibrated in her head in a soothing way.

‘I’m glad you are enjoying this.’ Ben drawled, seemingly simultaneously amused and irritated. 

Rey reprimanded herself for being too free with her thoughts.

‘Can’t you stop this from happening?’

‘Apparently not.’

‘Shouldn’t the link have severed by now if Snoke was the one cultivated it? He has been gone so long.’

Ben shrugged, ‘No one truly fully understands the force. Snoke probably didn’t really understand what he was doing when he connected us or perhaps he did, but he wouldn’t have spared a thought for our discomfort.’

Rey sighed, ‘I guess I’m stuck with you.’

‘From my point of view, it is I who is stuck with you.’

Rey rolled her eyes. Then chewed her lip as a thought occurred to her.

‘Could you fix this?’ She motioned to the saber.

Ben regarding it carefully, ‘perhaps....’

Rey’s eyes lit up. Ben tried not to let it affect him.....and failed miserably.

‘Could you teach me how?’ The hopeful tinge in her voice was annoyingly endearing. Ben considered her request. What was the harm? It seemed the link between them wasn’t going away anytime soon, what else were they going to do? Sit in silence? Kill each other? It also pained him somewhat to see the heirloom in such a state of disrepair. He was curious to see if it could be restored. He told himself that was all he was curious about. Though he knew it be a falsehood. 

‘I will try.’ Ben replied and was rewarded with a surprised smile from Rey. It made him feel.......well, it made him _feel_. The thought occurred to him that this arrangement was probably a dangerous mistake, but it was one he didn’t seem able to circumvent.

 


	2. A temporary truce

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben tries to teach Rey how to fix her  
> Broken saber and each tries to ignore their mounting attraction to each other.

‘No.’   
‘No.’   
‘No. Rey. Pay attention.’

Rey slammed the parts in her hands down on the table. She glared at Ben.

‘You’re not explaining it well enough!’

‘You aren’t listening.’

‘I am listening!’

‘I beg to differ.’

Rey threw a screwdriver at Ben’s head. He casually moved his head to the side as it flew past his ear and looked unimpressed.

‘Really?’

‘Stop infuriating me.’

‘I’m trying to help you, though I’m really struggling to understand what my reasons were for agreeing to that. You are being less than appreciative.’

Rey huffed, ‘I do appreciate it. It’s just that, I don’t understand why I can’t do this.’

‘You can, everything takes practice.’

‘This is what I do Ben, I fix things, I’ve never had to learn before, usually it just comes to me. I feel like I’m out of my depth.’

Rey pouted and Ben tried not to imagine capturing her full bottom lip between his teeth. Get a grip. He told himself roughly.

‘You’re not. This is your depth Rey. The force is strong with you. You just haven’t benefited from the training I have received. This is complex technology. Jedi’s build sabers and maintain them throughout their lifespan. It’s a very personal experience.’

He placed his hand on his own saber and gently caressed it. Rey watched his hand and tried not to imagine it caressing her skin instead.

‘Ben....’

He wished she wouldn’t say his name so softly. It sounded so.....intimate..... it stirred something inside of him.

‘What was it like for you?’

‘What?’

‘Growing up. With Leia and Han and Luke. With your family.’

‘I don’t consider them my family Rey. They held me back. They were afraid of my true potential. They wanted me dead rather than allow me to reach it.’

‘That’s not true....’

‘You know very little of my past Rey. Do not pretend to understand my upbringing. I don’t pretend to understand yours.’

Rey looked away, ‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought it up. I suppose I was just curious. I’ve never had anyone to call family.’

‘Sometimes that can be a blessing.’ Ben offered by way of comfort.

‘Trust me. It wasn’t. Can you imagine living on Jakku and being a vulnerable little girl, I’ve had to fight and struggle everyday of my life. Even as a young girl I had to learn to defend myself against men twice my size....’

Ben suddenly stood, his hands balled into fists at his side. His eyes blazed,

‘Tell me their names.’

‘It’s not important now....’

‘I will have them killed. Disgusting cowards like that do not deserve to breathe.’

‘Please calm down. I’m fine. So really you do not need to worry.’

Though she wished he would control his temper part of her was touched that he wanted to defend her honour.

‘Thank you for caring though. No one on Jakku ever came to my aid.’

Ben collected himself and sat back down.

‘The pathetic people of Jakku didn’t realise your worth Rey. You have so much potential locked inside of you. All you need to do is let go of your previous self and become who you are truly meant to be.’

‘What? Dark like you? I know in my heart that is not my path.’

‘We shall see.’

‘Do you mean to try and seduce me?’ Rey asked half serious, half playful.

Ben’s head filled with images. Oh he would like to seduce her, but not in the way she was thinking. He hoped she hadn’t picked up on his thoughts.

‘No. You would see through me. I think in time, you will come to me willingly.’

Rey felt her cheeks flush. If only he knew how tempting that sounded to her. To give in to Ben. To submit to him. Okay this was dangerous. She pulled her thoughts into safer territory.

‘I don’t think we will ever agree on that front Ben.’

‘I think you will come to see that my way is superior.’

‘Your way is more violent. All we want is peace.’

‘Peace cannot be achieved without some blood shed.’

‘Spoken like a true war monger.’

‘You forget your place Scavenger.’

‘You forget your manners Ben.’

They glared at each other. The air around them crackled with fury and arousal. Both of them felt it, but neither acknowledged it.

Ben turned his head.

‘Hux is here. I have to go.’

‘Oh say hi from me.’ Rey taunted.

Ben shook his head, ‘hysterical Rey really.’

Once she was alone, Rey took a deep breath and tried to calm her erratic heart. Every moment they spent together seemed to intensify the connection between them. It was equal parts frightening and thrilling.

That night when she slept, she dreamed of Ben stroking a gloved hand down her neck as he had stroked his sabers hilt.

‘Give in.’ He whispered into her ear.

She woke panting hard with sweat beads forming on her skin. Her body tingled with lust. Was she playing with fire by allowing Ben into her life? She wondered how much longer she would be able to resist her growing attraction to him.

Ben retired late that night and fell into a deep sleep. His thoughts were consumed with images of Rey’s delicate throat and jaw and the feel of her smooth skin against his gloved hand. When he woke he was sure he caught a hint of her lingering scent in the air, and though it was gone within a moment, he felt his manhood harden in response. 


	3. Blood Desires

Back to back meetings and so much still to learn. Kylo worried he was in over his head. Hux smirked at him from across the table, wallowing in his element. Kylo gripped his thighs under the table. He wanted to leave. He wanted to train. He wanted time to think about Rey. He wondered what she was doing at that moment. Was she training? Was she meditating? He forced him mind back to the meeting. Decisions needed to be made. Money needed to be raised. War was expensive and time consuming. Do you want this? He heard a voice that sounded suspiciously like Rey’s in his head. He pushed it aside. This was his choice. It was the only choice he had.

Rey practised manoeuvres with her staff, swiping at invisible enemies and trying to increase her speed to match her ability with the lightsaber. She couldn’t help but miss the feel of the powerful weapon in her hand, like an extension of her own body. She thought about Kylo’s saber, as wild and unpredictable as it’s owner. Focus Rey. She told herself. But it was hard not to remember those fierce eyes during battle, and then the look he has gave her as he had walked towards her.....she could only describe it as hun.....

‘If you lean on your right foot you will be able to balance easier.’

Kylo’s voice shocked her from her thoughts,

‘What?’ She asked, still startled.

‘If you lean more to the right, it will improve your balance and give you more power behind your swing. Should I show you?’

Before Rey could respond kylo walked towards her and stood with his chest against her back, he reached forward and held her staff with his hands pushed up against her own.

‘Lean on your right leg.’

Rey did as she was instructed and tried not to think about the warm feeling of his chest against her back or the gentle scrap of his gloved hands against her bare skin.

‘Now we swing, like this.’

Kylo moved the saber in her hands. She had to concede it was a more natural move for her.

‘You’re welcome.’ Kylo answered her thoughts then moved away before his body betrayed him through their close proximity. 

He had to admit that this compliant, obedient Rey appealed to him. 

‘Don’t you see how counter productive it is teaching your sworn enemy better fighting techniques?’ Rey said.

Kylo snorted, ‘If you were going to kill me you would have done it by now.’

‘Maybe I’m lulling you into a false sense of security.’ She suggested.

‘Maybe...or maybe there is another reason for your hesitation.’ Kylo said. Then without taking his eyes from hers he rubbed his gloved fingers on his neck. ‘Had any interesting dreams recently?’ He enquired.

Rey blushed furiously and turned away from him. How did he know about her dream? Unless he has really been...... oh god. Rey shook the thought away and  focused on practising the new move he had taught her.

‘My dreams are none of your business Ren.’

‘Agree to disagree.’ Kylo said calmly.

‘Why are you here?’ Rey asked. Feeling vulnerable and awkward.

‘I don’t know. I was in my quarters preparing for a meeting, and then I found myself here observing your flawed training techniques.’

‘My techniques are fine Kylo, as you may recall from the times I’ve brought you to your knees.’

Kylo pursed his lips and Rey tried and failed not to notice.

‘Luck and a slight influx of force power in your favour won you that fight, scavenger. Plus you will remember I was quite badly injured prior.’

‘Yes as I recall you were quite badly injured during as well.’

Kylo growled under his breath which sent a shiver down Rey’s spine. Suddenly he appeared in front of Rey so close she could feel his warm breath on her face. He grabbed her staff and threw it to the ground.

‘If you want a rematch. I am at your disposal little Jedi.’

‘Name the time and place.’

‘You don’t have the guts to face me again now I’m fully recovered.’

‘Try me.’

They stared at each other, both able to feel each others‘ pulses racing as well as their own. Their chests rising and falling rapidly. They searched each other’s eyes for sometime. Rey caught her lip between her teeth and Kylo’s eyes tracked the movement. Hungry. She thought involuntarily. Was it her imagination or had the temperature suddenly risen? She turned her back to Kylo, and tried to collect her thoughts. When she turned back, he was gone and Rey fell to the grass as her knees suddenly went weak. She wiped the back of her hand across her forehead then fanned her face. Why did Kylo’s visits always leave her feeling so confused and so........dissatisfied?

Kylo stood back in his own quarters. Frustration flowed through his veins and he punched the wall to alleviate the pressure. He felt calmer once he felt the searing pain travel through his knuckles on impact. He took a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair. He had wanted to put his hand around Rey’s throat and squeeze just enough to make her gasp, then he had wanted to press his lips to hers and claim the sound as his own. He had been right. The meetings between them were dangerous. 


	4. A small gesture

Rey lived in fear of someone finding out about the connection between Kylo and herself. She knew her friends wouldn’t understand, mainly because she didn’t truly understand herself. Why did they continue to be bonded? Why couldn’t they break it? And why did she feel like she would miss him if they were separated? The only thing she knew for sure was that their situation was very complicated.

She knew that Ben still resided within Kylo, but she didn’t know if he would ever be strong enough to become dominant once more, and if that happened what happened to Kylo? Would he remain trapped within Ben? Would be cease to be? She found both those ideas unsettling. As much as she wished Ben would return to the light, she found that the idea of loosing Kylo completely, made that scenario unappealing to her.

Maybe it was because she found Kylo so challenging. He goaded her into pushing herself harder than she has before. Under his tutorage she was could become a much improved fighter. She just wished she had a saber to practice with. They were still trying to salvage her broken saber but it was looking more and more unlikely. There were parts she needed she had little chance of finding without visiting some obscure trading posts and putting herself in danger of being discovered in the process. She still hasn’t disclosed her location to Kylo. There were some topics of discussion they both knew to stay away from, one of which was their growing attraction to one another.

Rey had to admit that the way he had looked at her the other day had made her feel something. She didn’t have much experience with the opposite sex but she believed what she has felt was arousal. Heat had flooded her body and her heart had thumped wildly in her chest. She knew he wanted to kiss her. She has felt his desire radiating from him. It has felt intoxicating and overwhelming. If she hadn’t turned away.... but she had and she was embarrassed to admit her reason. Not because she knew kissing Kylo was wrong, not because she didn’t want to, but simply because she has never kissed anyone before and she was afraid that her inexperience would diminish his opinion of her. ‘How’s that for a dysfunctional relationship?’ She muttered to herself. She didn’t want to loose face in the face of her mortal enemy. Oh, and she wanted to kiss him. Badly. She threw herself onto her bed head down. What a mess she had gotten herself into.

The bond was strengthening. He could sense her thinking about him. He felt a pull towards her, but resisted. He hasn’t visited her since their heated discussion though he badly wanted to. He wasn’t sure how they could continue with their disjointed friendship. He had no doubt she has felt his desire to kiss her. The thought made him grit his teeth with anger. He had revealed a weakness to his enemy. An unforgivable mistake and worse still, her reaction had been to turn away from him. She didn’t feel the same desire for him. She had rejected him. He was pathetic. Kylo felt disgusted with himself and worst of all, he still wanted to kiss her despite her reaction to him. He could feel his arousal straining against his pants when he remembered the feel of her back leaning against his chest, and the feel of her hips brushing him as she had adjusted her footing. Frustration and embarrassment fuelled his growing anger. He needed to destroy something.

‘Sir,’ Hux’s voice came over the intercom. ‘We have ships approaching. They aren’t responding to hails. We suspect they are scavengers looking for abandoned ships to strip. Shall we let them pass?’ Kylo smirked. Excellent timing. ‘No. i’m on my way.’ He responded.

Rey had been avoiding Leia for sometime. She was worried that she would see right through her to her connection to Kylo and put her into quarantine or worse exile her. So when Leia summoned her, she couldn’t calm her thoughts. She paced the floor of her small quarters. Why did she want to see her? Did she already know? Was she going to punish her? What was the punishment for cavorting with the enemy?

Kylo chucked in her head. Cavorting? Is that what you call it. Rey closed her eyes. She turned around slowly to find Kylo sitting on her bed.

‘I’m not in the mood for this. Your mother has requested my presence.’

Kylo straightened, ‘and you are worried that she knows about us.’ He has annoyingly plucked the information from her mind, but Rey let it go this time. 

‘Yes.’ Rey sat on the bed next to Kylo. ‘Do you think it likely?’

Kylo stared at the small space in between their knees. ‘I don’t know. It’s possible. She can wield the force, but it depends, there is a lot to consider. I doubt something like this would be on her radar unless, did you tell her about our previous discussions?’

‘No. They seemed too...private.’

Kylo raised an eyebrow at her but did not press the issue.

‘Then I would think not.’

Rey released the breath she had been holding suddenly feeling calmer. ‘Okay. Thank You.’

‘You’re welcome.’

She looked at Kylo and smiled. He was still looking down. His face looked strained. She frowned and followed his eyes, it was only then that she realised she had placed her hand on top of his. For a moment, she just looked at her hand touching his. Her hand was so small and slightly tanned, his in contrast was large and pale and warm. She could almost feel his blood flowing through it.

She glanced sideways at Kylo, he still wouldn’t meet her eyes.

‘You should go.’ He said swallowing hard.

Rey nodded and stood up. She reached for the door handle and turned just as she was about to leave, but he has already disappeared.


	5. Leia’s Orders

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey meets with Leia.

Rey stood before Leia. Her palms were sweaty. She tried to remain still but nervous energy flowed through her and she hopped from foot to foot. Leia looked up from the paperwork she was rifling through and smiled.

‘Rey relax, it’s just me. Not a firing squad.’

Rey smiled back, ‘Sorry Leia, I’m just anxious to know why you called me.’

‘I have a mission for you. I see how cooped up you are here, I think it will do you good to have a goal to focus on.’

Rey breathed out a sigh of relief,   
‘Yes I would like a chance to stretch my wings, got back into a cockpit. Where am I going?’

‘There is an outpost near here, on Getta 5. A trader has been letting his mouth run about how he knows the location of the first orders fleet. You must go and try to extract the information from him by whatever means necessary. I don’t have to tell you how much safer we would be if we knew their whereabouts.’

Rey swallowed hard as a lump formed in her throat. Guilt consumed her.

‘Yes I know. I will leave immediately.’

‘Good.’ Leia waves a hand and dismissed her returning to her disorganised paperwork. ‘Oh and Rey?’

‘Yes?’

‘Keep your guard up and may the force be with you.’

Rey left Leia’s makeshift office and leaned against the door with her eyes closed. A mission to find out the first orders location? Kylo wouldn’t like it....was there a way she could keep the information from him? And what had Leia meant when she said by any means necessary? She started towards her quarters to collect her things and hoped the bond wouldn’t connect her to Kylo until she had some time to think of a plan.

Leia finally found the document she was trying to locate. A run down of their supplies and what they had in reserve. The list was disappointingly short. The rebellion was dead in the water if they couldn’t find some way of increasing their funds. She hoped that Rey would be successful in her mission. That at least would give her meagre crew a badly needed moral boost. She silently hoped that Rey would be successful in all her endeavours. Leia felt that Rey’s secret meetings with Kylo were changing him. She could sense it, but Rey had chosen not to divulge the information to her just yet and she would respect her privacy for now. She sensed that Kylo meant her no harm and she found the relationship.....intriguing. She shook her head and smiled, this battle worn general still had a hopeful heart beating in her chest and she couldn’t help but wonder, could Rey be the key to finally bringing her son home?


	6. Worlds Apart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Kylo discuss her mission and Kylo makes her an offer.

When the connection had severed, Kylo had trained for hours. He pushed himself further than he had before until blood mixed with his sweat and trickled down his back in rivers of red. How could something as simple as Rey touching his hand affect him so much? The moment she had initiated contact his mind had conjured up so many different images of them together. Their naked bodies entwined, Rey arching her back and pulling him closer, deeper within her. He could still smell the delicate scent of her hair, feel the softness of her skin on his finger tips, if he closed his eyes he could still see her eyes dilated with lust, pleading with him to give her the release she craved....It had all seemed....so real.....and so....tempting. He had shut down in front of her, fearful he wouldn’t be able to hold back from making the images a reality. A thought came to him, perhaps these weren’t figments, could they be premonitions? Could it be that they were destined to be lovers? The idea appealed to him. Kylo sliced his saber through another training droid, for now his hunger would have to be sated through violence.

Rey packed what she needed, just the bare essentials, and headed for the hanger where she had been designated a small transporter. Something which hopefully wouldn’t attract any attention and would allow her to be identified as just another trader passing through. Her heart sped up. She was excited to be flying again. She almost skipped up the ramp and headed straight for the cockpit, her eyes darting around the controls, learning the dashboard layout. She closed the transporter doors and headed out. A dot flashed on her screen, her destination. All she had to do was stay on course and hope she didn’t run into any trouble.

‘Where are you going in this bucket of bolts?’ Kylo demanded.

Rey rolled her eyes just what she needed a lecture from her....well she didn’t have a clue what Kylo was to her.

The ship is fine for my needs. Leia gave me a mission, I can’t ignore direct orders.’

‘What is the mission?’

Rey was silent, Kylo’s eyes narrowed. She felt him reaching out into her thoughts. This was a futile exercise. He would find out sooner or later.

‘Okay I’ll talk! There is someone I have to find. Someone who might have information pertaining to the whereabouts of......your fleet.’ Rey flinched.

Kylo swallowed and set his jaw.

‘This is false intel. This outpost you are heading for is a trash heap. Nothing more. A hide out for outlaws and heathens. Head back. It’s not safe.’

‘I can’t. I have my orders. Leia wouldn’t have sent me if she didn’t think I could handle it.’

‘My mother’s judgement is not infallible. Turn around.’

Rey felt anger bubble within her,

‘No. You don’t tell me what to do. You could be lying to me. Perhaps you are just worried that I will find the information i came for.’

Kylo snorted, ‘you won’t, but by all means go on this fools errand and get yourself killed. It’s of little consequence to me.’

Rey hated to admit that that has stung a little, ‘why don’t you go back where you came from and leave me alone then?’

‘You know I don’t control this, I’m stuck here until the bond breaks.’

Rey gritted her teeth, ‘it’s goina to be a long journey.’

Kylo sat in silence. He felt guilt over the comment he had made. Of course it was of consequence to him if she died. Now she wasn’t speaking to him and the force bond didn’t look to be going away anytime soon. He was going to have to try an different tact. He did feel that Getta 5 was dangerous and he didn’t want Rey anywhere near it.

‘Rey,’ he said gently.

Something in his tone of voice made her turn and acknowledge him.

‘I don’t want you to do this and....I do care if you live or die. I....I don’t feel alone with you.’

Against her better judgement, Rey softened. ‘I have begun to feel comfortable in your company Kylo, but I don’t know how we can go on like this. The order expect you to destroy me, and the rebels expect me to destroy you. We are on opposite sides of a galactic war.’

‘I will give you our co-ordinates right now if you will come to me, you would not be my prisoner. You would be my guest. You would want for nothing. I could train you....’

‘I can’t. I can’t abandon them. Don’t you see? I’m a symbol of hope to them.’

‘I don’t care about the rebels! Let them fade away! I care about you!’ Kylo’s angry outburst had inadvertently revealed his true feelings.

Rey’s lips parted slightly in surprise.

They both sat in silence.

Part of Rey wanted to stay silent, she wanted to keep the upper hand, keep Kylo in the vulnerable position he had placed himself in, but as she looked at him, defeated and deflated, she couldn’t help but feel her heart reach out for him. She knew he felt it, because his eyes looked to hers, hopeful unguarded eyes and Rey knew she couldn’t hide it any longer.

‘I care about you too.’ She admitted softly.


	7. The Mission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey arrives at Getta 5 with an angry Kylo in tow....
> 
> I apologise if this chapter has mistakes. :-) I was on a train. :-)

All these soft glimpse of Ben beneath Kylo’s hardened exterior had Rey’s head in a spin. Could she trust the man? But still distrust the soldier? 

‘I’m still going to Getta 5.’ She said firmly. 

‘Argh! You’re infuriating. Why do you want to walk into that hell hole?’ 

‘Leia wouldn’t have sent me if she didn’t think.....’

Kylo pinched the bridge of his nose and paced the floor, ‘We’re going round in circles now. Fine go. Hopefully the bond will hold and I will be able to do something when you inevitably end up in trouble.’ 

The fact that Kylo cared enough to want to protect her warmed her heart and Rey smiled. Kylo gritted his teeth in response. Did she really just secure the first order’s supreme leader as her own personal body guard? The thought sent a little thrill through her.

‘Rey I can hear your thoughts remember?’ Kylo said exasperated. 

Rey pressed her lips together. ‘Sorry.’ 

When they arrived at Getta 5, Rey landed on the outskirts of town hoping to go un-noticed by the locals. She wrapped a grey head scarf around her head and over her mouth. 

‘Take the blaster.’ Kylo said pointing to a small black blaster attached to the wall of the shuttle. Rey retrieved it. 

‘Okay. Ready?’ She said cheerfully.

‘To watch this debacle? Absolutely. Lead on.’ 

Rey rolled her eyes. 

A cold wind hit them as they exited the shuttle and Rey shuddered. They plodded through tall grass heading for the lights of the small town. Rey rubbed her arms.

‘You should have brought more clothing. You are ill prepared for this mission. Let’s leave.’ 

‘Nice try Kylo. I’m going.’ 

‘I promise you this vagabond won’t be able to tell you anything. Unlike the rebels, we make sure all our friends are in high places.’ 

Now it was Rey’s turn to roll her eyes, ‘You know kyber crystals can grow anywhere, doesn’t make a lightsaber any less deadly if its crystal came from Jakku instead of Coruscant.’ 

Kylo’s mouth briefly twitched into a smile. 

‘The same can be said for Jedi apparently.’ He replied quietly and Rey smiled to herself. That was Ben. 

They reached the town and Rey took a deep breath, ‘Okay here we go.’ 

‘Watch that smart mouth of yours.’ And Kylo again. 

Rey feigned indignance, ‘how dare you! Anyway, I reserve me insults for you.’ 

‘I’m flattered.’ Kylo muttered. 

Rey entered the town squinting as her eyes adjusted to the lights. It was late, so the streets were almost deserted as she had hoped they would be. She looked for the bar that Leia had described to her. A few streets down she found it and she had to admit, to call it a reputable establishment would be a big stretch of the imagination. Kylo growled low. 

‘This place is full of low lives.’ Kylo said, disgustedly. 

‘Well stick close to me then.’ Rey said as she entered the sandstone building. Music was playing in the corner of the room. A creature with multiple arms was playing various instruments, some Rey recognised, some she didn’t. The bar keep was wiping down the make shift bar. Some of the regulars looked up from their mismatched wooden tables, interested in the newcomer. They only saw Rey. She couldn’t help but wonder what their faces would have looked like if they knew the supreme leader had entered the premises. Rey located her target and headed for his table. A man in his 40s with shabby clothing and a sullen expression. He didn’t look up as Rey approached. 

‘Caleb?’ Rey enquired.

‘Who’s asking?’ Caleb looked at Rey with dark dull eyes, then back down at his glass. Suddenly his brain registered what he had seen and he looked again at the attractive young girl who stood before him, letting his eyes run up her body, lazily. He licked his lips and formed them into what Rey assumed passed for a smile for Caleb. 

Rey felt A flare of emotion from Kylo, was that....jealousy? He moved forward so he was pressed against up against her back. She tried not to let it distract her.

‘Well, What can I do for you stranger? You’re not from around these parts.’ Caleb slurred.

Kylo growled. He was standing so close Rey could feel his breath against her ear. She shuddered slightly. 

‘You cold me dear? Probably used to warmer climates eh? Sully!’ The man indicated to the bar man. ‘Bring my guest a dram of Kamarian whisky. She’s chilled to the bone.’ Caleb gestures for her to sit. 

Rey nodded slightly and sat. Kylo stood behind her. 

‘Caleb, My name is Rey. I’m with the resistance.’ 

Caleb looked amused. ‘Recruiting young these days aren’t they? Thought the resistance was all washed up.’ 

‘Ha!’ Kylo laughed. ‘Maybe this guy is better informed than I first thought.’ 

Rey resisted the urge to glare at him. 

‘No. That’s not true. We heard that you had information regarding the location of the first orders fleet.’ 

‘Well now what if I did, what’s it worth to you?’ Caleb said.

Rey gritted her teeth, ‘I didn’t realise there would be a price.’ 

Kylo scoffed, ‘there’s always a price with his kind. He has no credibility. Blast him and let’s go.’ 

Rey ignored him. ‘What do you want?’ 

Caleb leaned across the table, ‘how about safe passage off this rock?’ 

Kylo let out a loud sharp laugh, ‘ha! No deal.’ 

Rey chewed her lip. ‘Where is it you want to go?’ 

‘Rey.....’ kylo said his voice was low and threatening. 

‘Anywhere that isn’t here.’ Caleb replied. 

‘Done. Give me the information.’ Rey said.

‘Not so fast! I want to see your ship first.’ 

Kylo gripped her shoulders. Easy....she told him mentally, but Caleb’s request did worry her more than she let on. 

‘Why? My ship is fine. It can take you wherever you want to go.’ 

‘How do I even know you have a ship? How do I know it’s not stolen? How do I know you aren’t an enforcer in disguise? I’ve been burned before. Show me the ship or no deal.’ 

‘Rey, don’t do this.’ Kylo warned. 

‘Okay.’ She agreed. 

‘Disobedient little.....’ Kylo grumbled. 

‘Lead the way miss!’ Caleb shouted cheerfully. Rey led them back to her the ship. Caleb sang old folk songs as they walked. Rey could feel Kylo’s blood boiling. Was she crazy to put both of them on the same ship together? Oh well, no turning back now. 

‘There we go.’ Rey announced as they reached the ship. ‘Happy?’ 

‘Ecstatic.’ Caleb announced in a low voice. He quickly pulled a blasted from his jacket and pointed it at Rey. His eyes were keen and focused now. ‘I’ll be taking this ship now and if you don’t cause a fuss, I will leave you here unharmed.’ He said, his voice clear and slurless. 

Kylo leapt at him with a roar, but his blade was useless against Caleb. Kylo was only present subconsciously through Rey, meaning his blade was also a manifestation. He turned to Rey,

‘Just give him the ship.’ 

Rey bared her teeth at him, ‘you will not take that ship without a fight.’ 

Caleb laughed, ‘listen girlie, you don’t want to lock horns with the likes of me. It won’t end well. For you.’ 

‘Rey just let him go, it’s not worth it.’ Kylo said, gently. She looked at his eyes. Ben looked back. 

Part of Rey wanted to concede, part of her knew the ship wasn’t worth it, but the other part of her, the part where her pride resided, the part that felt she had something to prove, that she wasn’t worthy of the title the last Jedi if she let this cretin get the better of her, reached for her blaster and shot Caleb in the shoulder, he called out and stumbled but recovered quickly aiming his weapon at her. Rey tried to dodge the shot, but it was a weapon she wasn’t familiar with and it seemed to seek her out. She felt a bolt of electricity run through her so strong it knocked her from her feet. As she slipped into unconsciousness she heard Kylo firm voice,

‘I will find you Rey. I will come for you.’


	8. The Rescue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo travels across the galaxy to save Rey. (Sigh)

Onboard the first orders star destroyer, two armed Stormtroopers patrolled past Kylo’s quarters. They stopped dead at the sounds of destruction coming from inside the room. Clearly their leader wasn’t in the best of moods. Suddenly the doors open and Kylo Ren appeared. His eyes were fierce as they darted between the stunned troopers and he was breathing heavily. Both men instinctively took a step back. 

‘Ready my ship!’ Kylo growled. Returning to his room. 

The troopers looked at each other. This couldn’t be good. 

Kylo moved quickly collecting what he needed for the journey. What had she been thinking? Foolish girl. She wouldn’t listen and now she was at the mercy of that degenerate on some godforsaken planet and he was the only one who knew what had happened, meaning he had to go after her, and he was going to see her again. Really see her. He stopped for a moment. There would be no force connection to hide behind this time. Well, assuming she wasn’t dead already, he thought dryly. But he knew she wasn’t. He knew if she were dead, even across the galaxy, he would feel it. 

He would have to think up a good excuse to explain his absence. The supreme leader of the first order didn’t just leave on away missions without an official decree and a squadron of soldiers following in his wake. Kylo pinched the bridge of his nose. Trouble. He has known from the start that the girl would be trouble. 

He reached the hanger having explained to Hux that the mission was confidential and required his immediate attention. Hux has been so delighted to take on the role of acting leader in Kylo’s absence, he didn’t ask too many questions about Kylo’s reasons for leaving. 

Kylo took a minute to settle into the cockpit of his ship. He didn’t get to fly very often anymore. When he was out there, relying on his instincts, he felt truly alive. Being stuck in board rooms, and hearing about financial forecasts was not his idea of fun. As he took off, he pondered what he did find joy in. The only thing that came to mind was Rey. 

Rey opened her eyes and immediately shut them again as she felt a sharp pain in her head. She assessed the damage, just a headache and a bruised ego. She would recover. She tried once more to open her eyes, this time very slowly. She saw the sky above her, a delicate pale lilac. Beautiful. So this is what passed for daytime on this planet then. Her shuttle and the lying scum were long gone. Rey sat up and hugged her knees. What a mess she has gotten herself into. She should have listened to Kylo. So she was taking advice from the leader of the first order now? She almost laughed at the notion. Her world really was upside down. Speaking of which could she reach him? To let him know she was okay? Maybe she could make the bond open again if she tried. She crossed her legs and closed her eyes and tried to imagine him. His dark waved hair and dark eyes and so tall, and his skin so pale but not sallow, youthful, and his physique, toned from vigorous training and his large hands, and....

‘Hmm hmm.’ Someone cleared their throat. Rey opened one eye and saw big black boots, she opened the other eye and let them travel up to Kylo’s eyes. 

‘Wow it worked.’ She said. 

‘What worked?’ 

‘I was thinking about you just now, I was trying to activate the bond and it worked.’ 

‘No it didn’t. I’m really here.’ 

Rey’s eyes widened. ‘You’re here? Here, here!’ 

Kylo rolled his eyes and sighed, ‘Yes. Can we go now? I’m somewhat conspicuous.’ 

‘You came for me. I can’t believe you came for me.’ Rey said softly. 

‘I said I would.’ Kylo said avoiding her eyes. But it was too late. 

In that moment something changed in Rey. Something awakened within her and she knew she wouldn’t be the same again. The revelation cemented itself into her thoughts. There was nothing anyone could say to change her mind now. She knew that Kylo Ren was a good man underneath. She stood up and placed her palms on Kylo’s chest. For a moment he forgot to be angry and sullen and he looked down at her. Rey felt his consuming loneliness, the conflict within him and something else, something he was fighting hard to hide from her.

‘Thank you.’ Rey said. 

Kylo opened his mouth then closed it again. He pulled his eyes away from hers and the walls went back up between them. 

‘Let’s go, you’ve wasted enough of my time.’ He snapped striding off towards the ship. 

Rey ignored the outburst and stood still for a moment observing him carefully as he walked away from her. She caught her lip between her teeth as she considered the fact that the first orders supreme leader has just flown half way across the galaxy just to make sure she was okay. A slight breeze caught her hair and she smiled and tucked a stray curl behind her ear. 

‘Come on!’ Kylo shouted exasperatedly. 

‘Coming.’ Rey called as she ran towards the ship. 

Once the two of them were on board, it was difficult to think about anything other than their close proximity to one another. Rey ran her hands over the sleek black interior of the ship. It screamed of money. It was huge compared to her shuttle. There were only two seats, so she settled in the co-pilots chair. Rey felt raw with emotion and she suspected Kylo felt everything she was feeling. The thought was both frightening and exciting for her. She sensed he was guarding his thoughts and decided not to pry further. Rey had never been attracted to a man before, the feeling was new and intoxicating which made it difficult for her to hide. She tried not to watch him but it was fascinating to observe his skill at piloting the craft. Rey was an excellent pilot but she didn’t have the superior training Kylo displayed. Rey was all instinct, completely self-taught. Kylo had benefited from someones teachings. Who? She wondered. 

‘My father.’ Kylo explained. ‘It was my father who taught me.’ 

‘Oh.’ Rey said suddenly feeling uncomfortable as he answered her thoughts and she remembered Han. Then she realised what she has been thinking and blushed and changed the subject.

‘What are you going to do with me?’ She asked. Then flushed again when she realised what she had said. 

Kylo swallowed hard but let the comment go, ‘I’m taking you back with me.’ 

‘What? No!’ 

‘I can’t deliver you to the rebels, I’ll be arrested on site and besides, I can’t afford to have you distracting me from my work, running off on fools errands all the time and nearly getting yourself killed.’ 

Rey rolled her eyes, ‘that only happened one time. Stop exaggerating. Look , if you give me something to trade with drop me off somewhere and I will barter for a way home.’ 

‘No. I’ve made my decision.’ 

‘Your decision!’ Anger flared inside Rey and she balled her hands into fists and puffed out her breath. ‘You do not control me supreme leader.’ She hissed through gritted teeth. 

‘When you can ensure your own safety, you can be in-charge of it.’ 

Rey sat down, dumbfounded. She didn’t know what to say. She has no way of contacting the rebels and she didn’t know the solar system well enough to know if any rebel sympathisers were close by. Maybe it was better that she go with him for now? Did she really think it was better or was it just the pull she felt towards him that was leading her to agree with his plan? She tried to steady her heartbeat. It was infuriating that the situation seemed to be affected her more than him. Kylo seemed at ease while he manoeuvred the craft. Rey folded her arms across her chest. An angry Kylo Ren was much easier to argue with than a sensible one. 

Kylo knew his calm demeanour was an irritation to Rey. He found it quite amusing, as it was her very presence that had allowed him to adopt the new attitude. Having her near and knowing she was safe was somewhat comforting. He also found it easier to engage empathetically around Rey perhaps because she was so adept at connecting with others. It seemed she had quite the influence over him. He would have to conceal it. It could be a major weakness. 

Other than the calming affect she had on him, he couldn’t deny that his attraction to her was growing. Every moment they spent together made it harder to ignore. He felt her watching him, read her thoughts about him, she admired his skill greatly. It made him feel proud. She also couldn’t mask her feelings for him. They poured out of her and he was using a lot of energy to try to stem their flow. They threatened to overpower him. She didn’t notice him watching her, he was more careful, but every sigh, every stretch, every-time she licked or pursed her lips a little part of him reached out for her. He didn’t know if it was a good idea to take her back with him, he just knew that he didn’t want to be parted from her just yet. In many years, Rey was the one thing that made him feel.....wanted. 

‘Are you going to pass me off as your prisoner? I swear if you try to cuff me again Ren, I’ll...’ 

‘No cuffs then. I will let you choose. You can be my prisoner or my guest. A traitor or a defector.’ 

Rey’s brow furrowed as she mulled over his proposal. 

Kylo kept his composure while his insides churned. He hadn’t realised how much her answer to the question would mean to him until that very moment. He wanted her to come willingly but as that wasn’t an option, the illusion of free will would satisfy him for now. 

‘Defector.’ Rey answered firmly. ‘I don’t want to be caged like an animal.’

‘Rey I would never... very well. Defector it is. That will make everything.....easier.’

Rey took a deep breath. ‘How long until we get there?’ 

‘Not long now. Don’t worry. As long as you are with me. No one will question your presence.’ 

‘I’m questioning it myself so I’m sure your men will.’ 

‘Let me rephrase that, no one would dare voice their concerns if they value their lives.’ 

‘Violence begets violence Kylo.’ Rey warned. 

‘Not if I kill everyone first.’ 

Rey rolled her eyes. What was she letting herself in for?


	9. Reluctant Reunion

*******

‘Argh!’ 

Rey was jolted awake by a very loud shout. 

‘What is it?’ She said rubbing her eyes. 

Kylo gestures in front of him. Rey saw a ship approaching. A ship she recognised. 

‘It’s Leia. It appears she has come for you.’ Kylo said disappointedly. 

Rey smiled, ‘she came to find me?’ The gesture touched the soul of the little girl who had been abandoned on Jakku. 

‘This is all wrong! This is not the plan!’ Kylo shouted slamming his fists into the control panel. 

‘Calm down.’ Rey said gently. We just have to change the plan. Simple.’ 

‘What are you suggesting?’ 

She smirked, ‘you can be a prisoner or a defector? Which is it? Oh and there will be cuffs.’ 

Kylo narrowed his eyes at her. 

‘What else can we do Kylo? You don’t want it getting back to the order what really happened do you? And I can’t go with you now. They will pursue us and probably get themselves killed in the process. Please just for now? Until we figure out wheat we are going to do?’ 

Kylo didn’t respond but Rey took his silence as compliance. 

Leia hailed them and Rey took the call, ‘Rey, I sense your energy, I’m so glad you are safe but who is with you? It can’t be....?’ 

‘It is ma’am. I apprehended him on Ghetta 5. He’s my prisoner.’

Kylo glared at her as she pressed her lips together to keep from laughing. 

‘Well, How......strange that you should run into my son on a relatively unknown planet such a Ghetta 5. I wonder what business would bring him to the outskirts? But no matter, follow us and we will guide you home. 

‘Thank you Leia.’ Rey responded. 

‘She suspects us.’ Kylo said matter-of-factly. 

‘What?’ 

Kylo rolled his eyes, ‘you lack the ability to guard your feelings with any permanency Rey, no doubt she knows your thoughts better than you by now. She probably knows everything about us. Certainly seemed that way. She didn’t buy your story.’ 

Rey chewed her thumb then smiled and shrugged, ‘Well if she does know about us, she knows everything I do is to help the rebels.’ 

‘Really?’ Kylo said raising an eyebrow at her. 

‘Yes, if I could get you to see that you should join with us, that would be a huge victory for us.’ 

‘I won’t join your band of dysfunctional misfits Rey.’ 

‘We’ll see.’ She said as she took over piloting the craft. ‘I’ll drive, shall I? As your my prisoner and all.’ 

‘Defector. I choose to be a defector.’ Kylo corrected and felt Rey’s excitement spike at the prospect. 

Back at base, Rey accompanied Kylo as they exited the ship. Kylo’s eyes darted menacingly amongst the revel soldiers, nearly all of whom stepped back when they saw Kylo.

‘It’s okay!’ Rey called, putting her hands out in front of her. ‘He is changing sides. Kylo will now fight for the light!’ 

The men looked at each other apprehensively. Poe and Finn approached Rey.

‘Are you sure about this?’ Finn asked. ‘He looks like he wants to kill us all.’ 

‘He’s just cranky from the long journey.’ 

Poe and Finn starred at her. 

‘Okay, he isn’t completely turned but I can do it! I just need time!’ 

‘You want us to help you convince the rebels we should let him stay? Even though it’s putting them all in danger?’ 

‘Just give me a chance. I can do this.’ Rey said. 

‘It’s Leia’s decision.’ Poe said putting up his hands in mock surrender.

Finn gritted his teeth, ‘I think this is crazy. I say we kill him.’ 

‘No!’ Rey shouted and both the men looked at her with suspicion. Rey lowered her voice,

‘We can’t kill him! He came here willingly. He let me disarm him. Maybe he is ready to come back into the fold. Maybe he wants to find somewhere he belongs!’ 

Finn let out a puff of air. ‘I do not want him anywhere near me.’ 

‘Done.’ Rey agreed. 

***

‘And this is your room.’ Rey said. 

Kylo stepped around her and eyed the small quarters. 

‘This is squalor.’ 

‘Don’t be dramatic.’ 

‘You can’t expect me to live here?’ 

‘Well then leave!’ Rey said raising her voice. 

Kylo was still and Rey softened,  
‘I’m sorry....I know this is hard for you. I didn’t know what to do when I saw Leia. I don’t know how to explain our.....friendship.’ 

Kylo looked at her with curiosity. 

Rey sat down on the bed,   
‘Look, you could probably leave whenever you want to but I want you to stay. Give me a chance to convince you that you could choose a different life.’ 

Kylo folded his arms and turned away from her. Rey stood and curled her fingers around his arm, gently turning him to face her.  
‘Please.’ She said softly. 

‘One week.’ He said. 

Rey smiled, ‘more than enough time.’ 

Leia was disorientated by her son’s presence. His feelings remained as turbulent as they had always been and Rey’s optimistic desires to change him remained a difficult belief for Leia to buy into even thought she desperately wanted it could be true. 

Their relationship was curious. Was he playing with Rey? Or was he honestly developing feelings for her? She knew that Rey was genuine, but she doubted Kylo. He was better at concealing himself. She couldn’t get a handle on him. It was like wading through a swamp trying to reach his thoughts. Finn entered her office,

‘Ma’am, I don’t trust him.’ He blurted out. 

‘I know Finn, I’m not sure I do but I think we have to give Rey a chance but you keep an eye on him and report to me.’ 

Finn smiled, ‘Yes ma’am.’ 

The atmosphere in the base was difficult to read, Rey could sense hope and anticipation but also fear and anxiety. She would have a lot of work to do if she was to change people’s attitudes towards their new guest. Kylo stayed in his room for the remainder of the day. She knocked a few times but he ignored her. She knew the only reason he was there was because of her, and having that knowledge made her heart race. 

The night as she was going to bed she wondered if she should check on Kylo. She had put him in the room next to hers because was easier to keep an eye on him, she reasoned with herself knowing full well she just wanted him close by. She decided to leave him to his rest and soon dropped off to sleep. 

Later, she awoke to sounds coming from the room next to hers. Low growls at first then a anguish filled howl. Rey felt hot pain in her chest. Kylo. Was someone attacking him? She ran to his room and was confused to find only Kylo inside. His eyes were tightly closed and he moved around the bed fitfully. 

Rey carefully approached. 

‘No, no.’ Kylo murmured. 

Rey reached out and saw into his mind, unguarded as he slept. She saw a small boy with his hands over his ears, curled into a ball on the ground. Snoke circled him,

‘They don’t want you Ben.’ 

‘They do.’ 

‘They keep you close because they fear you. You are their prisoner Ben, not their son.’ 

‘It’s not true!’ Ben cried with tears in his eyes. 

‘It is! They want to stop you from becoming great. I will help you. I am the only one who truly cares for you Ben.’ 

No! That’s not true!’ Rey shouted suddenly finding herself immersed in Kylo’s dream scape. Ben looked up,

‘Rey.’ He said when his eyes focused on hers. Then the boy transformed into Kylo and he rose from the floor coming towards her and grabbing her throat.

Rey couldn’t breath, she desperately scratched at his fingers as they gripped her neck. 

Kylo glared at her.

‘You think you can save me? There is nothing left to save.’ He said before the dream suddenly ended and Rey fell backwards across the small bedroom.

Kylo suddenly sat up in bed.

‘Rey?’ He said looking confused. 

Rey wrapped a hand around her neck which still felt sore from the pressure. Her eyes were wide with fear. 

‘Rey what happened?’ Kylo asked them realisation reached his face,  
‘It wasn’t a dream was it?’

‘No it wasn’t.’ Rey said firmly before leaving the room.


	10. Fear and Loathing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey is afraid and Kylo is remorseful.

Rey returned to her room and sat down on the bed, she held her hands to her neck and tried to fight back hot tears. What had she done? Had she brought a monster into their sanctuary? No. She couldn’t believe that. He had saved her life. There was good in him. It was just a dream. That’s all. Just a depiction of his own fears that he truly was a worthless monster. She couldn’t let one little dream scare her away. She had known from the start that this wasn’t going to be easy. She couldn’t back down now. She had to be close if he was lashing out. The thought gave Rey some comfort and she took some deep breaths to calm her nerves. The knock at her door made her jump. She knew it was him before she opened the door. Kylo stood outside her room looking down at her with concern. 

‘Rey I don’t know what happened..’ 

He stepped forward and Rey stepped back, her hand went to her neck.

‘It’s fine.’ She said quickly. 

Kylo’s eyes focused on her injury. 

‘Did I do that?’ He asked. 

Rey nodded.

‘Let me see.’ 

Rey let her hands fall to her side. Kylo moved toward her, his eyes remained focused on her neck. His fingers lightly skimmed her collar bone and she trembled slightly. Kylo pulled his hand away and stepped back.

‘Rey, I.....I’m sorry. I didn’t know what I was doing. I don’t remember...’

‘It’s my fault.’ She interrupted, ‘I should have known that the bond between us might be dangerous. I didn’t think. I entered your dream somehow.... dreams are....unpredictable.’ 

‘It doesn’t excuse the fact that I hurt you.’ 

‘It was an accident.....’ 

‘Hit me.’ 

‘What?’ 

‘You should hit me, I hurt you, now you should hurt me.’ 

‘Are you mad? That’s not how we do things around here. I’m not going to hit you!’ 

‘Fine.’ Kylo said then formed his hand into a fist and launched it hard into the stone wall. 

‘Kylo!’ Rey shouted in shock. 

‘There.’ Kylo said calmly looking down at his scratched up swollen hand which was already dripping blood on to the floor. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. Rey looked at him in alarm. It was as if he believed he deserved the pain, it was almost as if it comforted him. 

Rey frowned and took his hand in hers, inspecting the damage. She grabbed one of her arm coverings to bind his wound. 

‘That was completely unnecessary.’ She scolded as she wrapped up his hand. ‘You have got to learn to control your temper.’ 

‘I....I hurt you. I deserved it.’ He said looking down at her. 

Rey stopped what she was doing and looked up at him. Her fear ebbed away as her eyes met his. She saw the anguish he felt. She felt his remorse that he had hurt her and understood that in his way, he was just trying to process his emotions in the only way he knew how. Through violence. 

‘I’m okay. She said gently. ‘I’ll be fine.’ Unable to stop herself she reached up her hand and touched his cheek. Soft skin met her fingers. Kylo kept his eyes on hers but she saw him swallow roughly. She took her hand away and finished bandaging his wound. 

‘Okay.’ She said collecting herself. ‘That should hold until the morning, we should get some sleep.’ 

‘Yes.’ Kylo agreed, his voice thick with unspoken emotion. 

He took one last long look at her then turned quickly and left. 

Rey let out the breath she had been holding in and sat down on the bed. Kylo was such a mass of swirling contradictions it made her head spin. One minute she was afraid for her life and the next she was drawn to him like a moth to a flame. She let out an exasperated noise and threw herself down onto the bed. She hoped she would be able to get some rest, tomorrow was shaping up to be a long day.


	11. The nature of violence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo needs to vent his anger towards himself for what he did to Rey and he finds a suitable outlet in Finn....

Back in his room, the only thing stopping Kylo from decimating his other fist on the wall was the knowledge that Rey was trying to sleep on the other side. He sat down on the bed with his head in his hands. What was he doing here? He didn’t fit in with his mother’s rabble, that’s why he had left in the first place. 

‘That’s not true, you left because she didn’t want you.’ A little voice whispered. Kylo ignored it. Instead he focused on the memory of Rey’s slim fingers as they wrapped around his. Her hands were so small but so capable, and her eyes. The soft way she had looked up at him, even after he had hurt her, he had wanted to..... no. He couldn’t do that. There was sympathy in her eyes, nothing more. She wouldn’t see him that way now. He had managed to destroy the one good thing in his life. He growled and his hands clenched into fists. He ached to pummel something, release his pain, push it into something else so he didn’t have to feel it. Instead he lay on the bed and vowed that as soon as the sun was up he would find out what this base had in terms of a training ground and let loose on whatever or whoever happened to be available for sparring. 

Kylo woke early, blissfully ignorant of the events of the night before for a few moment before the memories hit him like a uppercut to the chin. He needed to hit something. NOW. He dressed quickly and left his quarters. There were some stares as he walked the corridors. He contemplated asking for directions but decided it was better if he wandered and gained a basic understanding of the buildings layout. After a while he came to a large room with a line of glass windows. He peered in and smiled. Training bots sparred with soldiers, well if you could call them that, they didn’t look like soldiers to Kylo. Subpar at best. Weapons lined the walls, bags were fitted to the ceiling for practising punches. This was more like it. Kylo knew this world well. He moved to the door but stopped dead when he saw who was starring at him from behind a punch bag. 

Finn jutted put his jaw and narrowed his eyes when he spotted Kylo. Hadn’t he said to Rey that he had one rule? Day one. Day one and that guy was already in his face. Keeping his eyes on Kylo’s he started punching the bag throwing all his weight behind each hit. Come on then. He thought to himself. Let’s go. 

Kylo watched for a moment then his mouth quirked up into a half smile. Seems the traitor was challenging him. Excellent. He needed to punch something. His face would do just fine. 

Kylo entered the room and walked up to Finn. Finn continued punching the bag. Kylo stalked around him. 

‘You don’t want me here.’ He said flatly. 

‘No, I don’t.’ Finn said hitting the bag hard. 

‘But it’s not because you fear me, it’s because......’ Kylo stopped for a moment and leans forward while he filtered through Finn’s thoughts. 

‘It’s because of Rey.’ He said. His eyes wide. Interesting. The traitor was interested in Rey, but she wasn’t interested in him. Kylo was sure of that and yet, the fool holds onto his hope that she will one day return his feelings. The urge to punch him was stronger now. 

Mine. He thought. Not yours. 

‘Get out of my head.’ Finn hissed through gritted teeth. 

Kylo retracted from Finn’s thoughts. They were attracting attention and he didn’t want to be seen to be causing trouble. Which meant he had to get Finn to swing first. Self defence would be the perfect motive. 

‘My apologies, Finn. I’m just confused, if Rey is the one you really want.......then why are you leading on this Rose girl?’ He said low into Finn’s ear. 

Finn roared and swung at Kylo. Kylo easily dodged his attack and crouching to the floor, swept his legs from under him. Finn went down hard, calling out. Kylo slowly rose up from the floor. Yes. Now he had a willing target for his anger. 

Rey barely slept and woke with a bad headache. She shook her head. She had a feeling in the pit of her stomach that something was wrong. Maybe it was just the lack of sleep. She dressed and washed her face, it took her a little longer that usual to fix her hair, allowing some of her hair to flow free and fixing some up into a high ponytail. 

Just because....it’s nice to try different things.... she lied to herself as she pinched her cheeks in the mirror. 

Upon opening her door her eyes were met with the sight of many rebels running past her, some waving a quick hello as they passed. Rey’s senses immediately went on red alert. 

‘What’s wrong?’ She asked. Someone shouted back at her but the only word she could make out was Kylo. Then the colour drained from her face and she took off running after them. 

She followed the crowd to the training hall and her heart sped up. What on Jakku was happening? She managed to squeeze her way to the front of the crowd and pressed her hands up against the window. Her mouth fell open. There was Kylo and Finn going at each other like a couple of wild voxyn. A wave of heat hit Rey and flowed through her veins. Her mouth went dry and she started to pant. For a moment, she enjoyed watching them fight. She wanted Kylo to win. She wanted to see him standing over Finn. She wanted to see with her own eyes that Kylo was the superior male. Wait, what? Rey shook her head. These weren’t her thoughts. These were Kylo’s thoughts. He wanted to beat Finn down, show him his place. Rey burned with anger. She slammed her hands against the door. 

Kylo felt her presence then, felt the flames of her anger lick at his neck as she stood behind him. He made a quick decision and allowed Finn’s next blow to connect with his chin. He fell to the floor and ran a hand across his lips, his fingers came away red. Finn has split his lip. Excellent. 

Rey watched Kylo go down and skidded across the floor to get between the two of them. She crouched near Kylo. He looked up at her with a hand over his lip.

Kylo felt sympathy radiate from her. His plan has worked. Luckily, Rey was easy to manipulate. He widened his eyes a little, playing the part of the victim. He watched smugly as Rey turned her anger on Finn. 

‘What are you doing?’ She demanded. 

‘What? Rey! You don’t think I started this do you? He baited me! Just like he is baiting you now.’ 

Kylo shook his head, ‘I just wanted a sparring partner.’ 

Rey looked at Finn. There was a scratch across his cheek and his eye was swollen. In comparison, apart from his swollen lip, Kylo looked relatively unharmed. 

Rey looked at Kylo suspiciously but she couldn’t get a read on him. Now that the fight was over he was carefully guarding his thoughts again. Rey stood and Kylo stood behind her. 

‘I don’t care who started it.’ She said looking first at Finn then at Kylo. ‘I don’t want to see this behaviour again.’ 

Kylo and Finn looked at each other and then at Rey. Finn was first to back down.

Rey could feel how hurt Finn was. Maybe he was telling the truth? She was about to say something when Finn suddenly cried out in frustration, 

‘I’m outta here.’ He grumbled as he limped out of the room. 

Rose was waiting at the door and placed a arm across Finn’s back, she glared over her shoulder at Kylo then started talking softly into Finn’s ear as she helped support his weight. 

‘So that’s Rose.’ Kylo said with interest. 

Rey turned to him narrowing her eyes, ‘what really happened here?’ 

Kylo shrugged, ‘Just a misunderstanding. I think we worked it out.’ 

‘I won’t tolerate you taking your anger out on my friends, Kylo. In the future if you need to let off some steam, you come find me.’ 

Kylo cocked an eyebrow her. 

‘To fight!’ She exclaimed as her cheeks turned red. ‘I mean I will be your partner. I mean.....You know what I mean.’ What was happening to her? What on Earth was she saying? She headed for the door with Kylo following behind.

‘Alright nothing to see here!’ Rey shouted at the crowd and they started to disperse. 

She walked down the corridor, trying to walk quickly so that Kylo couldn’t keep up with her but he easily caught up, 

‘Do you know how Finn feels about you?’ He asked casually. 

Rey blushed. 

‘So you do know.’ Kylo observed.

‘That is none of your business Kylo.’ 

‘I’ve made you my business. Ergo, it is my business.’ 

Rey rolled her eyes but his comment sent a thrill through her. She wished she could stop reacting to him. It only made him more smug and difficult to handle. 

‘How is your hand?’ She said changing the subject. 

Kylo flexed his fingers, ‘Much improved.’ She noted that he still wore her arm coverings over it. 

‘We should replace those bandages.’ She said. 

Kylo looked down at his hand. She was right of course, but part of him didn’t want to let go of the worn fabric, simply because it was something of Rey’s that she had giving to him freely. 

‘Very well.’ He said. 

They walked to the infirmary. It looked abandoned, but Rey quickly located the bandages and started to unwrap Kylo’s hand. 

‘Where is everyone?’ Kylo asked. 

‘We don’t currently have a doctor. We do have a nurse. She is probably tending to Finn round about now.’ 

Kylo snorted and Rey glared at him. 

Rey tried to slow her heart while she unwound the old coverings and inspected his wounds. Kylo’s hand was so large in comparison to her own, she held him at the wrist with one hand while fixing the new bandage with the other. His hand was so warm, she brushed over his fingers as she worked and felt his pulse speed up. She let out a shaky breath. When she has finished she stole a glance at his face. He was watching her intently. His pupils were dilated and his lips were slightly parted. Unable to stop herself she reached up and gently rubbed his lip, the cut was no longer bleeding but it still looked sore.

‘Would you like me to put some ice on this?’ She asked gently. 

Kylo didn’t respond. He couldn’t focus on what she was saying. She was still running her thumb gently over his bottom lip. His spine tingled and something inside of him was urging him to reach out, to wrap his arms around Rey and press her body up against his. 

The way he was looking at her made her want to shiver. She leaned forward a little. Drawn towards him. Her eyes focused on his bottom lip as she rubbed it gently...then the nurse burst through the doors and the spell was broken. Rey pulled her hand away quickly, but Kylo could still feel her touch. The nurse was startled she looked at Rey then at Kylo. Rey smiled and pointed to Kylo’s hand,

‘We just needed some bandages Marie.’ She managed to say, though her voice sounded foreign to her ears. 

Marie smiled and nodded then wisely made herself scarce. 

Rey looked up at Kylo and took a deep breath,

‘Let’s go.’ She said reaching for the door. 

Kylo followed her out, this was started to become a habit. Kylo never followed. He led. Yet when it came to Rey, he didn’t seem to mind relinquishing control to her. Curious. He watched her from behind for a few moments before coming up beside her.

‘I like your hair like that.’ 

‘What?’ Rey said distractedly. 

‘I like your hair that way.’ 

‘Oh, Rey reaches up her hand and touched a strand of her hair. She blushed,

‘Thank you.’ 

The compliment has caught her off guard. She wasn’t used to getting compliments in general never mind from the supreme leader of the first order. She swallowed. Should she tell him how much she liked his hair? She sneaked a glance sideways at him. His hair really was one of his best features. It looked soft. She imagined what it would be like to run her hands through it.....Kylo turned and gave her the same look she has seen in the infirmary. Hunger. That’s what it was hunger mixed with desire. Rey looked away quickly. She knew he could read her thoughts and she tried really hard not to think it but at that moment it was the only thing that she could focus on. 

I’ve never been kissed. 

Kylo almost stopped in his tracks when he heard her almost whisper the words in her mind. He licked his lips. Now all he could think about was kissing her. Putting everything aside, all the reasons he shouldn’t, all the trouble it could cause, all he could focus on was that it was a terrible waste that Rey’s lips has never been kissed. He focused on her mouth. He knew her lips would be soft and supple. They were slightly parted now and it only served to make them look more inviting. Would she want him to kiss her though? He wasn’t sure. The threat of rejection made him abandon his thoughts. 

Rey wanted to curl up and die. She knows he heard her thoughts. She sees his gaze being drawn to her lips. Why did she have to think that? She couldn’t pretend it was just the bond that connected them. There was an attraction between them that was impossible to ignore. Even the slightest graze of his hand sent her heart into hyperdrive. She jutted her chin out and just pretended nothing had happened. For a while the only sounds were their footprints on the ground. Hers light and quick, Kylo’s hard and heavy. 

Okay, she dhould say something, ‘will they be alarmed when you don’t return?’ 

‘I told them I could be gone for sometime, but it would probably be best if I contacted Hux soon. Do you have an encrypted line I could use?’ 

‘I would have to talk to Leia about that.’ Rey replied. 

Kylo nodded but said nothing. 

‘I’m not sure you will be allowed any privileges once she sees what you did to Finn.’ 

‘He attacked me. I was just defending myself.’ 

‘He was completely unprovoked hmm?’ 

‘Completely.’ 

Rey looked unconvinced but Kylo kept his expression neutral, giving nothing away,  
‘So far the welcome has left much to be desired. You have your work cut out if you want to convince me this is the world I belong in.’ 

‘Stop picking fights and you find the locals more hospitable.’ Rey muttered. 

‘What?’ 

‘Nothing. Listen, why don’t we get out of here for a bit? Let’s go to the clearing. We could even train a bit if you want.’ 

Kylo’s eyes lit up but he quickly masked his reaction. Rey hid her smile so he wouldn’t know she had glimpsed his spark of interest, then a stab of guilt ached in her chest. Finn was going to mad and the rift between them was going to be worse than ever. Should she feel guilty for spending time with Kylo? Would Finn still want to be her friend? She would have to make a note to visit him later, see what she could do to repair the situation. For now her main duty was to keep Kylo out of trouble and if that meant she also got to spend time alone with him, then so be it.


	12. Rivals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Kylo spar in the clearing and grow closer together...

They reached the clearing and Rey threw a staff at Kylo. ‘No sabers, not fair when you broke mine.’

‘We broke it,’ Kylo replied as he caught the staff with ease, twirling it in his hand.

Rey widened her legs and spun her staff in front of her then held it at her left side with her right hand outstretched. ‘Let’s see how good you are without it.’ She said with a smirk.

Kylo swallowed hard and ran at her, but Rey easily dodged out the way of his attack. ‘Try again.’ She taunted.

Kylo shook his hair out of his face and glared at her. He lifted the staff and tried to land a blow. Rey held her staff up with both hands and managed to block his attack. Kylo smiled and bared down on her with his weight, meaning Rey had to sink to her knees to keep his staff in position. She gritted her teeth.

‘Want to surrender?’ Kylo asked.

‘No.’ Rey grunted.

She deftly turned her staff and hit Kylo square in the stomach. He called out and bent over slightly. Rey stood up and took a few steps backwards, she started side stepping keeping her eyes on Kylo’s. He looked up at her from his bent over position. His eyes were dark and Rey felt a shot of electric run through her. Okay, playtime was over.

Rey lost all track of time, she had no idea how long they were in the clearing and she didn’t notice how late it was until the light disappeared and she realised the sun had gone down. They continually matched each others attacks, trying desperately to best one another but finding it almost impossible.

At some point in the match Rey realised that Kylo was reading her thoughts to gain the upper hand. She began to do the same, and at that point it really did become impossible for one of them to win.

By the time they were ready to retire, each was left impressed with the others skill, and though they were both exhausted, there was a course of adrenaline which surged through both their veins which kept their moods up.

Rey felt elated as she walked into the mess hall laughing with Kylo about one of her failed manoeuvres when her eyes met Finn’s and her mood sobered up instantly. He was looking a lot better but his eyes were ablaze with anger.

Rey took a deep breath. ‘Finn! How are you?’ She asked cheerfully.

‘Much better. Thanks for your concern.’ He said and Rey winced at his sharp delivery.

Kylo narrowed his eyes, ‘you should show some gratitude to Rey, if she hadn’t turned up when she did....well....’

‘Well what?! As I remember you were the one on the floor with a bloodied face.’

‘Mmmm yes.’ Kylo said. ‘You had me right where you wanted me.’

Finn stood and Kylo leaned forward, both men had their hands balled into fists.

Rey put herself between them, ‘I do not want to repeat of what happened earlier.’

Kylo backed off first, which took Rey by surprise, he held out his hand to her, ‘Shall we?’ He said. Rey cocked an eyebrow at him and batted his hand away. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to take it, but she wouldn’t allow Kylo to tease Finn. It wasn’t fair.

‘I’ll see you later?’ She said to Finn.

He smiled at her briefly, ‘Yeah sure.’

She turned to Kylo, ‘come on you.’ She said in a low voice.

They left the mess hall and walked down the corridor.

‘Why must you always antagonise?’

‘The traitor has no manners....’

‘Finn, his name is Finn. We don’t use the ‘t’ word around here.’

‘Fine. Finn has no manners.’

‘Well he has always been perfectly nice to me.’

‘I’m sure he has.’

Rey stopped walking, ‘What does that mean?’

‘Rey, you can’t really be this naive? The boy is infatuated with you.’

Rey blushed, ‘that’s not true.....’

‘Why? Because of his attachment to Rose? His relationship with her is severely stunted because he can’t let go of his feelings for you.’

‘I don’t believe you.’

‘Yes you do. You just don’t want to admit it to yourself.’

‘Don’t say that.....’

‘Maybe you enjoy the attention.’

He came towards her, backed her up against the wall. Rey held her breath. His words made her angry but his actions made her feel something else. He pushed a lock of her hair behind her ear, letting his hand continue down her neck, forcing her to suppress a shiver. He put a hand on her hip. It felt warm and solid.

‘I can give you attention.’

She let out a stunted breath. He moved closer, gripped her hip a little tighter. He closed his eyes,

‘I feel your desire, It’s....intoxicating.’

‘I feel yours too.’ She said in a small voice.

They looked at each other.

‘Erm, Rey?’ They both turned to look at Poe.

‘I’m sorry to interrupt but Leia wants to see you.’

Rey heard Kylo sigh deeply as he moved away from her.

‘I’ll be right there.’ She replied.


	13. Changing Winds....

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is my most slow burn chapter yet I think. Hee hee. Prepare to suffer. :-) 
> 
> Rey and Kylo leave the camp and struggle to deal with their feelings for one another.

Leia leaned over her desk and looked warmly at Rey,

‘So how’s it going?’ 

Rey took a deep breath, ‘It’s hard. He still doesn’t feel like he belongs here and he enjoys starting fights with Finn way too much. Am I mad for thinking this could work?’ 

‘No. I sense you are getting through to him. At least I sense that he certainly has feelings for you.’ 

Rey blushed. 

‘That’s good. You can use it to your advantage.’ 

‘I don’t want to manipulate him, I want him to want to be with me....us of his own free will.’ She said looking away. 

Leia ignored her slip, ‘That’s very admirable Rey but time is running out. We can’t hide forever, and if we can’t turn Kylo soon, he may give away our location.’ 

Rey thought for a moment, ‘Maybe I should take him away from here? Perhaps there are too many distractions.’ 

‘I can’t ask you to do that.’ Leia said. 

Rey got the message. Leia couldn’t ask her to, but that didn’t mean she didn’t think it was a good idea. She nodded at Leia. ‘I know.’ 

———————————————

Back in his quarters, Kylo paced the floor. He didn’t know what was being said in the meeting, but he knew that his mother would be discussing him. As if she had any right. She gave up any claim to him years ago. 

Suddenly the door opened and Rey entered. Kylo stopped pacing and looked at her. Rey pulled her bottom lip into her mouth and looked nervous. 

‘We’ve made a decision.’ She said.

Kylo braced himself. ‘And?’ He asked.

‘We’ve decided it would be better if you and I spent some time alone. Elsewhere. Away from this place where you feel so unwelcome. Somewhere I can show you how welcome you would be with the resistance.’ She said with a blush.

He sensed her trepidation. She was worried. Worried what would happen if they were alone. Worried that she wouldn’t be able to control the ever building attraction between them, but he sensed that she believed she really could change him. She was so sure of it. What would she be willing to do? He wondered. In order to achieve her goal? 

‘Very well.’ He said stepping towards her, ‘When do we leave?’ 

————————————————

‘Don’t do this.’ Finn pleaded.

‘I have to Finn, he is out best chance of winning this war and I’m worried if we stay here you two will kill each other.’

‘You don’t know what he will do. If he has you alone, vulnerable, he might hurt you.’

‘He won’t.’ Rey said quickly.

Finn was taken aback by her swift response, you seem so sure of that.’

‘I am sure. He....he cares for me.’

Finn’s nostrils flared, ‘Or that’s what he wants you to believe.’

‘He can’t deceive me anymore than I can deceive him. We have a bond.’

Finn looked hurt.

‘It doesn’t mean that you....Finn I value your friendship more than anything and I appreciate your concern for my wellbeing but this is just something I have to do. Even if there is a small chance I could turn him. I have to try.’

‘You tried before and it didn’t work.’

‘Things are different now.’ 

Finn sighed, ‘Go then. I know I can’t change your mind.’ He looked away from her.

Rey opened her mouth to speak, but she didn’t know what to say. She couldn’t stay and Finn wouldn’t be happy with any other response. 

‘Bye Finn.’ She said as she stood up to leave.

‘Rey?’

She turned to him, ‘Yes?’

‘Please Be careful.’

‘I will.’

————————————————

‘Okay, where do we go?’ Rey asked sitting in the cockpit of the falcon. She didn’t think Leia would allow her to take it but then at the last minute, she seemed to have a change of heart. Maybe she was hoping the old ship would uncover some feelings of nostalgia or sentiment within her son. 

‘To the first order?’ Kylo suggested.

‘No.’ Rey said glaring at him, ‘Somewhere neutral. Somewhere we can be on equal ground.’ 

They were both silent for sometime. Kylo was thinking. Rey was waiting. Waiting for Kylo to reveal something. Something she had seen within his mind. 

‘I....I have a place.’ 

‘You do?’ She asked innocently. 

‘Somewhere I go sometimes when I need....’

When you need to be Ben Solo. Rey thought.

‘Okay, is it far?’ 

‘We would have to use the hyper drive, but it shouldn’t take too long.’ 

‘Okay, let’s go.’

——————————————

When they came out of hyper drive, they had reached a planet Rey had never visited before, it was small and part of a solar system she wasn’t familiar with. 

‘It’s uninhabited.’ Kylo said. ‘The temperature is too cold for most and there are little to no natural resources. I keep supplies in a cabin I built.’

‘You built a cabin here?’ Rey asked as they entered the atmosphere and were hit by a wall of snow.

‘Yes. Trees are one resource that this planet has in abundance.’

Picturing Ben cutting down trees was enough to make her heart race, but knowing he had built a home here, somewhere he felt like himself again, she swallowed feeling a lump form in her throat. This wasn’t neutral ground. This was his ground. She would have to be weary.

She hadn’t packed for such extreme weather conditions, and as they exited the Falcon, she shivered under her thin poncho.

‘Here.’ He said. Wrapping a cloaked arm around her. They ran through the snow to the cabin. It was cold and dark but not wholly unwelcoming. There was some basic furniture. Rey was impressed.

‘This must have taken sometime.’ She said as she removed her poncho.

‘Yes well, I struggled with my choice to turn at first. Having this place made it....easier. It was somewhere I could escape to.’ He said removing his cloak and shaking his hair which was flaked with snow.

Rey smiled. Something about the gesture warmed her heart. 

‘There’s dry clothes through there.’ He said pointing to the only room. ‘Well they are mine but....I’m sure we can find something for you.’ 

Rey stared at him. There was a slight blush to his cheeks. She wondered if it was because of the cold or because he was embarrassed. This was Ben. She was sure of it. She smiled and entered the small room. There was a bed and some crates with clothes. Not Kylo’s usual attire. Were these Ben’s then? She picked out a tunic. The material was thick and soft. She hesitated to remove her clothing. Could he feel her? Could he sense her actions? She shivered. This was no time to be timid, she needed to get out of her wet clothes. She shed her layers and put on the tunic. It covered to her knees. She took a deep breath and re-entered the main room.

The room was bright and warm now. Ben was kneeling by the fireplace, stoking the embers. He turned and looked at her. Flames danced in his eyes. Rey let out a shaky breath and her heart fluttered in her chest. Seeing him look at her like that, his face lit up by the firelight, she was mesmerised and for the first time her resolve faltered and she started to worry what would happen if Kylo turned her to the dark? 

Kylo looked at her standing in the doorway wearing one of his old tunics. Beautiful. She was beautiful. He swallowed. They stared at each other for a little too long. He was the first to look away. He return to tending the fire. Being here was....confusing. He thought perhaps he had buried the memories of Ben Solo deep enough that they couldn’t reach him now, but being here made them all resurface and he felt....well he felt like Ben again. This was dangerous. He felt the familiar tug to the light. Only the light wasn’t just a concept now, it was Rey. Rey was his light. Had it been a mistake to bring her here? 

Rey padded over to the fire and put out her hands. She sighed a little as the warmth spread through her body. 

‘You should change.’ She said softly. 

He nodded slightly and walked to the bedroom. Rey sat down in front of the fire. Here, away from the fighting, away from the rebels and the first order she felt like she could breath again. She closed her eyes and smiled. As the heat embraced her, she felt her burdens start to slowly ebb away. She heard a noise behind her and turned around to see Ben wearing a gray loose tunic top and loose pants. 

Seeing him standing there looking so much like the man he must have been before, a man she would have........Rey felt tears prick her eyes.

It’s not fair. She thought. 

‘What do you mean?’ He asked.

‘It’s not fair that this life was taking from you, it’s not fair that your family didn’t try hard enough to save you from Snoke. If I had been there, I would have....’ Rey sobbed a little and looked down. He walked towards her, wrapped his arms around her and brought her to his chest.

‘Let the past die remember?’ He said gently. ‘I am what I am.’ 

‘But you don’t have to be! You could be more. So much more!’ 

‘So could you. Come with me. Rule by my side.’ 

Rey let out a frustrated moan. ‘No! I don’t want that!’ 

‘What is it you want Rey?’ 

She tried not to think it but it was there. The thought came to the forefront of her mind and she couldn’t stop him from knowing. 

You. Just you. 

He put a finger under her chin and tipped her head up so their eyes met. 

‘I want you too.’ He said. 

He lowered his head a little and Rey didn’t breath. His eyes focused on her lips. Rey tipped her chin a little closer and his eyes flooded with lust. 

He was going to kiss her and she was going to let him. She could almost taste it.....

Suddenly the door to the cabin swung open with an almighty crash. 

Snow blew into the room and Ben and Rey shielded their eyes. 

‘I knew I’d find you here.’ Hux sneered as he stalked into the room, ‘Care to explain yourself.......Supreme Leader?’ 

—————————————- 


	14. Changing Tides

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben have been discovered and Kylo resurfaces....

Rey stared at the metal cuffs now restraining her wrists. She was sat aboard a first order vessel, flanked by two armed stormtroopers.

She glanced at Kylo. He hadn’t looked at her since they boarded the ship and all signs of Ben had disintegrated as soon as Hux had infiltrated their hide-out. Rey felt broken and confused. Everything had shifted so quickly. _How had they ended up like this?_

The memory of Ben’s eyes looking into hers was etched onto her soul. If they hadn’t been discovered, they would have kissed. She was sure of that.

_It would have been my first kiss._ She though sadly.

Kylo turned to look at her then. His face was set in a hard expression but his knowing eyes bore into hers. She knew he had heard her thoughts and she didn’t care. She wanted him to know. She wanted him to see what he had lost. She held his gaze. He was the first to look away.

She could hardly bare to think about his words in the cabin when Hux had demanded an explanation for his actions.

‘I told you I had a job to do, this is it.’

‘Are you admitting you are a traitor, Ren?’ Hux has spat out.

‘I’m here gathering information by any means necessary, nothing more. She means nothing to me.’

Rey had visible lurched forward his too familiar words had hurt so much. _How could he have said that now?_ It was either the truth or a desperate lie. Either way, she knew she couldn’t trust him again. She could see now that he wouldn’t fight for her when it mattered most. All he cared about was saving his own skin.

She had launched herself forward and tried to land a blow on his cheek, but a trooper had held her back. Ben hadn’t flinched. He must have seen the hit coming, yet he didn’t try to prevent it. Maybe he thought he deserved it. Maybe he just didn’t care. Hux laughed,

‘Well, well, Well, the last little Jedi is feisty! Perhaps you can keep her Ren, maybe you can break her, in time.’

Rey gritted her teeth and glared at Hux.

‘He is never to touch me again.’ She said, her voice thickened by raw emotion.

Still Kylo said nothing. Just moved to the back room to collect his clothes and change. Rey was not extended the same courtesy and had been forced to walk through the snow with just the tunic covering her skin, though they had allowed her to put on her boots.

Captured by the first order. She thought miserably. Her friends unaware of the danger she had found herself in, actively expecting her to be out of contact for days, maybe even weeks, while she tried to change the mind of a man who had shown her now he was beyond her reach. What a fool she had been.

She glared at Kylo. He kept his eyes forward.

_Coward_. She hissed through the bond.

He puffed in a breath and held it.

_You’ve walked this path before Kylo, death, destruction, misery, that is all that awaits you. Is that what you want? Is that all the great Kylo Ren will be remembered for? You were meant for so more._

She felt his guilt surround her like a thick fog. She refused to be affected by it. Mentally pushing through the haze created by his emotional state, she willed his gaze on hers.

He obeyed.

_You have burned my trust in you Kylo Ren, and I hope you choke on the ashes._

*******

Kylo had been taken completely by surprise when he saw Hux burst into the cabin. He had let his guard down and he was being punished for it. His heart has plummeted and the weight of his position, of his responsibilities and his duty pressed down heavy on his shoulders. The voice inside his head tainted his thoughts.

_You thought you could have this life? You thought you could take her light and make it your own? You are a child of the dark Kylo Ren. You belong in the shadows. Rey would not survive your love, you would suffocate her and she would wither and perish._

Ben slipped away and Kylo was once again dominant. So he pushed her away. He pushed her away to protect her. If Hux knew how much Rey meant to him, he would use her to gain the upper hand and Kylo couldn’t watch Rey suffer again. He had barely held his composure when Snoke had abused her. If he saw someone mistreat her like that again, he would kill them in an instant.

The second reason for pushing her away was to protect her from himself. The voice was right. He couldn’t touch her. He would mar her and leave her blackened. He didn’t deserve her. She was....too good, too pure, his inhinged soul would pollute her heart and leave it cracked and soiled.

He didn’t want to see her handcuffed. He couldn’t look at her. He had succeeded in his goal though. She hated him now. So she would be safe from him.

He would free her somehow. He just had to bide his time. He would have to be careful. Hux would be watching but he would get her out. Let her go back to her friends. To Finn. The thought scratched. Made him want to hurt something. Instead he locked all the pain away, and the only sign that he was falling apart within was the occasional twitch of his eye or a slight tremble of his lip.

When they arrived at the first orders primary craft, Rey was escorted to the holding cells and Kylo returned to his quarters. He put his head in his hands. His light was gone. Closed off from him. He stood up, setting his expression into a neural mask. The Supreme Leader had work to do.

**********

Rey sat on the cot in her cell not knowing whether to laugh or cry. The whole situation was so ridiculous. She only has herself to blame. What had she expected to happen?

_He’s a killer._ She berated herself, you were just a temporary distraction. _He doesn’t care about you, he cares about the flesh you were about to offer to him._

Rey let out a groan of frustration. She stood up and paced with clenched fists.

She had to get out. Could she use the force? The cell was made out of energy beams that travelled from the ceiling to the floor. Rey ripped off a piece of her arm coverings and threw it at the bars. The thin material disappeared with a fizzle and a puff of smoke.

Rey slumped back down onto the cot. Momentarily defeated.

Maybe when the guard came back she could try and use her influence over him. Her powers had grown since she had been able to practice with Kylo. She felt a stab in her chest at the thought of his name. She suspected the wound wasn’t going to close anytime soon.

She couldn’t feel him now. He had put his walls back up. She contemplating blocking herself off, but decided that she wanted him to feel her. She knew that would cause him more pain.

She was here, exactly where he had always wanted her to be but she felt as if they were on different sides of the galaxy. She had said that nothing could change her mind about him after he saved her that day, but his cruel rejection had been too critical a hit for her heart. She lay down, suddenly exhausted. There would be time for her to plan her escape, right now she needed to rest.

Eventually Rey fell into a fitful sleep, but her dreams were plagued with images of wild beasts, with long snouts, red eyes and pointed ears like horns. The creatures chased her relentlessly and no matter how fast she ran, they were always right behind her snapping at her heels with their sharp jagged teeth.

She ran into something and screamed, then strong arms closed around her. She looked up at Kylo’s sorrowful face.

‘You can’t save me, but I can save you.’

He said before turning her in his arms and shielding her with his back as the hounds descended upon them.

Rey woke with a start. She sat up and saw Kylo standing outside her cell. At first she wondered if she was still dreaming.

‘Get up.’ He said.

She stood.

Suddenly Kylo swiped his hand past the bars and they retreated up onto the ceiling.

‘Let’s go.’ He said turning quickly to leave.

Rey followed him, ran to catch up with him as he strode down the corridor.

‘Why are you doing this?’ She asked.

He didn’t respond.

‘Kylo, answer me!’ She demanded.

Kylo dragged her down an adjacent corridor as two armed storm troopers marched past them.

Pushed up against the wall and crowded by Kylo’s massive form, Rey cursed her body for betraying her as she felt the familiar swell of arousal rise within her. She couldn’t help it, part of her still wanted him.

Kylo was focused on the guards passing by, but then his eyes closed briefly and he let out a shaky breath and when he looked at her, it was Ben’s eyes she saw searching her own. He touched her face but she pushed his hand away.

‘Is this why you’re helping me? Because when I’m around you can’t keep Ben under control?’ She whispered angrily.

He opened his mouth to speak but then thought better of it.

He moved to walk back out into the main corridor, then hesitated and turned to her,

‘You can’t save me, but I can save you.’

Rey’s mouth fell open as he uttered the exact same words from her dream that night. She followed him back into the corridor in silence.

As they walked Rey was lost in thought. Did he somehow pluck those words from her mind? Or had her dream been a premonition? If it was the latter, did that mean the creatures that had terrorised her dreams were also real? Rey shuddered at the thought.

They reached the hanger and Kylo pointed her to a small ship.

‘Go. Now.’ He said.

Rey felt tears prick her eyes, would this be the last time they would see each other, were they really going to part under these circumstances?

‘Goodbye.’ She said turning away, not wanting him to see how affected she was.

She took off and didn’t look back, but once she was at a safe distance, she let her angry desperate tears fall freely.

Kylo stood in the hanger long after Rey’s ship had disappeared from sight.

‘Is she gone?’ Hux asked as he stepped out of the shadows.

‘Yes.’ Kylo replied.

‘Did you put the tracker on her ship?’

‘Yes.’

‘Excellent. We will have them soon supreme leader.’

‘Yes. Soon.’


	15. A hidden danger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux begins to suspect that Kylo’s relationship with Rey is deeper than he had previously indicated. 
> 
> (This is a small update, a bigger one is coming next week.)

When Hux had approached Kylo with his plan to find the rebels base by pretending to release Rey and attaching a tracker to her escape craft, he had found it surprising how quickly the supreme leader had agreed to it. 

Usually the two men opposed each other’s every move, locked as they were in a constant battle for control over the first order.

So the apparent ease with which Kylo had accepted his plan had made Hux instantly suspicious. 

He became more concerned when the tracker attached to Rey’s ship that was supposed to lead them to the rebels location, malfunctioned and they lost her completely. 

This was supposed to be their glorious victory over the resistance and instead they still had no idea where the rebel base was and worse still, they had lost their one bargaining chip. 

Kylo had seemed very calm about the set back, which was completely out of character for their temperamental leader and Hux had felt the hair stand up on the back of his neck. Something wasn’t right. Hux began to wonder if there was more to Ren’s relationship with the girl than he had let on. 

That night, the two of them met to discuss strategy. Throughout the meeting, Kylo seemed distant and somewhat despondent. When Hux got up from the table and suggested they have a glass of Iridonian wine, Kylo had merely grunted in agreement. Hux poured two glasses and handed one to Kylo.

‘It is exceedingly misfortunate that the tracker malfunctioned.’ Hux stated.

Kylo nodded slowly.

‘But I have no doubt that we will succeed in wiping out the resistance in the very near future.’ 

Kylo didn’t respond.

Hux raised his glass into the air,  
‘A toast! To the rise of the first order and the destruction of its enemies!’ He exclaimed.

Kylo raised his glass then took a sip. 

The very moment Kylo put the glass to his lips, Hux put his glass down,

‘If you don’t mind, I won’t join you after all. This particular vintage is not to my discerning taste.’ 

Kylo felt his limbs start to weaken and his eyelids started to close against his will. The glass fell from his hand and smashed onto the ground.

‘What, what have you done to me?’ He growled.

‘I told you. I drink to the destruction of the first order’s enemies. Starting with its traitorous leader.’ Hux snarled. 

Kylo slumped in his chair, exhaustion overwhelmed him, 

‘It doesn’t matter what you do to me, you still won’t find her.’ He slurred.

‘We’ll see.’ Hux smirked as Kylo lost consciousness.


	16. Trapped

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux imprisons Kylo, will Rey come to his rescue?

Kylo woke up feeling like he had went ten rounds with a rancor. Everything hurt. The room around him was dark and smelled of damp. His arms seemed to be stuck in a unnatural position and it took him a few minutes to realise he was chained to the wall. He pulled at his restraints but to no avail. 

Hux. He had been bested by that low life excuse for a man and why? Because he had allowed his emotions to get the better of him. He had wallowed in self pity over losing Rey’s good opinion, instead of being aware of the dangers all around him. He deserved this fate. At least in death he would finally be free of the constant torment inflicted upon him by his own irreparable soul. 

‘Kylo you’re awake.’ 

From the darkness, Hux appeared. 

‘Kylo pulled at his chains once more,

‘Hux set me free. Now.’ 

‘You are in no position to be making demands.’ 

‘What do you plan to do to me?’ 

‘I want you to suffer, as I have suffered.’ Hux spat. ‘You turned your back on us, and for what? The attentions of a pretty little scavenger? A girl who is the only remaining symbol of hope for the resistance no less! you are no longer our leader. You are a traitor and a disgrace. I relieve you of your command and as acting supreme leader, I will decide your fate.’

‘Do it then. KILL ME.’ Kylo roared. His voice echoing against the stone walls.

‘Oh it’s not time for that yet.’ Hux replied. 

Kylo hung his head. 

‘I have plans for you. You see, I’m betting the girl cares for you too.’ 

Kylo’s eyes snapped back up to Hux and Hux smiled, happy to have his theory confirmed. 

‘I wonder, would she come to your aid if she knew your life was in danger?’ 

‘She won’t.’ 

‘I think you want to believe that, but I think deep down, your pathetic fragile little heart hopes she still cares for you enough to want to come for you.’ 

‘The girl isn’t important. Do what you want with me. Leave her out of this.’ 

‘The girl must die!’ Hux screamed manically. Then collected himself, 

‘Watching the girl die, will be far more agonising for you, then any pain I could inflict upon you.’ 

Kylo swallowed tightly. Hux was right. He couldn’t watch Rey die. Not now. It would break him. 

‘You don’t know where she is.’ He shot back. 

‘Yes, a minor set back, but I have a theory about that too. I’m going to make you bring her to me.’ 

‘What?’ 

‘I know you two have some sort of connection. I’ve been carefully monitoring our security footage. You talk to yourself a lot these days, but then I started to wonder, what if you were conversing with someone else? Perhaps someone I just cannot see?’ 

Kylo’s heart pounded like drums in his ears. 

‘I’m going to test my theory now.’ Hux said. 

He had something in his hand, he pressed it twice and two animals stalked out of the shadows. Kylo observed long pointed ears and elongated snouts. They had sleek gray coats of fur and piercing red eyes. Their sharp claws dug into the dirt around them. Hux pressed another button and the dogs growled, pulling back their lips to reveal sharp pointed teeth. 

Each of the animals wore a thick circle of metal around their necks. Kylo assumed that was what Hux was using to control them. 

‘Vornskr. Have you ever seen such majestic animals? They were often known as Jedi hunters. Many thought them to be extinct, but a lot of animals have a similar dna strand. Genetic breeding techniques have really advanced in recent years. These clones are near perfect,’ he said stroking one of the animals on the head, ‘And the best part is, they obey my every command.’ Hux held up the device and pressed down hard. The animals began to advance on Kylo, slowly. 

‘Call for her.’ Hux commanded.

‘No.’ 

Hux pressed again and one of the Vornskr moved closer.

Kylo tried to reach forward to project his grip around Hux’s neck but his arms were unmovable. 

He fixed his eyes on Hux, ‘you will......'

'No, I won't.' Hux said and pressed the device again. The advancing Vornskr, swung its whip like tail at Kylo, he felt a sharp pain in his right thigh, and then his body suddenly became rigid. He realised with growing fear, that he was frozen in place. 

‘Another skill that makes the Vornskr such good hunters, is their ability to paralyse their prey with their venomous tails.’Hux said smugly.

Hux stepped closer. A move which Kylo recognised as a show of power. 

‘I said, call for her.’ He repeated.

‘No.’ Kylo stated. He mentally prepared himself for the impending attack, and utilised the force to protect himself from injury. 

Hux’s eyes blazed. The Vornskr pounced forward, digging its front claws into Kylo’s chest. 

Kylo cried out as the animal sliced diagonally through his clothing and flesh with ease. Dragging its nails down from his right shoulder to his navel. Kylo felt as if his chest was on fire. He tried to look at the wound. It was bleeding steadily but not heavily. This was meant as a warning shot, not a fatal blow. He willed the force around him to help him heal. 

‘Now you have seen what they can do, you will perhaps reconsider my request?’ 

Kylo panted heavily, then laughed, ‘I’m not so good at following orders, remember?’ 

Hux crouched down so his eyes were level with Kylo’s. 

‘If you won’t call to her, I’m betting if I make you hurt enough….she will hear it across the stars, and if not,’ he shrugged, ‘then at least you will die in unspeakable agony.’ 

Hux leaned forward and ripped Kylo’s shirt from his body. 

‘So my boys have a clear target.’ He said with a sneer. 

**********  
Back at the rebel base, Rey had to break the news to Leia that her mission had failed. She didn’t give Leia the details of her capture, merely revealing that Hux had discovered them and she had been imprisoned. Leia took the news well, but there was a hint of sadness in her eyes that secretly killed Rey. 

‘I wish I could have turned him for you Leia.’ She said sadly. 

‘It’s not your job to do that my dear. Ben can only come home if he chooses it, and I guess he has made his choice.’ 

Rey hung her head. 

‘Now, now. None of that. You are home and you are safe. That’s all that matters. Get some rest and we will talk in the morning.’ 

Rey nodded and turned to leave. 

‘He did let me go,’ she said with her hand on the door. 

‘I know.’ Leia said softly, ‘But we keep clutching at these glimpses of Ben and it appears that Kylo is still the stronger being. Maybe Ben will never regain control. Maybe Kylo will destroy him completely one day.’ 

Rey felt tears prick at her eyes, ‘I feel as if I am constantly caught between Kylo and Ben and I care about them both, but it’s killing me.’ 

‘I know Rey. I won’t ask you to do this again. I think we have to accept that he is gone for good.’ 

Hearing someone else say the words she had been refusing to believe even though her thoughts had been consumed by the very same conclusion, sapped Rey of her strength and she fell to the floor and sobbed violently. She cried for Kylo, she cried for Ben and she cried for what could not be. Leia wrapped her arms around her and held her tightly. 

‘Do you love him Rey?’ She asked gently. 

Rey didn’t respond. 

**********

The creatures were back. Darkness reigned around her and she could hear their snarling growls surrounding her position. 

Her eyes darted around wildly as she tried to locate the beasts. 

Then a voice, faint but audible met her ears. It was him. 

‘I won’t call her.’ 

Who? Me? He won’t call me?

The animals howled. The sound was deafening. Rey covered her ears and squeezed her eyes shut. When she opened them, everything was silent. Then she saw him. He was chained up and bleeding and his head was slumped forward and despite everything that had happened between them, she still ran to him.

Her eyes scanned his injuries worriedly. He took a breath. 

'Cant move.' He mumbled. 

Rey gently tipped his chin up so that his head leaned against the wall behind him. He looked at her. 

'Don't come for me. Don't try to find me. Forget me.' He said. 

Rey pulled in a shaky breath, 'Who did this to you?' 

'Hux. He wants me to pay.'

'For what?' She asked. fearing she already knew the answer.

'For you.' He said. 

Guilt consumed Rey. This was because of her. 'Where are you?'

'I don't know.' 

'I will find you.' She said vermently. 

'No.'

The howling started to build once more. 

'Go.' He said.

'No.'

The howling got louder and louder.

'Go!' 

Rey woke up in her quarters back at rebel base. Her body was clammy and her cheeks were soaked in tears. She felt confused and disorientated but she was sure of two things. Kylo Ren was close to death and he wanted her to let him die.


	17. Take my strength....

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey desperately wants to find Kylo but will she be able to learn his location, and will she reach him in time?

Rey wiped at her cheeks as her heart beat wildly in her chest. 

Her thoughts swirled chaotically. He was broken. Because of her. Because he let her go. Because Hux found out. Because he tried to protected her. Why? Because he cared for her. Because _they_ cared for her.

Where was he? Not on a ship. A planet then. Somewhere dark and dank. Where would Hux take him? _Leia_. Maybe Leia could help.

She jumped off the bed, dressed quickly and flew out of the room to Leia’s office.

‘He’s in danger!’ She said as she burst through the door to Leia’s office.

‘I know.’ Leia said with a sombre expression.

‘Do you know where he is?’

‘I do.’

Rey’s eyes widened, ‘where?’

‘No. You are not to interfere.’ Leia said.

‘What?’ Rey said stepping forward. 

‘It’s too dangerous Rey, those beasts that tore him up, they will kill you. I have seen it in my dreams. To lose Ben is ...heartbreaking but if we lose you? Then the resistance loses its hope Rey. I must protect you at all costs.’

Rey felt anger rise within her, ‘You are willing to gamble his life for a concept?’

‘Hope is not a concept.’

‘I am in control of my destiny. You will tell me where he is and I will go to him.’

‘Rey, you are hurt and scared. These dark feelings are clouding your judgement right now. You need to think about this….’

‘I don’t! I need to act! I need to go. Now.’

‘I will not tell you where he is.’

Rey’s face hardened.

Leia lifted an eyebrow, ‘Rey you need to calm down.’

‘I think you are calm enough for the both of us.’

‘Don’t allow your feelings to lead you down the wrong path.’

‘I can’t let him die Leia. I won’t let him die.’

‘You’re not.’ Leia said. ‘I am.’

**********

Rey slumped to the floor the moment she left Leia’s office. The world around her seemed like a nightmare. Her thoughts were engaged elsewhere.

‘Kylo.’ She said closing her eyes.

In her mind, she saw him. Still chained to the wall. His eyes opened when he heard her call, he looked at her, but his eyelids fluttered closed randomly. ‘Rey?’ He questioned, as if he was felt he couldn’t trust his own eyes. He was exhausted. Time was running out.

She desperately wanted to help but didn’t know how. Her heart sped up, and her muscles began to ache. She felt as if her body was reaching for him across the stars and she suddenly felt very tired. She yawned. Kylo’s head snapped up. Rey rubbed her heavy eyes. Kylo shook his chains.

He can move now. Rey observed sleepily.

Kylo looked down at his body, then at his hands, he seemed to be confused.

‘Rey what are you doing?’ He asked.

‘What?’ Rey asked. She felt almost drunk now and she had such a strong urge to close her eyes.

‘Rey, whatever you are doing. Stop!’

‘I’m not doing anything!’ She said. Why was he shouting at her? She was so tired…..

‘Shhhh.’ She mumbled half asleep already. 

‘Rey,’ Kylo said his voice gentle now,‘close the bond. I don’t know how you are doing it, but somehow you are transferring your energy to me. If you continue…. you will…..’

The connection broke as Rey slid to the floor unconscious. 

**********

Kylo moved his limbs. He didn’t understand how, but somehow Rey’s strength had flowed into him through the bond and counteracted the effects of the vornskr venom.

She hadn’t known what she was doing, it was unconsciously done, an act of pure undiluted kindness and Kylo’s tainted heart was suddenly consumed by her. She flowed in his veins, and he felt her warmth envelope him. He closed his eyes savouring the feeling of having her essence inside him. When he re-opened his eyes, he was filled with a new found determination to live and to see we again.

Kylo feared that Rey was suffering as a result of the transference and knowing that pained him. He wanted to connect to her but couldn’t seem to open the bond. He assume that probably meant she was unconscious. 

Kylo had no idea how much time had passed since Hux had imprisoned him, stuck as he was in some sort of windowless dungeon. 

Hux had not yet returned. He had left him half dead after the last attack. He didn’t know that Kylo had contacted Rey after all, even though he had tried desperately not to. Their bond was stronger than he had ever anticipated. He suspected a part of him was always calling out to her. She would want to come for him, but she wouldn’t be able to locate him, and if he kept sapping her strength, he didn’t know what would happen to her. 

Frustration and anger prickled at his skin. Frustration at being trapped like an animal and frustration at indirectly hurting Rey. He called out into the darkness, knowing there was no one to hear him but needing to release the anguish within. 

**********

Rey awoke in the infirmary. Leia was looking down at her, concern etched on her face.

‘Rey what happened? When I found you, you were completely incapacitated.’ 

‘I saw Kylo.’ Rey squeaked. Her throat was dry and the words scratched. Leia helped Rey into a sitting position and held a cup of water to her lips. 

‘Thank you. Kylo and I, we were connected through the force but something happened, somehow my strength seemed to transfer to him, then I felt overwhelmingly tired and then everything went black.’

Leia looked at Rey in awe, ‘You….you gave him your energy? You chose to keep him alive at the expense of your own life?’ She said her voice breaking.

‘I didn’t really know what I was doing. I had no idea anything like that was even possible.’

Was their bond growing? Was their connection deeper now? Rey thought. 

Leia collected herself, ‘this is dangerous. We don’t know how to stop this transference. If this happens again, it could kill you.’ 

The dull haze in Rey’s mind cleared and one idea pushed to the front of her thoughts strong, clear and determined,

‘And I will let it.’

‘What?’

‘I’ll let him kill me, if it happens again. Now that I know it’s possible, I’ll give him everything I have.’

‘Rey!’ Leia called out. ‘No!’

‘Tell me where he is and let me go to him or you will lose us both.’ 

Leia slumped back in the chair behind her and rubbed her face with her hands. Rey could feel her resolve weaken.

‘Please Leia, I have to try. If you truly believe that hope is our greatest resource, let me have hope...in him.’ 

Leia looked up at Rey, ‘It’s a difficult day when we find that our children have surpassed our teaching and are in fact now teaching us.’ 

‘Or perhaps it’s just the dawn of something new where we teach each other?’ 

‘Rey you’ll make a wonderful leader one day.’

‘I learned from the best.’ She said and the two women shared a look of mutual respect and love. ‘Now, where is he?’ 

**********


	18. The rescue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey is running out of time and Hux is running out of patience. Will Rey be able to save Kylo before Hux snaps?

  
Hux returned with water and a proposition. He held the metal container to Kylo’s lips while he drank.

Kylo decided it was best to pretend he was still paralysed or Hux might decide to have the Vornskr stab him again.

‘Now, I’m not unreasonable Kylo. So say you give me the girl, and I make your death swift and relatively painless. What do you care? If as you claim she means nothing to you, then her death can be if little consequence?’

‘Counter offer, you unchain me and I kill you where you stand you disgusting coward.’

Hux pursed his lips, ‘I don’t think so.’

The beasts growled behind Hux.

Was this it? Would this be the final time? Would he be able to push Hux into killing him this time?

‘You can’t lead Hux. You have no idea what it means to be responsible for others. You can’t make the difficult decisions. You’re weak.’

‘YOU’RE WEAK!’ Hux roared.

‘You have made me physically weak yes, but not where it matters. Weakness of the mind is a terrible affliction and one that is not easily recovered from.’

‘SILENCE!’ Hux screamed. His eyes were fierce. Kylo was getting under his skin.

‘You want me to kill you. You want this to end don’t you, but I will break you first. You will give me what I want.’ Hux spat. 

‘No, I will break you, as soon as I’m free of these chains.’

‘You still think there is a way out of this? There is no one coming for you. You will not escape. Call to Rey, maybe she will take pity on you and come to your aid. It won’t help but at least you can die in each other’s arms.’ Hux taunted.

‘No.’

‘I think you are out of options.’

‘I think you are out of your mind.’

‘Arghhhhh! Call the girl now!’ Hux screamed.

‘No!’ Kylo roared back.

‘You seem in better spirits today than yesterday.’ Hux said suspiciously.

‘I have accepted that my fate is to die. It is…. freeing.’

‘So it would appear, I have to go, but when I return I will help you move closer to the fate you so desire.’

‘Can’t wait.’

Hux left and Kylo pushed out a breath.

He didn’t want to admit it, but Rey really was his last hope.

**********

‘You can’t take the falcon. It’s still in for repairs since we retrieved it. The cold really wasn’t kind to the old gal.’ Leia said sadly.

‘That’s okay. The falcon would be too conspicuous anyway. I need to use stealth.’ Rey had swapped her usual clothes for black fatigues, black gloves and a pair of heavy black boots. Leia has insisted on protective clothing. The planet Rey was travelling to was extremely dangerous.

‘You can use my ship. It’s small but faster than our other vessels.’

‘Thank You Leia.’

‘Don’t thank me. Just come home safe and if you can, bring him with you.’

‘I will.’ Rey said determinedly.

Rey boarded Leia’s ship and sent a prayer out to whoever was listening.

‘If there’s some sort of higher power out there guiding me, there must be a reason Kylo and I are connected, so please help me save him so we can do whatever it is we were born to do.’

Rey started the ships engine and plotted a course to the planet Mustafar.

**********

Hux knew he was running out of time. His fellow officers were becoming suspicious of his story regarding Kylo’s absence. He had assured them via the video call that he was hot on the supreme leaders trail and hoped to bring him back any day now.

He would have to get rid of Kylo soon and focus his energy entirely on his bid to lead the first order. It wasn’t possible to oversee operations from his ship, which he kept in orbit above Mustafar, using a small shuttle to travel to and from the planet. The planets location in the outer rim was useful for his purposes of concealment, but he was rather far from the rest of the fleet.

There was already talk of an election if Kylo did not return. Hux needed to cement himself as head of the regiment in their minds, which meant he needed a victory. That victory would be gained with Rey’s lifeless body. Her body would serve as evidence that he was the strongest candidate and would give him the leverage he needed to mount him campaign to place himself at the top of the pile.

The girl would come eventually. Then he would finally get his revenge. Everything had been perfect before she had dispatched of Snoke. Their glorious leader. Gone. And what had replaced him? A snivelling cry baby, a halfling, not a Sith, not a Jedi, a worthless child stuck between two worlds, not belonging to either. Killing Kylo would be a blessing. It would finally end his pathetic internal conflict and give the first order a chance to gain their long awaited victory with a true leader at the helm.

He just had to be patient a little longer. The girl would come, then he would have his revenge and his reward, but patience was not one of Hux’s resources. He needed to take out his frustration on someone. Time to pay Kylo another visit before retiring for the evening.

**********

Rey landed her ship carefully on an old landing pad. The planet used to be mined for its resources but it was stripped bare now and the only remains of that world were left over equipment and aging buildings. In the distance stood a derelict castle, with a large tower looming over her. This was her destination. Vader’s castle, now Kylo’s prison.

The planet was hot, lakes and rivers of lava surrounded her. Rey attached a water flask to her belt and set off towards the castle. She hadn’t seen another ship and hoped that meant that Hux might currently be absent.

Upon reaching the castle she found the doors to be open. Typical arrogance. Hux obviously thought there was no need for the extra security as no one would ever find his hiding place. He never had any respect for the force. The Fool. Unless, he was expecting her to come and left the doors open as a trap.....

The door opened with a loud creak and Rey winced at the sound. So much for being inconspicuous. If she was walking into  trap, they would know she was here by now. She knew Kylo was most likely located in the cellar so she headed down the winding metal staircase. The castle was dark and Rey had to wait for her eyes to adjust before she could fully take in her surroundings.

There wasn’t much to see. The place had long been abandoned. She could feel Kylo. He was close but his energy was dwindling again. Rey sped up. She reached the bottom of the stairs and found a corridor with what looked like cells leading off from it. She tried the first door. Locked. She looked through the barred window in the door. Growls came from within. The beasts. So this is where he kept them. Barbaric.

She kept searching the rooms, but found them empty. When she reached the final room she finally felt Kylo’s energy strengthen as she reached out for him.

‘Kylo!’ She shouted into the darkness. There was no reply. Rey took out her blaster and shot at the lock. The door opened and Rey finally saw Kylo slumped against the wall. The scratches across his chest had recently been reopened and Rey worried she had come too late.

**********

‘Kylo? Kylo!’ Rey shook him by the shoulders but he didn’t respond.

Rey blasted his restraints and Kylo’s arms dropped to his sides, lifeless.

Rey held his face in her hands. Tears pooled in her eyes.

‘Kylo please! We don’t have long.’

Holding his face she suddenly saw an image of Hux in the centre of the room with his creatures flanking him. The image was ghostly, almost like a holo vision of what had been. She couldn’t hear what they were saying but she saw the anger on Hux’s face and saw the poison in his eyes. He pointed at Kylo and the beasts jumped, tearing his chest open. The apparitions of the creatures, jumped through her where she sat crouched before Kylo, as they mauled at his chest. Rey looked away as the bile rose in her throat. Then the image floated away like wisps of smoke.

Rey heard footsteps approaching. Hux. Hux was coming. She heard the howls of the beasts that had haunted her dreams. Was he here for Kylo? Or was he just here to feed his gruesome pets? She didn’t know but she worried that they would be discovered soon.

She put her head on Kylo’s chest. There was a heartbeat, faint, but it was there.

Desperation filled her, what should she do? Then an idea popped into her head. She didn’t know if it would work, but it was the only idea she had.

‘Please.’ She pleaded. It had worked once, she hoped her energy would be able to revive him once more.

‘Kylo, come back to me.’ She whispered as she took his head in her hands once more.

Then pressed her lips against his.

Offering a lifeline, or a farewell to the man who owned half her soul whether she wanted him to or not.

**********

Kylo slowly started to feel something pulling him back to the living. Bringing him back to the surface of life. His body awakened, it began to search for the light that had touched him.

‘Rey.’ He murmured. Something was pushed up against his lips, obstructing his words. Something warm and soft. He reached a hand up. Soft skin and silky hair met his fingers. He opened his mouth wider, wanting more. His strength was building. His desire grew as his energy returned.

The warmth retreated and Kylo growled at the sudden deprivation.

‘More.’ He pleaded his voice sounding strained.

‘Kylo.’

_Rey. Rey’s voice_. Kylo opened his eyes. She was there. Really there. He reached for her face.

‘You came for me.’ He said with open reverence.

‘I said I would.’ Rey said with a watery smile. Remembering when Kylo had said those same words to her. She placed her hand over his where it lay on her cheek.

‘Hux is coming, we may have to fight. Can you stand?’

‘Yes, thanks to you.’ He replied.

‘Good. Where is your saber?’

‘Hux wears it.’

‘Good. We can pull it from him then.’

‘Hux won’t be a problem. The vornskr will be.’ Kylo said. 

‘That’s what those creatures from my dreams are called? Why do they do Hux’s bidding?’

‘He controls them with some sort of a device.’

‘We just have to get that device then.’

‘Yes. Then we have a plan.’ Kylo said with a nod. 

They looked at each other.

‘You kissed me.’ Kylo stated, looking down at her. Searching her eyes for answers.

Rey opened her mouth to reply just as Hux burst into the room, his beasts not far behind. 

**********


	19. The Rescue (Part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux has discovered Rey and Kylo....

Hux’s eyes gleamed with triumph at the sight of Rey. He pressed the device in his hand and the hounds leapt towards her. 

Kylo called his saber from Hux’s belt. It came to him with ease. He placed himself between Rey and the Vornskr. Panting heavily from the effort. He was still not fully recovered and was losing blood at an alarming rate.

Rey felt a wave of affection pass to Kylo through their bond. He was a sight, shirtless and bloody, leaning forward, willing to take on the beasts for her despite his injuries.

He stomped his right foot against the ground as he ignited his saber. At the sight of the fiery blade, the Vornskr backed away.

‘What are you doing? Attack!’ Hux screamed. Pressing the device in his hand over and over. The crackling saber continued to keep the Vornskr at bay.

Rey took a deep breath, closed her eyes and gathered her strength as she called to the force for help. She leaned around Kylo’s body to take aim. 

She focused her blaster at Hux’s hand and shot. The blast went straight through Hux’s palm and he cried out and dropped the device in his hand. 

Hux fell to the ground clutching at his injury. Shaky fingers held the wrist of his injured hand as he stared with shock at the carterised hole that now resided there. 

Rey used the force to call the device to her. It came with ease.

Kylo extinguished his saber, and kneeled down before the Vornskr. He looked into their eyes and the beasts cocked their heads at him. Kylo waved an arm through the air between himself and the creatures. 

‘You will obey.’ He commanded. 

The Vornskr stood perfectly still.

‘Sit.’ Kylo said.

The Vornskr immediately obeyed. 

Kylo pulled himself back up to a standing position. It proved difficult due to his wounds.

‘What are we going to do with you?’ Kylo said, looking down at Hux.

Rey stepped forward. She dropped the device on the floor and crushed it under her boot. 

‘I say we kill him.’ She said.

Hux’s eyes grew wide with fear. 

Kylo looked at Rey. She was focused on Hux with a look of pure hatred. 

Suddenly, Kylo saw an image of himself being attacked by the Vornskr. He quickly realised the image had come from Rey. These were her thoughts he was seeing. She looked at him with pain in her eyes, then the pain was pushed aside and anger replaced it.

‘He did that to you.’ She said, her words dripping with venom. ‘Why shouldn’t we do the same to him?’ 

Kylo swallowed hard as an image of Rey running Hux through with his lightsaber ran through his mind and he felt himself deeply affected by the thought, despite how weak he was from his injuries. 

He knew Rey had seen his thoughts. She came towards him. There was something running through her. A vein of darkness. Just like the one that had always resided within himself.

‘You want it too.’ She said. ‘I saw your thoughts. Shall I kill him? Shall I kill him…..for you?’ 

Kylo wanted to say yes, but he knew killing Hux would mean that Rey was stepping over a line, she would be nurturing the darkness within her, allowing it to grow. Perhaps it would extinguish her light completely. Kylo realised that he did not want that. Rey was his light. He didn’t want that to die.  

‘No.’ He said. 

Rey frowned. 

Kylo moved away from her. Putting his saber out in front of him, aiming it at Hux. 

Hux set his face into a grimace,

‘Do it! Go on. Show her you’re nothing more than a killer! Show her why she is a fool to believe that you had changed!’ 

‘I have changed.’ Kylo said calmly. 

Rey’s mouth fell open slightly. 

‘But you will never change.’ Kylo growled as he ran Hux through with his saber.

Hux died instantly, flopped against the wall of the cell with his eyes still open. 

‘Why didn’t you let me do it?’ Rey asked.

‘My soul is already black, I don’t want that same fate for you.’ 

He stumbled slightly and Rey ran to him, taking his saber fromhis hand and fixing it to her belt. She placed his arm over her shoulders, buckling slightly under his weight but providing adequate support. 

‘Let’s go.’ She said and Kylo nodded.

‘What should we do with them?’ She asked tilting her head to the Vornskr.

‘Let’s take them with us, they may prove useful.’ Kylo whistled and the animals fell into step behind them.

They moved slowly up the stairs and through the castle. 

‘I’ve never been here before, I always wanted to, but now it’s just another painful memory for me.’ Kylo said sadly.

Rey didn’t know what to say so she put her free arm around Kylo’s waist and squeezed a little. 

‘Why did you come for me?’ He asked.

‘How could I not?’ Rey asked.

‘After what I did, after I renounced your name in front of Hux, I thought….I thought that would be the end for us.’ 

‘This connection between us is bigger than just you and me, Kylo. We cannot be parted so easily.’ 

‘For what it’s worth, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t stand with you when you needed me to most. I thought it was the right course of action. I was…..trying to protect you.’ 

‘I know...I think I knew that….but it still hurt.’ 

‘That’s all I ever seem to do…. hurt you.’ 

‘Not always. You saved me once.’

‘And now you’ve repaid the favour.’ Kylo said.

They reached the ship and Rey helped Kylo into the co-pilot's chair. She grabbed a medical kit and began binding Kylo’s chest. 

The Vornskr settled down together to sleep at Kylo’s suggestion. 

Rey’s heart beat fast as she carefully wound the thin fabric around Kylo’s chest. Her fingers grazed his abdomen lightly and her hands trembled. 

‘Rey…’ Kylo said stilling her hand with his own and looking up at her with unguarded eyes.

A million thoughts went through Rey’s head. Hands touching, lips meeting, naked bodies moving together, a house in the country, everything green.....so much green, a swollen stomach, her stomach, the laugh of a child…..

She looked at Kylo,

‘What do we do now?’ She said with tears in her eyes. 

‘I don’t know.’ He said truthfully.

Kylo looked down at her hand in his and ran his fingers gently over her fingers. Rey pulled her hand away. The simple contact was too painful for her when there was still no resolution between them. 

Rey finished attending to his injuries and sat down in the pilot's chair.

‘Hux will have a ship near here, I could take you there. You could go back. Reclaim your place as leader of the first order.’ She said. Her voice void of emotion. 

‘I’m weak. I need rest. I’m not ready to.....Come with me to the ship. Stay with me. Just until I am well again. Please Rey.’ 

Rey closed her eyes. This constant battle between her heart and her head was exhausting. She was worn down by it. 

‘The ship will have a cloaking device. We can hide here for now. You can contact Leia let her know where you are. I know you are as tired as I am. Let us rest. For now. The decisions can wait. Just a little longer.’ 

Rey didn’t answer, but Kylo relaxed in his chair when he saw Rey use the ships interface to locate Hux’s ship and set an intercept course. 


	20. Recovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Kylo take some time to rest following their battle with Hux and make some surprising discoveries about each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are still with me, Thank you. I've put you through a lot but this is the start of your reward. This is the start of the fluffy chapters, there will be more.... 
> 
> I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. :-)
> 
> Thank you to Alsterwasser for her valuable input as always. :-)

Kylo woke in a large bed he didn’t recognise. He looked around the room. _Hux_. This was Hux’s room, they were on board his private cruiser. He tried to sit up but his chest felt as if something was crushing it, as if a heavy weight were pushing down on him. He looked down, his chest was freshly bandaged and he was wearing underwear he didn’t recognise and nothing else. Rey must have stripped him of what was left of his clothing. He swallowed thickly.

He felt someone stir next to him. Rey? Rey was here? In bed? Next to him?

‘Shhhh,’ She soothed, ‘Lie still.’

‘Why are you here?’ He asked.

Rey closed her eyes, ‘Kylo there is only one bed and I was exhausted and I needed to keep an eye on you, so if you have a problem with the sleeping arrangements…’

‘No, it’s not a problem, I was just confused.’ He said quickly then groaned. Apparently talking was also an issue for him now.

Rey’s eyes popped open and she hovered over him, ‘Do you need anything?’

‘Water, please.’ He said.

Rey hopped out of the bed. He noted she was wearing a long black tunic. No doubt one of Hux’s. The thought made him feel irrationally angry. His eyes lingered on the back of her bare legs as she padded across the floor.

Rey caught his mood through the bond and cocked her head at him for a moment as she poured him a glass of water.She brought the water over to the bed and held his head up as she held the glass to his lips.

‘How long have I been asleep?’ He asked once he was finished quenching his thirst.

‘Two days.’ Rey replied.

‘Two days?’ He asked with surprise.

‘I think you went into a sort of….force coma. It has really helped to speed up the healing process. You can see later when I change your dressings.’

‘You’ve been changing my dressings while I’ve been asleep?’ He asked.

‘Of course.’

That explained the dreams he had been having. Dreams filled with soft delicate hands..... Kylo swallowed hard. The air between them was heavy with unspoken words.

‘Did you talk to Leia?’ He asked.

‘I did.’ She said. Offering no more information.

‘And?’ He prompted lifting an eyebrow at her.

‘She knows where I am, but does not know my precise location. The ship is cloaked and currently we are in orbit around an uninhabited moon. She knows I am with you. She was happy to know you were alive, but saddened by your injuries. She was glad to hear that I am...tending to you.’ She said looking away. 

Kylo found it difficult to believe his mother would be happy to hear he had survived. Surely his death would be a massive relief to her. Better a dead son than a traitorous one. 

‘She doesn’t want you dead, she just wants you back.’ Rey said softly putting her hand over his own.

Kylo ignored the comment.

‘How long do you think it will be until I’m fully healed?’

‘Leia consulted with the base physician, we think 4-6 weeks, maybe more or maybe less if you can continue to utilise the force.’

Kylo nodded taking it this new information. That was a long time. A long time for the two of them to be alone. On a ship with only one bed. 

If Rey had read his thoughts she did not make it known, ‘Are you hungry? Hux has an abundance of provisions stored on board.’

‘Why are you helping me?’ He blurted out.

Rey shrugged and played with the corner of the bed sheets, ‘You asked me to stay with you.’

‘You did not have to agree.’

‘I wanted to.’

‘Why?’

‘You know why.’

‘I want to hear you say it.’ He said his eyes boring into her.

Rey cried out in frustration and turned her head towards him, ‘What do you want me to say? That I care about you? You know that. That I wanted to kiss you that night and back in that cell? You know that too. That I couldn’t bare to imagine a world without you in it so I came for you even though I knew it wouldn’t change a thing between us? Even though I knew it would not help us escape this eternal limbo that exists between us?’ She turned away from him.

‘I’ll check on you later.’ She said climbing out of the bed.

‘Rey!’

She stopped in her tracks.

‘Stay. Lie down with me. Please.’

She stood still for a while and then came back to the bed and lay down.

A moment later Kylo reached out towards her and laced his fingers with hers.

‘It does change things.’ He said softly.

**********  
‘Kylo.’ Rey softly shook him awake. He opened his eyes and looked up into hers. 

‘Kylo, I ran a bath for you. I really need to get you cleaned up.’

Kylo nodded and was grateful when Rey automatically leaned down to help carry his weight. It took some time but they finally made it to the bathroom. It was only then that Kylo realised Rey was going to see him naked, but then she must have seen him naked before, while he was unconscious, which was an unnerving thought. Only, he wasn’t unconscious now and he would be fully aware that she was looking at him and that could have.....embarrassing consequences.

Rey stood before him and looked up into his eyes. She pulled his underwear down and slid them down his legs. She kept her eyes on his as she did this, then she helped him into the bath. The pain from his wound was still very fresh and luckily it distracted him from any feelings of arousal.

He sighed, the water felt comforting, though his chest stung somewhat. He lay back and closed his eyes, letting his long arms run along the sides of the bath. He heard Rey making a rustling sound. He cracked open one eye and saw her rolling up the sleeves of the tunic.

‘What are you doing?’ He asked.

‘I’m going to wash you now.’ She said matter of factly.

She grabbed a cloth and some soap and leaned over the bath. Kylo didn’t know how he felt about this, but it wasn’t like he could object. There was no way he could do it himself and he was in serious need of some personal care after being stuck in that cellar for so many days.

She started with his arms and chest. Making gentle little circular movements as she worked up a lather. She carefully avoided his bandages. It felt….nice. It was relaxing, and it was a welcome distraction from the ever present pain.

Then she moved upwards from his feet to his thighs, washing each leg in turn and it took a lot of effort to keep his mind off the area that she was so carefully avoiding with the cloth and her eyes.

They were both somewhat relieved at first when she moved onto washing his hair, but then that turned out to be just as problematic for his libido. She sat behind his head balanced on the bathtub with both her legs either side of his upper body, submerged in the water. She took his head in her hands to tilt it back towards her. Their eyes met. He could feel her desire to bend down and kiss him but she resisted. Something was preventing her, his injury? Was he less attractive to her now? Weak as he was? No, that wasn’t it. She was afraid….

‘Kylo could you not read my thoughts right now?’ Rey asked. Her unguarded eyes revealing how painful it was to have her emotions sifted through by him at that moment.

‘I’m sorry.’ He said, retreating from her mind and trying to stay focused within his own thoughts.

Rey ran warm water over his scalp, then sunk her hands into his hair as she massaged the soap in. Kylo closed his eyes. A feeling he hadn’t felt in a long time washed over him. It was….unsettling at first, then he recognised it as contentment. He was….content. He allowed himself to wallow in the feeling as Rey’s fingers gently caressed him, kneading his scalp. He took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. He let him mind drift through time. He remembered a time before war and vendetta’s, when things had been easier and all he had had to worry about was pleasing his Uncle Luke.

Remembering Luke made his anger spike and Rey must have recognised the change in him because she gently moved her hands down to the back of his head and worked her way up from the nape of his neck to the top of his head with slow, pressured fingers.

Rey was delighted to feel Kylo’s enjoyment at her touch as his thoughts travelled through the bond to her. She took more time than was necessary washing his hair simply because she wanted to please him and she found that she liked touching him in that way. There was something peaceful about the two of them coming together under these tranquil circumstances, although she wished it could have been achieved without the need for one of them to have to suffer a life threatening injury. She finished her task and after rinsing, carefully ran a towel over his head to squeeze out the excess moisture.

She climbed out of the bath and was somewhat taken back by his appearance. She had never seen Kylo with his hair slicked back before. It looked good on him but it also made his ears stick out a little which made him look much younger than his years.

Rey giggled involuntarily.

‘What?’ He asked with a frown.

‘Nothing, What about this? Do you want me to do something about this?’ Rey said, running a hand across his cheek. Kylo realised his facial hair has grown quite a lot during his incarceration.

‘I can shave it maybe? Hux has supplies here. I’ve never done it before though.’

Kylo’s throat tightened and he merely nodded in response. Partly because he didn’t want any remaining reminders of the time he had spent trapped with Hux, partly because he was always clean shaven and the beard was proving to be irritating and scratchy and mainly because he wanted her to keep touching him and this seemed like an excellent way to keep her doing that.

Rey helped him out of the bath and dried him, again carefully avoiding looking at certain areas of his anatomy although she did brush over his groin with the towel and he felt himself react to her touch like a Vornskr in heat.It took all the strength he had left to will his body not to show a physical reaction to the thoughts that were running through his head.

As a distraction he asked about the beasts they had brought onboard.

‘How are our..... guests?’ He enquired.

‘Good. Now they have accepted that I’m the hand that feeds them, they are really responding to training and I’m enjoying interacting with them. They won’t let me touch them yet but I can sit very close to them now, as long as I stay very very still. I’m sure I will earn their trust…..in time.’ She said glancing up him with tinted cheeks.

Rey lead him back to the bedroom and seated him upright in a chair. She pealed off the now wet bandages, checked on his wounds and replaced them with new dressings. 

Then she wrapped a towel around his upper body, mumbling something about how the towel barely covered him and wondering out loud if she should obtain another one.

She padded off to the bathroom again, and returned with the razor and foam. Using a little brush, she began patting foam onto his chin, cheeks and throat.

His heart quickened, she was studying him so closely. She was very clearly focused on the task at hand but the intense scrutiny made him want to turn away from her. Her eyes were so hypnotic that they coaxed him into submission.

Rey must have sensed his discomfort,

‘Am I hurting you? We can stop?’ She said stilling her hand.

‘No it’s fine. Continue please.’ He rasped out.

Rey looked sceptical but did as he asked.

The moment the razor touched his face he was lost in her. She was inches away from him. He could feel her warm breath on his skin as she worked. He struggled to maintain his composure. Usually they had droids do work such as this. It was a cold, clinical detached experience. This was the exact opposite. It felt intimate and personal. Did Hux have a droid onboard for tasks such as this? Perhaps Rey knew this but has chosen to complete the task herself? The thought pleased him. 

Rey was gently and her touch was feather light. Her quick reflexes meant the task was over sooner than Kylo had hoped. She wiped his face clean then pressed a hot towel to his skin.

‘There!’ She said standing back to admire her work. ‘Much better.’ She came forward and looked down at him with warm eyes,

‘I remember you.’ She said with a smile, then she picked up the razor and foam.

Kylo run a hand over his now smooth skin,

‘Do you know there are droids for this kind of work?’ He asked, curious for her answer.

‘Yes I know.’ She said with a small knowing smile as she left the room.

**********

Rey helped him back into bed.

‘How are you feeling now?’

‘Exhausted But much more comfortable. Thank You.’

‘You’re welcome.’ Rey said with a smile. ‘You get some rest. I’m going to feed Meru and Orkoon.’

Kylo snorted at Rey’s choice of names for the wild animals that had tried to kill him mere days before, ‘‘They aren’t pets Rey, we should return them to the wild as soon as we are able.’

Rey pouted, ‘I’m not sure I can part with them now that I’ve named them. They are much less aggressive now they know me better!’

‘This is your argument? They are much less aggressive? ' Kylo sighed. He didn’t have the energy to argue with her, his eyes drooped. It was getting harder and harder to stay awake.

Just before he dropped off completely, he heard Rey whisper, ‘don’t say anything if you want me to keep the Vornskr.’

He didn’t respond, then cracked an eye open to watch her tip toe out of the room.

**********

The nights were hard for Rey. She awoke disorientated and often already immersed inside one of Kylo’s nightmare scapes. Sometimes he was stuck in a never ending battle with Snoke, often he was a small boy alone and desperately sad curled up in a ball hiding in the shadows from the world, sometimes she saw a distorted vision of herself telling Kylo he was nothing, telling him it would be better if he had died in that prison cell.

She had learned to mediate in order to untangle herself from his unconscious mind and redeposit herself back within the real world. Waking Kylo on nights such as these proved difficult and often caused more harm than good, as Kylo couldn’t fully disconnect from the images and would look at Rey with suspicion, unable to believe she wasn’t another wicked illusion of his minds own making.

Rey had found the best course of action on nights such as these, was to sit by Kylo, and gently stroke his hair. It took some time, but the action usually helped to calm him.

One night a song came to her as she was performing this task and she started to sing it softly. The song seemed to make Kylo calm down quicker, and so became a part of the comfort routine. One day she asked Kylo if he knew the song as she wasn’t familiar with it previously. 

‘My mother used to sing it to me.’ He said and she suddenly had an image of Leia stroking Ben’s hair and singing the lullaby to him as he lay in bed waiting for sleep to claim him.

‘Why do you ask?’ Kylo had enquired.

‘No reason, it’s just a song I remember from the past.’ She said, hiding her face from him as she wiped at her tears.

During the day they talked, whenever Kylo was awake, but this brought its own challenges, sometimes she knew she was talking to Ben, but this would only make her sad as she cared for both men, but how could they exist within one body and be at peace with one another? It didn’t seem feasible, but the thought of losing either of them made her ache inside.

She fed him soup with a careful steady hand, trying not to focus too much on his mouth. Her mind often wandered back to the kiss she had giving him and the knowledge that he had kissed her back. Even though he had been near death, he had kissed her back.

She tried to block those thoughts from Kylo. He was still recovering and it wasn’t fair to expect anything of him until he was back to full health. Still sharing a bed with him each night and spending the majority of her days in his presence was disconcerting.

One night while they slept next to each other, it was Rey whose dreams were invaded with bad memories of her broken past. Something pulled her to the surface, and she awoke to Kylo leaning over her, stroking her hair and humming the same lullaby she used to coax him out of his bad dreams. 

'You've known all this time that I was singing to you?' She said. 

'Yes.' He said, still gently stroking her hair. 

'Why didn't you say anything?'

'I was afraid that if you knew that I knew, you would stop.' He said.

They looked at each other, and in that perfect moment between the two of them, Rey let the world and all of its complications melt away. She leaned towards him slightly. Surrendering to a degree, giving him an opening, if he wanted to take it, and she only had to wait a moment, before his lips were on hers. 

**********


	21. I feel it too....

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The longer they are alone, the closer Rey and Kylo become, but how long can they ignore the outside world in favour of one of their own making?

For Kylo, kissing Rey, was like being injected with a shot of adrenaline. He felt heat spreading throughout his body almost as if sunshine ran through his veins. Emotions came to the surface that had lay dormant for a very long time. The part of him that was still Ben pushed him forward, urged him on, but Kylo was afraid. Afraid what that would mean for him.

Her lips were soft yet demanding, she swiftly took the lead, guiding his lips with her own and deepening the connection between them. She reached out with her tongue, he felt her need to taste him, it made his head spin and he was quickly lost in the sensations he felt within himself and her own sensations which surrounded him like the heavy air on a humid day.

Rey reached up and grasped at his hair pulling him closer to her.

He hissed in pain as she arched him towards her.

Rey quickly pulled away, ‘I’m sorry! I’m sorry! Are you okay?’ She asked looking worried.

’Yes, I’m okay.’ He said lying down on his back once more. Frustrated and angry with himself for ruining the moment and being unable to take Rey in his arms even though he yearned to do so.

Rey leaned over him and put a hand over his bandaged wound.

‘Thank you for singing to me.’ She said gently looking down into his eyes.

‘I wasn’t sure it would work, but I’m glad it helped.’ 

‘I know Leia used to sing it to you.’ Rey said moving her hand up to stroke his hair gently. ‘I had a vision, well actually I think you gave me a vision.’ 

Kylo swallowed tightly, the contact between them was comforting but also arrousing. ‘I remember.’ 

Rey sensed his apprehension to discuss his past and didn’t want to lose the connection they had cultivated, so she changed the subject.

’That was worth the wait by the way.’ She said with a smile touching her lip.

’what?’ He looked confused. 

‘That kiss. It was worth the wait.’ 

She was rewarded with a brief smile. 

She cocked her head at him,

’Ben or Kylo? I’m not sure. I can usually tell but the lines seem somewhat blurred right now.’ 

‘That would be an accurate assessment.’ He said rubbing his forehead. His thoughts swirled almost painfully. 

‘I don’t mind. It’s easier when I can tell, but I understand now that you are one and the same. To love one of you is to love you both.’ She said casually and then realised what she had just admitted to. Her eyes widened and she looked down at him. 

‘I...What I mean to say is...’ she tried to cover her slip then let her shoulders sag in eventual defeat, ‘there probably isn’t any point in trying to hide it, is there? You can feel my emotions as naturally as drawing in a breath, so yes I love you, I do and it’s wonderful and confusing and it’s pulling me apart.’ She said with tears in her eyes. 

'It has been a very long time since someone told me that.' He said sadly. He reached up with his hand and brushed a tear from her face,

’I’m sorry. I'm not sorry that you love me but I know how that feels, to be pulled apart on the inside. I don’t want that for you.’ 

Rey caught his hand before he could pull away, she held it to her cheek with her own,

‘Then leave the first order. Be with me. Please.’

He sighed, ‘And what? Join the resistance? I won’t be their puppet. I won’t help them push an archaic agenda that should have died out years ago.’

‘Don’t you care about me at all?’ She demanded.

He looked at her for a moment, then seemed to reach the same conclusion as she had, that their feelings were cracked open to one another now, so there was little point in attempting to conceal the truth.

‘More than anything.’ He replied and she closed her eyes. He reached out with his mind. _Relieved_. She was relieved, that he cared for her. He studied her face, though he already knew every inch of it as well as his own.

‘Leave the resistance for me.’ He said urgently.

Rey was silent.

‘See? Things are just not that simple, Rey. You don’t wish to give up your position anymore than I wish to give up mine.’ He rubbed her cheek with the hand she held captive and she leaned into his touch.

‘Why does it have to be so difficult for us to be together?’ She said, finally letting go of his hand.

‘We made choices, we made commitments. People are relying on us. You can’t abandon the resistance anymore than I can abandon the first order. We have reached an impass now but it doesn’t matter how we feel about each other, because this isn’t just about us. It’s so much bigger.’

‘But I love you, doesn’t that mean anything? How can that not mean we are meant to be together?’ Rey said, her words barely a whisper.

He struggled to say the words, though he wanted to. It has been so long since he had used the term. It seemed foreign on his tongue, but Rey had opened herself up to him and she deserved the same from him.

‘I love you too, but sometimes that isn’t enough.’

He felt Rey’s heart beat faster. She leapt forward and pressed her lips to his. He relaxed into the kiss, it came more naturally now. A fluid, natural motion. As easy as loving her.

‘I don’t believe that.’ She said pulling away and putting her forehead against his.

‘No, you don’t want to believe that, but you know as well as I do that it’s true.’

Rey sat back and he felt the loss of her touch instantly.

He put out his arm and Rey lay down, allowing him to pull her protectively into his side. He kissed her forehead briefly.

‘If this is what you believe, what happens when you are well enough to leave here?’ Rey asked.

‘We have four choices, you come to me and join the first order. Unlikely. I come to you, and join the resistance. Improbable. We leave all of this behind and we flee for a new life, or we both go our separate ways and try to avoid meeting each other in battle. All these choices will leave both of us or at least one of us wanting.’

‘There has to be another way...’

‘There isn’t.’

Rey gripped his chin and turned his face towards her, ‘Always so stubborn, always so sure you are right. Were you right when you swore you would destroy me? Were you right when you said I was nothing?’

‘No.’ He admitted.

‘So you have to concede that you do make mistakes, and perhaps there is another way?’

‘We won’t surrender.’

‘I have not asked that of you.’

They looked at each other. Both refusing to back down. Both wanting something from the other and both feeling the harsh sting of unfulfilled desires.

He looked at her face, mere inches from his own. He looked at her eyes, then at her full lips, then he looked at her chest as it rose and fell.

He didn’t know what would become of them, but then he rarely knew what his future would bring. He acted on rash instinct. He decided to rely on those instincts for guidance now.

‘I want you.’ He said.

‘What?’ She replied with surprise.

‘I want you. Before all of this ends. Before I leave, before we part. Before the resistance and the first order claim us once more. I want to have you. I want to have you completely, intimately, with no barriers. Will you give that to me? Would you give yourself to me?’

Rey’s mouth opened and her brow furrowed, ‘I don’t know.’

‘Yes you do.’ He said his eyes unwavering from hers, ‘You do know. I feel it. I feel your desire as strongly as I feel my own. Say it. Give me what I want.’

‘I do not like your tone it is cocky and self assured, do not assume you know everything about my simply because you can read my thoughts.’ She said sharply.

He stared at her. Confident she just needed to assert her right to free will though it meant very little. He knew she was as drawn to him as he was to her.

She sighed, ‘You already know that my answer is yes. I cannot hide that from you. I will give myself to you, if it is what you want, but _only_ when you are fully healed.’ She said, feeling more in control now that she had at least imposed one condition on the arrangement.

‘Maybe that will be enough.’ He said closing his eyes, ‘maybe if we are together even just once, it will satisfy the desperate need we both feel and give us the peace we seek.’

They lay silently together, neither one of them believing his words.

**********


	22. Time heals all wounds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo grows impatient with his recovery and Rey makes progress with her animal training.

‘I want to start training.’

‘You’re not ready.’ Rey replied not looking up from her work. She sat on the floor of the bedroom with her legs crossed sewing straps together to construct new collars for the beasts she refused to stop training despite Kylo’s repeated warnings that no good could come of it.

Kylo had to admit that Rey displayed a level of resourcefulness he could only hope to achieve. Who else would have been able to conceive that an old first order uniform and some belt buckles could be utilised to make animal collars? 

Even so, Kylo wasn’t used to being ordered around and even though Rey’s words were always well received by him now, he still felt a flare of anger at her curt tone.  

‘I think I know what I can handle.’ He replied haughtily.

Rey snorted, ‘You have no idea what you can handle.’

‘I’m healing more rapidly now that I have.... a goal to focus on.’ He looked at her pointedly and she blushed.

‘You are no where near ready to spar Kylo.’ Rey responded stabbing her thumb with the needle and putting it to her mouth to suck on the throbbing wound. 

‘Are you a doctor?’ Kylo enquired watching her mouth wrap around the tip of her thumb with more than a degree of interest. 

‘No.’ She mumbled against her thumb. 

‘Then I would ask what your qualifications are to make this diagnosis?’ He said with a lift of his eyebrow. 

‘I’m an expert in my field.’

‘And that is?’

‘You.’ She said taking her thumb away from her mouth and meeting his eyes at-last, ‘I feel your pain Kylo, it flows through me as it flows through you and I say you are not ready.’

Kylo sat back in his chair, drumming his fingers on the arm rests. ‘I cannot just continue to sit here.’ He said with frustration. 

‘You are not ‘just’ sitting there, you are healing.’

‘It is infuriating.’

‘ _You_ are infuriating.’ She replied, but he caught the humorous lilt to her voice. She stood up and come towards him.

‘You cannot rush this Kylo. You must learn to be patient.’ She said  encouragingly. 

‘Patience.’ Kylo spat out the word in disgust. ‘Patience is for the weak. It is the delusion of control over an uncontrollable situation.’

‘Some say it is a virtue…..’

'Some say a lot of useless words.' Kylo huffed, forcing out a breath. Rey crouched down and placed her hands on top of his, momentarily stilling his drumming digits. He looked down at her.

‘Kylo, I promise as soon as you are ready to train, I will gladly be your partner, but I do not want to put you at risk of further injury and possibly further delay your recovery, so for now, I’m asking you to let it go.’

She licked her lips, ‘Do not forget that I am also eager to reach the day that you are fully able again.’ She said with a blush.

Kylo's anger subsided and he swallowed thickly and nodded. Rey smiled with relief and rose up, she moved to turn away but at the last moment she turned back towards him, leaned forward and pressed a pressured kiss to his forehead. Such a simple gesture but also a very telling one. The longer they spent together on the ship, the more comfortable they were becoming with each other and the easier it was becoming to show affection to one another. Kylo watched as she returned to her work. His heart squeezed in his chest as it often did when he looked at Rey. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes willing the force to aid him once more with his healing. The process required a lot of concentration but his progress was well evidenced every time Rey changed his bandages. 

He found that he enjoyed the praise she lavished on him each time she saw the improvements his efforts were making to his condition. It made him want to work harder, mainly just to please her. 

He felt Rey encouraging him through the bond. She was a constant presence in his thoughts now. It was too difficult to keep the bond closed when Kylo needed to focus on healing and Rey’s character was not a natural deceiver so more and more of her thoughts seeped into his each day. 

‘I think this is all just a smoke screen.’ He teased. ‘You just don’t want to face me again because you know I’ll beat you this time.’ 

Rey let out a short sharp laugh, ‘Whatever helps you sleep at night big guy.’ She quipped.

Kylo smiled. _Big Guy._ He thought to himself. Not sure why the term pleased him so much. 

**********

Later while Kylo was resting, Rey slipped away to visit her furry charges.

‘Hey boys.’ Rey greeted the creatures warmly as she entered the room with their food.

She put down the bowls gently and the beasts looked to her for approval. She clicked her fingers and they started to eat. Rey smiled. It had taken the best part of a week to train them to respond in that way but it would all be worth it when she could show Kylo how much progress they had made. Rey slowly lowered herself to the ground, inching closer to the animals as they cleaned their bowls. One of them growled a warned at her and she put her hands up in mock surrender.

‘Easy.’ She soothed and the creature went back to licking the bowl. When they had finished Rey clicked her fingers again and they sat obediently while she collected their empty containers. 

‘I have a present for you both.’ She said unhooking the collars from her belt and holding them out towards the animals. They sniffed at the offerings and upon concluding that they were not edible looked away with disinterest.

Rey sighed, ‘This is a big moment guys, if you wear these I can maybe take you around the ship and let you get some exercise. It can’t be good for you being cooped up in here all the time.’

She moved slightly closer putting her hands out with her palm facing upwards. The animals sniffed at her cautiously but didn’t move away. Rey carefully loosened one of the collars and placed it around Meru’s neck. She stilled. The animal blinked at her and cocked its head. Rey held her breath as she fastened the collar in place.

‘There.’ She said softly, pleased with her progress. She repeated the action with Orkoon. The creatures accepted the new editions to their wardrobe without objection. Rey treated them both to some meat she had liberated from Hux’s pantry. The creatures wolfed down the food then padded at the floor, turning in little circles and yawning.

‘Bed time?’ Rey asked, ‘Dangerous animals indeed, we’ll show him, won’t we?’ The animals merely yawned in response. 

‘Night, night boys. Sweet dreams.’ She called as she left the room. Her stomach growled and she realised in all the excitement she had forgotten to eat.

‘Food then bed.’ She said to herself patting her stomach, She made her way to the kitchenette humming the lullaby she knew so well now and was surprised to come face to face with Kylo. He was wearing pants but no upper body coverings, and as usual her mouth went dry as she focused on his well toned muscles. Then her eyes lingered on his bandages and she forced her mind to think of other things. 

‘What are you doing out of bed?’ She said putting her hands on her hips.

Kylo looked unimpressed by her little display, 'Rey, its good for me to stretch my legs from time to time. How are your charity cases?’

Rey glared at him, 'They’re fine. The new collars look really good on them by the way.’

Kylo raised his eyebrows at her.

‘And you said they would bite me.’ She retorted.

Kylo poured himself a glass of water.

‘I still don’t like you spending so much time alone with them.’

‘They are really starting to trust me now.’ Rey said hopping up on the table next to Kylo and letting her legs dangle over the side.

‘Maybe I have a knack for taming wild beasts.’ She said with a smirk.

Kylo rolled his eyes as he opened the pantry door,

‘You’re hungry. You need to eat.’

‘I’ll get it.’

‘Rey, I have two fully functional arms, I’m perfectly able to prepare food for you.’

Rey could sense he was in a prickly mood so she stopped protesting and let him serve her.

‘There’s some pears over there.’ She said pointing to the porcelain bowl containing the fruit.

‘That’s all?’ Kylo said with a lift of his eyebrow.

Rey shrugged, ‘Fruit is a rare delicacy where I come from. I’d never tried pears before we came here, and I’m afraid I’ve become slightly addicted to them.’

Kylo turned to the bowl and picked up a pear, then he paused for a moment before picking up two more. He placed them on a plate and cut them into thin slices, before placing the plate next to Rey.

‘Thank You.’ She said with a smile. She bit into one of the slices and closed her eyes as she savoured the sweetness on her tongue, swinging her legs happily.

Kylo sat down near her and observed her, he put his elbow on the table and propped his head up on his fingers.

‘You’re thinking about the fact that no-one has ever served you food before.’ 

He said, seeing the thoughts form clearly in her mind.

Rey blushed and shrugged, 'People on Jakku kept to themselves and the resistance isn’t really opulent enough to afford serving staff.’

Kylo looked at her pensively for a heartbeat then leaned forward and took a small piece of pear from her plate. He held it out towards her. Rey let out a shaky breath then smiled at him. She extracted the fruit from his fingers, gently grazing his skin with her teeth, then flipped in into her mouth. It was difficult to ignore the physical reaction she had to the brief contact. A warm feeling pooled between her legs. She squeezed her thighs together, hoping to conceal her arousal from Kylo. 

‘What would Snoke say if he could see you now? Offering food to scavenger scum?’ She said with mock scolding.

‘You’re not a scavenger anymore Rey, and you were never scum.’ Kylo said with an intense look.

They sat in comfortable silence as Rey finished her food, then she stretched her arms over her head and yawned.

’Time for bed.’ She announced and then blushed as she realised the connotations of her words. 

Kylo merely smiled, lifted himself from his chair and encircled her waist with his two large hands. Her own small hands instinctively reached out for his broad bare shoulders as he lifted her down and let her slide down the length of his body before positioning her on the floor in front of him. Rey blinked up at him. Even though he has removed his hands from her sides, she could still feel their welcome heat tingle on her skin. 

‘To bed.’ Kylo said extended his hand towards hers. She took it and they walked silently to the bedroom together with her hand completely engulfed within his own. 

**********


	23. Under the cover of darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Kylo grow closer everyday and their minds are slowly becoming attuned to one another. The wait to be physical with each other is difficult for both parties, but perhaps relief can be found in other ways?

They had slept next to each other every night since they arrived on Hux’s ship so why did this time feel different? Why did her heart try to leap out of her chest as she helped Kylo undress and climb into bed. Why did she decide not to retreat to the privacy of the fresher that night to change into her night attire and instead chose to remove her clothes at her side of the bed, slipping the soft white tunic over her head with her back to Kylo, feeling his eyes searing a hole into her back as she did so.

As she extinguished the light and climbed in next to him, Kylo placed a heavy arm on her side and squeezed lightly before curving itacross her stomach and pulling her close to his chest. She tried to removed his heavy limb,

‘Kylo! Your wound!’ She protested wiggling to get free.

Kylo sighed, ‘it’s fine Rey. If I feel any discomfort I will move, Okay? Now would you just calm down and let me hold you?’

It was just an embrace. Just an arm around her holding her tight, so why did it feel so intimate? Why did it make her feel so unsure? Kylo pressed his face to the nape of her neck.

‘There is something about your scent that soothes me.’ He mumbled against her skin.

‘There is something about your scent that inflames me.’ She confessed.

Kylo forced out a warm breath that tickled the back of her neck and Rey inhaled sharply as her spine tingled.

‘I don’t know if that is a compliment or a insult.’ He said with amusement.

‘I think it is both.’ Rey replied softly, gently wrapping her arm over his where it hugged at her middle.

Rey felt like she wanted to cry, no one had ever held her like this. She felt safe and warm and.... she could have stayed like that forever, she could have stayed in his arms always. Why was this her fate? Why was the one person who made her feel as she had always wanted to feel also the one person she was sworn to hate? Tears formed on her cheeks. She wept softly at her confused contentment.

Kylo held her tighter.

‘Rey, please don’t cry.’ He said in a strained voice.

‘I cannot help it. This whole situation is so... complicated.’

‘It doesn’t have to be. Just let everything else go.’ He whispered bringing his mouth to her ear. ‘Let me in Rey. Stop keeping me at arms length.' 

‘I can’t. It’s too dangerous.’ She said.

Kylo pulled his arm free, hurt by her words. 

‘You know I would never use the situation to gain the upper hand...’

‘That’s not what I meant.’ She said turning to face him. ‘If I am with you, if I am to.... give myself to you....’

Kylo pulled in a sharp breath and his hand settled possessively on her thigh.

‘I don’t know if I could ever give you up.’

She barely finished her sentence before his lips were on hers. He pressed feverish kisses to her lips and she returned them, her mind retreating into a blissful haze of sensation. Blocking out the harsh truth of reality. His hand gripped at her thigh as she locked her hands around his face. Their tongues tangled together as their limbs reached for each other. Rey felt dizzy, her mind swam with images, some hers, some projections of Kylo's own desires. Heat pooled between her legs and an ache blossomed in the pit of her stomach causing her to tense her abdomen muscles. 

Kylo groaned as she moved closer to him, not entirely sure what she was searching for, but knowing that whatever they were doing was not enough to satisfy the ache...knowing that there was something else she needed that he could give her... she lowered her hand and gripped his side. 

'Ahhh!' They both called out simultaneously as the pain from Kylo's wound ripped through his body and ricochet through hers. They pulled apart from one another, panting heavily, eyes wide and dilated. 

'I told you, you weren't ready.' Rey said with a tinge of disappointment. 

Kylo rolled over onto his back with a growl of frustration. 

'I am not used to being..... disabled like this.' He said with embarrassment looking away from her. Though he had adverted his eyes from hers, his mind remained open and Rey tentatively skimmed the edge of his thoughts. A strong sense of humiliation floated through the bond. Though Rey had no experience with men in a sexual manner, one thing she did have a firm grasp on was compassion and empathy and she felt them both keenly for Kylo in that moment. 

'You are not disable.' She said gently. 'You are....temporarily injured.' 

'Same thing.' Kylo muttered and she felt a small smile spread across her lips. He was angry because he could not please her. There was something very endearing about the whole situation. 

'You're being ridiculous.' She said. His eyes flashed at her and she realised that had been a mistake. 

'Am I?' He snapped. 'Do you know how this feels? I have to be strong Rey. Always, and now? Now I feel impotent....do you know how much I need...' He trailed off with a throaty moan, and Rey realised that his discomfort might be about more than just hurt pride. Maybe he needed this, maybe it hurt not to be able to.... satisfy his urges. She bit her lip. She had promised to take care of him, maybe that promise included more than just tending to his wounds and aiding with his daily routine. Maybe there was something else she could do to provide him with relief.

'Kylo,' She started, slowly, 'Is there something... is there something you need from me?'

He looked at her with a frown which quickly unfolded when realisation set in and he understood what she was offering him. He opened his mouth to speak then though better of it choosing to swallow thickly instead. 

Rey kneeled and pressed her calf against his arm as she looked down at him. She cocked her head to the side and smiled carefully, placing a hand on his chest. 

'You can tell me. We are alone here. It's just you and me.' She said her words as soft as wisps of smoke. 

'Its just there is this ache...' He said putting a hand on his stomach just below her own, 'There is an emptiness that cannot be sated by food, and I think that I need...'

Rey nodded briefly. Acknowledging that she understood, without another word she removed the one piece of clothing Kylo wore, pulling the thin covering slowly down his legs, trailing her fingers over the tensed muscles that resided there as she did so, giving herself time to build her confidence for what she was about to do. 

When she crawled back to the top of the bed, Kylo was panting heavily. His eyes tracking her every movement.

Her eyes settled on his already erect manhood, flushed dark red, in stark contract with his pale skin. 

Tentatively she reached out and placed a hand on his lower stomach, he reached out and wrapped his fingers around her wrist. 

'You don't have to do this.' He said, 'I don't want to make you...'

Rey shook her hand free of his grip, 'You aren't making me do anything Kylo. Anything I give to you, I give to you freely.' 

His shoulders relaxed and he nodded, lowering himself back down onto the bed. 

 Rey let her hand travel lower, letting her fingers gently tangle in the hair around his base. 

Kylo hissed in a sharp breath at her touch and Rey felt a shiver of excitement flow through her. She let her fingers move slowly up his length and back down to the base again, repeated the action a few times, sneaking a glance at Kylo's face. His mouth was open and he looked at her with hooded eyes. 

'Is this okay?' She asked. 

'Yes.' He breathed. _Faster. Harder._ He pleaded through the bond. Rey complied, gripping him tighter and speeding up her movements. 

_That's it._

The words echoed in her head and she shivered again. She reached down again to join their lips once more and he buried one hand in her hair holding her in place. His lip quivered against hers as they kissed. The mighty Kylo Ren, the formidable Jedi killer lay beneath her trembling in her arms, completely at her mercy. The power she felt was intoxicating. Rey felt moisture form between her legs. Kylo growled. Did he know? Could he sense the effect he was having on her? She sat back up so she could wrap both hands around him. 

_I'm close. So close Rey._

Instinctively she concentrated her efforts on the tip, massaging the soft skin with her finger and thumb over and over. 

 _That's it. Good girl._  

She didn't feel like a good girl. She felt bad. She felt _very_ bad, and she found with surprise that she liked it. Rey had never had control. Her whole world had always been dictated by the actions of others. If this is what control felt like. She found that she enjoyed it. Her head swam with dark whispers. Hers or Kylo's? She wasn't sure. Feeling bold she shot him a predatory glance. His eyes widened. 

 _Come for me._ She ordered silently. 

His mouth widened and he jerked forward as he spilled out over her hand and onto his stomach. Rey kept her eyes on his as she brought her fingers to her lips and sucked on them gently one by one. She was shocked by her own behaviour. What was happening to her? Why did she feel different somehow?

Kylo watched her with awe. His chest rose and fell rapidly. 

 _Rey. My Rey._ His words slipped through her mind like kisses on her skin. 

She observed him with her head tilted to one side, a smile curving up one side of her lips. 

 _Oh no my darling, it is you who belongs to me now._ She purred back. 

_**********_


	24. A darkness falls.....

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben try to communicate how their feelings for each other have changed since the previous nights events and there is a dangerous happening involving the Vornskr. 
> 
> Warning: Okay all if you are still with me, I thank you. This is just to let you know this chapter is a little darker than what you might be used to from me, but it’s quite mild violence and some lust. I hope you will stay with me because this story is going to take an interesting turn!

The following morning, Rey found it hard to meet Ben’s eyes. For it was unmistakably Ben now who gazed up at her and tried to gently engage her in conversation with him as she whizzed around the room keeping herself busy.

Rey was still confused by her own behaviour, it wasn’t the act itself that she felt anxious about, it was the way she had reacted, she worried if they were to delve further into their desires, she wouldn’t be able to control how volatile she may become. She had wanted to own him, possess him completely, she saw herself straddling his hips and placing her lean fingers upon his throat, squeezing tightly as she lowered herself down onto him. She blushed at the thought, then blushed some more, as she caught Ben watching her intently as she scurried around the room thinking up any excuse to avoid his eyes.

‘Rey, come here.’ He called out to her from his upright position within the bed, reaching a arm out towards her.  
  
‘I will, I just have to...’  
  
‘Whatever it is you ‘just’ have to do can wait... come here. Please.’  
  
Rey swallowed hard, and walked towards the bed. Ben grasped her hand gently and tugged her closer until she was sitting on the edge of the bed. She faced away from him as looking into his eyes just reminded her of her words the night before.

_It is you who belongs to me now…._

She looked down at his hand and hers joined in her lap.  
  
‘Rey look at me.’ He ordered.  
  
Rey keep her eyes where they were.  
  
She heard him sigh, ‘You did nothing wrong.’ He said, ‘Everything you did...Rey...I’m in awe of you.’  
  
Her eyes snapped to his then.  
  
‘Don’t you understand how amazing you are? No one has ever made me feel the way you made me feel last night.’  
  
‘I just....Ive never.....I feel so unsettled today.’ She confessed.

'That’s okay, things between us have changed and this is all new to you, It’s understandable that you would feel different. I feel different too.’  
  
‘You do?’ His words calmed her. Maybe this was all normal. Maybe she was worried about nothing.  
  
‘Of course I do. At least, I’m starting too. I think you tapped into my better half.’ He said sheepishly.  
  
Rey bit her lip. She was glad that Ben felt good, but she didn’t. She felt bad. Very bad. And every time she locked eyes with Ben, she felt like she wanted to be bad again.  
  
Ben took her hand.  
  
‘We don’t have to do anything you don’t want us to, remember?’  
  
She nodded and this time as their fingers touched, she felt his exhaustion flow into her.  
  
‘Ben you need to sleep!’ She said, suddenly studying his face and seeing the shadows under his eyes.  
  
‘I’m fine.’ He insisted.  
  
‘You’re not. You need to rest.’ Rey frowned. They had both lost sleep last night so why didn’t she feel tired? She felt alive with nervous energy.  
  
She looked at Ben’s pale face.  
  
_Weak._  
  
Her eyes travelled down to his throat, she thought about how easy it would be to snap his neck.  
  
She shook the thoughts away. Pushing them down, hoping Ben hadn’t seen anything.  
  
‘You get some sleep,’ she said jumping up quickly. ‘I’ll go and feed my animals.’  
  
‘Okay.’ He said. Still gazing at her.  
  
She moved to leave.  
  
‘Wait!’ He called out.  
  
She turned around and he took we hand pulling her down to his height so he could press his lips against hers.  
  
‘I’ll dream about you.’ He said softly.  
  
_Weak._ She thought.  
  
**********  
Rey prepared some meat for the animals and took it down to the storage room the animals were kept in. Before she even opened the door, the Vornskr seemed unsettled. Low growls and scratching noises met her ears.  
  
When she entered the room both animals pulled back as if preparing to bounce.  
  
‘What is it?’ She asked, slowly lowering the two bowls to the floor then returning to an upright position with her hands out in front of her.  
  
‘It’s me. You know me. It’s Rey.’ She said gently.  
  
The animals scratched at the floor and bared their teeth at her.  
  
Could they sense something different? What was happening to her? Her heart beat faster, she felt suddenly nauseous as her stomach flipped nervously.  
  
‘Okay I’m going to leave now.’ She said stepping backwards and placing her hand on the door handle.  
  
The animals sprang forward, she screamed and put up her hands to defend her face, as she did so, she managed to force push the beasts across the room slamming them down against the hard floor. They get up, shook their heads and ran at her again. Rey moved out of their way but one dog blocked her path and the other knocked her off balance, sending her flying down to the ground. The beasts stared down at her, she closed her eyes. She felt their hot breath on her face, felt a drip of saliva land on her cheek as she turned her head towards the floor. Suddenly frozen, she waiting to feel their sharp jaws pierce her delicate flesh.

Suddenly she heard the animals yelp, then the room was quiet.  
  
Rey opened her eyes and sat up, the Vornskr lay across the room unconscious but breathing steadily. Her shoulders sagged with relief. They were alive, and so was she.

‘I told you those beasts were dangerous.’ Ben boomed.  
  
She looked to the doorway where he stood, shirtless with his hand still outstretched in the direction of the sleeping animals.  
  
Rey dipped her head.  
  
_Not so weak afterall._ She thought licking her lips.  
  
**********  
  
Ben’s heart tried to beat a hole through his chest. If he had been a moment later.....no.... he couldn’t even imagine what could have happened it was too painful.  
  
He looked at Rey, scanned her for injuries. She looked fine. He let go of the breath he had been holding in and lowered his hand, he took a step towards her then halted when he noticed the way she was looking at him.  
  
_Hungry._ That look was hungry....almost predatory. Arousal threatened to consume him. He swallowed and tried to focus.  
  
‘Rey?’ He asked gently.  
  
‘Yes?’ She said blinking and smiling up at him. A picture of purity and innocence. Ah, there was his girl.  
  
‘Are you alright?’  
  
‘Yes I’m fine.’ She said getting up and dusting herself off, ‘I don’t know what happened, it was like they didn’t even recognise me.’ She looked hurt.  
  
‘I told you Rey, these are wild animals. You’re their prey. Anything could have set them off. I think maybe I should dispose of them now.’ He said lifting his arm once more.  
  
‘No!’ She called out, running towards him and grabbing at his arm trying to force it back down to his side, ‘Please Ben, No! It wasn’t their fault. It must have been something I did....please don’t kill them!’  
  
Ben stilled. Her eyes were filled with threatened tears. He relented, not wanting to be the reason for those tears to fall,  
  
‘Okay, but from now on, I want to be here whenever you visit them. Agreed?’  
  
‘Agreed.’ Rey said nodding.  
  
‘Now come with me. These two will undoubtedly wake up with a couple of very nasty headaches and I don’t want you anywhere near them when that happens.’  
  
Rey nodded again and took his hand allowing him to lead her from the room.  
  
Once they were outside Ben pulled her into a tight embrace, wrapping his arms tightly across her back and kissing her forehead.  
  
‘If I hadn’t get here in time Rey, if something had happened to you...’  
  
‘Shhhhh...’ She soothed. ‘I’m fine. See? The only thing hurt is my pride. Nothing else.’  
  
He rubbed his hands up and down her back. It was soothing, and also arousing. Rey felt a stinging sensation at her wrist. She looked down and saw welts forming on her skin, they were bleeding slightly. One of the Vornskr must have caught her with their claws.

‘Rey you’re hurt!’ Ben exclaimed moving to grab her arm.  
  
Rey put up a hand to stop him, as she examined the wound. She cocked her head to the side and squeezed her arm making more blood ooze forth from the injury. The dark whispers were louder now.  
  
‘Rey stop!’ Ben said.  
  
Rey brought the cut to her mouth and lapped at the blood, keeping her eyes on Ben’s.  
  
His mouth fell open and his breathing grew stunted.  
  
‘Rey?’ He asked cautiously.  
  
Rey let her arm drop to her side,

‘What would you have done, if you had had to kill them?’ She said tilting her head towards the door of the storage room.  
  
‘What? Rey are you okay?’ Ben asked dipping his head.  
  
‘What would you have done? If you had to kill then in order to save me?’  
  
‘I would have snapped both their necks.’ He said firmly.  
  
Rey inhaled sharply putting her hands on his chest. Raking her nails against the bandages, not enough to hurt just enough to cause him some discomfort.  
  
‘Rey? What’s going on?’ Ben asked. His eyes wide and anxious.  
  
Rey looked up at him, looked into his eyes, then focused on his soft pouty lips.  
  
‘Nothing I’m fine.’ She replied.  
  
‘I think....’  
  
‘You think too much....’ she cut him off clasping her hand on the back of his neck and pulling him down so their lips could meet. He only resisted for a moment. She smiled against his lips. Then opened her mouth, he followed suit, she let her tongue edge out to meet his. He groaned and wrapped his arms around her back tighter. Rey opened her eyes and watched him as he fell further under her spell. She stepped away and held out her hand.  
  
‘Come on, back to bed with you.’ She said with a meaningful glance.  
  
She watched his adam’s apple bob violently,  
  
‘Rey are you sure about this, I mean...we agreed to wait….’

Rey rolled her eyes, ‘Either you want me or you don’t, Solo. It’s really that simple.’  
  
‘You know I want you, but you don’t seem to be yourself.....’  
  
She came towards him again, put a hand on his chest and let it snake down to his groin. She rubbed his cock. He was already semi hard.  
  
‘Or maybe I’m more myself than I’ve even been.’ She murmured pressing a hard kiss to his lip.  
  
‘Come on Solo.’ She taunted. ‘Time to show me what you’re really made of.’  
  
**********  
Something in Ben’s brain kept telling him that this was wrong, that something didn’t feel right but when they reached the bedroom and Rey stripped off all her clothing keeping her eyes on his and beaconing him with one finger to join her in bed, he didn’t know how to resist her.  
  
She roughly unclothed him and straddled him with a smirk on her lips. He looked up at her in astonishment.  
  
She leaned down, pushing her weight deliberately to his chest. He grunted as she pressed a kiss to his lips.  
  
‘Do you want this?’ She asked him. ‘Do you want me?’  
  
‘Yes.’ He managed to hiss.  
  
She rubbed her wetness against his lower stomach and he groaned.  
  
‘Beg. Tell me how much you want me.’ She said her eyes glowing.  
  
‘Please.’ He said, the words barely a whimper on his lips.  
  
‘You can do better than that Solo.’ She said, lifting her hands to her breasts and cupping them gently, pinching at her nipples. Somewhere inside her head, she watched her own actions with amazement, what was she doing? And why did it feel so _good_? She let herself drift into a lust filled haze. Letting her head fall back, she closed her eyes as she continued to touch herself, running her hands down over her stomach to where her body met his.  
  
His sharp inhale drew her from her trance. She fixed her eyes back on his.  
  
‘Come on Solo, beg.’ She ordered.  
  
‘Please Rey. Please. I need to feel you. I need to feel you so badly.’  
  
‘Much better.’ She said, she raised herself up on her knees, moved back so she was positioned over him, she held him in her hand, slowly lowered herself down so that just the tip of him pushed at her entrance. The dark whispers formed into voices. They urged her on.  
  
Ben watched her, his chest rose and fell steadily but she could sense his emotions. He was coiled tight. Waiting. He was waiting for her. He thought of her as his salvation. She almost laughed out loud. What was he to her then? Her damnation?  
  
She pushed down on him, melding their bodies together. She stilled for a moment, letting her body adjust to his size, then she started to move slowly, up and down his length. Heat spread throughout her body, she felt strong now. No one would leave this Rey behind. She wasn’t weak now. She would be the one to leave others behind.  
  
She looked at Ben, he was falling apart. His head was arched back, his fingers digging into her thighs, she felt a wave of affection flow from him. He was changing, but in such a different way to her. Her light, the part of Rey that made her what she was seeped into him with every touch, every caress and the darkness within him was creeping into the empty spaces left behind.  
  
Rey knew she should care, that she should stop, but she didn’t want to. It felt good. She felt powerful, she felt unstoppable, she felt like she could rule the world.  
  
She sped up, and Ben groaned. She heard him mumble something but she couldn’t make out the words. She was moving towards her own climax, not thinking about him anymore. When she came she called out a battle cry, moments later she felt his seed entering her body. She hoped that wouldn’t be a mistake. She didn’t want a weak bloodline using her body for its own selfish needs.  
  
She heard a laugh echo in her head, the unmistakable voice of Snoke. Was he the one who had been whispering to her? How?   
  
_You're dancing with the devil now my girl,’_ He taunted. _Look at your hands and see how they burn._

Rey looked down. Her hands looked the same.

She finally focused once more on Ben. He was calling out her name.  
  
‘Rey? Rey darling? Are you okay?’  
  
‘Yes.’ She said with a smile. I’m fine.’  She retreated to the fresher to clean up. Looked at her reflection in the mirror, not sure she recognised herself anymore. She splashed water on her face and shook her head.  
  
‘Snap out of it.’ She ordered herself.  
  
Coming back into the bedroom Ben pulled back the covers for her and she climbed in next to him. He pulled her back flush to his chest, placing a heavy arm around her waist.  
  
‘You are amazing Rey.’ He said kissing her hair.

Rey felt a tear make its way down her cheek.  
  
She felt lost and alone and there was no one who could help her. Ben wouldn't understand what was happening. He was finding himself just as she was slipping away.   
  
‘Don’t cry.’ Snoke’s voice said gently in her head now. ‘Don’t cry little one. I will help you, I will help you find your place in this new world. I will tell you what you must do.’

And because she felt she had no other choices open to her, because the darkness was swimming in her veins pushing her forward, driving her onwards towards what she both greatly feared and also greatly desired, she nodded as she drifted off to sleep.  
  
**********


	25. The flames of fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey is changing, and Leia makes a life changing decision. 
> 
> Guys this is a short cliffhanger! I hope you enjoy it! :-)

Rey’s dreams were cursed that night. She dreamt of a large grand room with gildings of red and gold. Men and women danced around the room in extravagant outfits. When she looked down at herself, she wore a flamboyant red dress which accented her bosom, and had a full round skirt. She stood at the top of a elegant staircase. Suddenly the room stood still and all eyes focused on her. Someone took her hand, Snoke. Wearing his golden robes and a sinister smile.

‘Come my dear.’ He purred. ‘They are waiting for us.’

They descended the staircase hand in hand. Once they reached the bottom, Snoke placed one hand out in front of him and one higher into the air, Rey instinctively stepped forward, one of his hands went to her waist, and the other clasped hers in his. They began twirl together and the room once again filled with the sound of chattering and dancing around them.

‘What’s happening to me?’ Rey asked.

‘My dear, you are transforming! You are becoming a butterfly. Do not fear this.’

‘I feel as though I am losing myself.’

‘No! You are finding yourself! You’re true self!’ Snoke exclaimed as they continued to spin. Rey started to feel dizzy, and the room around her turned into a blur.  
  
‘Can we stop? I’m going to be sick!’

‘No stopping now my dear, events are already in motion. You will become what you were always meant to be soon.’ Snoke sneered.

The room continue to spin until Rey became light headed. She struggled out of Snoke’s grasp and fell to the floor.

She looked up to see Snoke looking down at her.

‘You’re dead.’ She spat up at him. ‘You can’t hurt me now.’

Snoke laughed, and Rey frowned as his laugh started to change into a feminine voice. One she knew all too well. She looked away, afraid of what she was going to see. When next she tore her gaze back to his, she saw herself where Snoke had stood.

The other Rey had black material clad tightly to her legs, a cape similar to Kylo’s hung around her waist and draped the floor behind her. She wore tight black material across her chest, tied at one shoulder, and long black gloves from her elbows to the tips of her fingers. Her hair was pulled into a tight bun on top of her head, her lips were blood red and there was some sort of black substance around her eyes that made her look fierce.

‘You really think it was Snoke who was doing this? You just lied to yourself my dear. You refused to believe the truth!’ The other Rey shouted. 

‘You are not me!’ Rey shouted back. 

The other Rey came towards her, and crouched down before her.

‘Oh, but I am you, Rey. I am the darkness you try to deny. I am the darkness you yourself ignited when you chose to whore yourself out to Kylo Ren. I told you girlie, if you dance with the devil, you will get burned.’

‘I don’t want this. I don’t want to become you!’ Rey said.

The other Rey pouted and put a hand over her chest, ‘Don’t say that my love. You’ll break my heart. You’re going to like me. I promise. I’ll make us strong. We will never scrounge or scavenge again! Everyone will bow down to us!’

‘I don’t want that.’

‘Oh but you do darling or at least, part of you does.’

‘Is there no way to stop this?’ Rey asked.

The other Rey put a finger under Rey’s chin tilting her head up. She looked deep into her eyes,

‘Shhhhh…..I’m goina make it all better. You’ll see.’

The other Rey pressed her lips up against Rey’s and then she was gone. Rey looked down at herself and found with shock that she was now the one wearing the black garb. A full length mirror appeared before her, she walked up to it and looked at herself. Her reflected smirked,

‘We’re goina have fun together. You’ll see.’ Her reflection said and Rey found her own mouth quirking up into the same smirk.

Suddenly, Rey’s eyes shot open. She looked over at Ben who was still sleeping soundly next to her. Rey crept out of the bed and down to the cockpit. She switched on the ships communication system.

‘This is Rey of the resistance. I am sending this message out to the first order. Lock onto my location and come get me. I wish to defect.’

After a pause, she finished with,

‘By the time you reach me, the Supreme Leader will be dead.’

**********

Across the galaxy, Leia sat upright in bed and grabbed her communicator.

‘Poe! Get up! We have to go now!’ She got out of bed and dressed quickly, managing to finish just in time before a half asleep Poe fell through the door of her quarters.

‘Poe ready your ship. We need to go now. Time is of the essence.’

‘Is it Rey? is she in trouble?’ Poe asked with concern in his eyes.

‘No. It’s my son. We have to save my son.’ 

**********


	26. Shifting Hearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It seems as if Rey is lost to the dark, and Ben can’t believe who comes to his aid in his hour of need.

Hi All! This is a link to a dark Rey pic created by @lizea77 for this fic: <https://twitter.com/hellyjellybean/status/1027956578341871616>

**********

Ben awoke and noticed immediately that Rey was missing. He sat upright in bed.

'Rey?’ He called out, though he didn’t sense her presence in the room.

Something was wrong. He got out of bed and dressed as best he could. He left the room and tried to sense Rey’s location. She had to be on the ship, he reached out for her, but her signature was faint, or perhaps it had changed somewhat? Curious… Suddenly Rey appeared out of what Kylo assumed was a store room.

‘Ben, what are you doing up?’’ She asked.

‘I could ask you the same thing.’ He said. ‘What’s going on?’

‘Nothing! Absolutely nothing!’ She said with a smile.

‘Rey, something is wrong. I sense it.’

Rey came towards him and kissed him, ‘I’m fine. Stop worrying.’

Ben looked at the door to the room she had came out of, but Rey put a hand on his cheek and directed his gaze back to hers.

‘Come on, let’s go back to the room.’ She said, reaching out her hand towards him. He took it.  

The minute their hands touched, Ben saw an image of a first order star cruiser honing in on their position. He pulled his hand away,

‘Rey what’s going on?’ He demanded. 

Rey rolled her eyes, ‘Nothing. You’re paranoid.’

‘Rey, I know you contacted the first order.’

‘I did no such thing!’

‘Don’t lie to me, I saw it in your mind.’

Rey huffed out a breath, ‘This ‘bond’ is going to be a nuisance isn’t it?’

‘So you did contact them?’

'I did.’ 

‘Why?’ Ben didn't understand. 

‘I have my reasons.’ She said folding her arms.

‘What has happened to you?’

‘I’ve changed.’

‘Rey, let’s leave now. Let’s get away from here.’

‘I don’t want to.’

‘What are you doing! This isn’t you!’ He paused, ‘They’re coming. We haven’t much time.’

‘You need to stay.’ She said sharply.

‘What?’

‘You’re staying here.’ Rey reached out her hand and Ben froze, fear flashed in his eyes.

‘Rey, please. Let me help you.’ He managed to say although his voice was strained.

‘You’ve already helped me. You made me see that everyone is holding me back. What it is you said? Let the past die?’ She came towards him and kissed him as he stood unable to move. ‘I’m just following your advice. Goodbye Ben.’ Rey stepped back and blew him a kiss and he crumbled into an unconscious heap on the floor. 

 ‘Poor boy.’ Rey said looking down at him.

 She went to the storage room where the Vornskr were.

 ‘Hello my beauties.’ She said with a smirk.

 They began to growl but she silenced them with a mere wave of her hand.

 ‘Now, now, we’ll have no more of that. I’m the alpha, remember?’ Rey said. She placed leads on the animals and led them from the room.

 ‘Come on, my dears, We're moving up in the world.' 

 They fell into line as her influence through the force took control of their minds. Rey headed to the docking bay. A shuttle from the first order cruiser arrived. Two armed stormtroopers exited the ship.

 ‘We have Orders to deliver you….’

 ‘Yeah, yeah,’ Rey said with a wave of her hand, ‘Let’s go.’ She ordered.

 The men looked at each other and then looked at Rey. She tapped her foot impatiently.

 ‘Can we please get off this ship? I’ve rigged it to blow any moment now!’ She shouted.

 The men still stood in front of her.

 ‘Fine, stay here and die!’ She called as she strolled by the men and entered the ship. The two stormtroopers decided to trust her version of events, and followed closely behind.

 **********

‘Poe! We need to go faster!’ Leia cried. 

 ‘I’m trying Leia! Don’t worry we’ll get there in time.’

 They reached the ship just seconds after a shuttle took off from the docking bay.

 ‘Rey.’ Leia whispered as she watched the shuttle dock onto a larger cruiser. Thank goodness their ship was cloaked. 

 They landed in the docking bay. Leia closed her eyes and held out her hand in front of her.

 ‘He is unconscious, 1st floor corridor. Hurry Poe! Rey has detonated an explosive. I can only control the blast for minutes at best!’

Poe nodded and ran from the ship. Leia used her energy to focus on containing the blast, then to help Poe carry the weight of her son. Though everything happened within minutes, the exertion it put upon Leia made it feel like hours had passed for her.

Poe struggled back on board, dropping Ben’s body down onto the floor of the ship before running back to the cockpit.

‘Let’s get out of here.’ Leia said.

Poe piloted the ship out of the docking bay and they managed to get far enough away that only the aftershocks of the blast hit them. They both breathed a collective sigh of relief.

‘Leia, What are we going to do with him?’ Poe said tilting his head towards Ben. 

‘He’s different now. This is the first time I have felt my true son’s energy in so long. I think he has come back to us.' 

‘So he has turned back to the light? Then Rey did it! But where is she?’

‘I’m afraid she has paid a high price for Ben’s redemption.’

‘She isn’t….’

‘No. She is very much alive. But the darkness in my son has consumed her.’

‘Can we get her back?’

‘I hope that we can. She is conflicted. She still has ties to the light, though she tries to mask them from me.’ Leia looked back at her son.

'Can he save her?’ Poe said. Following her line of sight.

‘I hope so, let’s wake him up.’ Leia rose from her chair and crouched near her son, waving a hand across his face.

'Wake.’ She said.

Ben’s eyes sprang open.

‘Rey!’ He shouted then looked confused.

‘Mother?’ He asked with a frown. 

‘Hello Ben.’ Leia said with a soft smile.

‘What are you doing here? How did you know where to find me?’ Ben asked sitting up and holding his chest. 

‘I had a vision of Rey turning. I glimpsed her thoughts in my dreams and I saw her plan to blow up the ship you were on. Luckily, Poe found a way to track you out here….I couldn’t let you die.’

Ben wanted to say thank you, but the wounds his mother had left on his heart were deep and the words refused to leave his lips. Leia understood. She smiled at him and squeezed his hand.

‘Don’t read my thoughts mother.’ He said avoiding her eyes. 

‘I’m sorry, it was an accident.’ Leia said withdrawing her hand.

‘She tried to kill me.’ He said, but noted that he didn’t feel angry, just saddened.

‘I know.’ Leia said with a sympathetic expression, ‘It is nice to feel you again Ben, it has been so long.’

'This was Rey’s doing. Her affection has changed me, so gradually at first I didn’t notice it, then as we became closer the process seemed to speed up so suddenly, I was so caught up in my own transformation I didn’t even stop to consider….this is my fault. All of this.’

‘It is not your fault, Rey is young and inexperienced with the force. She has received no training to be able to resist the dark side. Rey has had a hard upbringing, she still finds it hard to rely on the help of others. If she had just confided in you maybe things could have been different, but this is futile, we cannot change what has happened. What is done, is done. We must move forward. Our plan is of course to regain Rey, bring her back to the fold. You are the key to that plan.’

Ben nodded. ‘I will go to her, I assume the first order will be based in the same location…’

‘Not so fast,’ Leia said, putting a hard across her son’s body. ‘We need to get you back to the rebel base first, we will make sure your wounds are fully healed, Rey is very strong with the force, it is prudent to assume she will be a formidable opponent for the dark side.’

‘No! The longer we wait the more chance there is that I... that we will lose her forever!’ Ben shouted.

‘And if I let you go now? Weak as you are? What kind of mother would that make me?’

‘Don’t think this sudden concern for my well being can make up for your years of neglect, Mother.’ 

Leia looked hurt, ‘I do not think that, but I do believe in learning from my mistakes. Please, come back with us for now. You can go to her as soon as you are strong enough.’

Ben had to concede that Rey was strong and she had significant knowledge of his injuries. She would know just where to target him should he have to come up against her. The thought of fighting Rey made him physically recoil, but he had to admit to himself that it could be a possibility and he needed to make sure he was ready. 

‘Okay.’ He reluctantly agreed. ‘But the moment I’m well enough, I’m going after her. Alone.'

 **********

The first order’s temporary leader, a long standing aging General with a nervous disposition was happy to relinquish the role to Rey. 

 _Just a bunch of lost little boys looking for someone to lead them. Pathetic._ He thought to herself. 

She smirked as she showed herself into Kylo’s quarters, letting her pets run loose as she entered the room. She sauntered around, taking in the dark décor.

‘I would never have approved before, but now I feel the room suits me.’ She said out loud. She thumbed through Kylo’s clothes. Picking out bits and pieces she could use. Remembering how she had looked in the vision she had had.

She used the com to call for assistance, 

‘I need to get out of these rags, can you send someone to help me?’

 'Yes Ma’am.’

‘Oh, and bring my beast’s something to eat.’

‘Yes Ma’am.’

Rey disconnected the call. 'I could get used to this.' She said with a smirk. She pulled Kylo's saber from her belt.   
  
'Now then, what am I going to do with you?' She said as she ignited the blade. The Vornskr backed away from her as she stared into the flickering flames. She caught sight of herself in a mirror, her eyes shone red, reflecting the sabers light.

Her reflection mouthed something at her, its eyes were pleading, and it reached out its hand towards her. 

'No! You kept me hidden for too long! Its my turn now!' She shouted turning her eyes away from the mirror. 

The doors to her room suddenly opened and two female officers entered. 

'We've come to help with your attire ma'am.' One said. 

'Excellent. We have a lot of work to do.' Rey said as she started to shrug out of her clothes. 

**********

Across the galaxy, at the rebels base, Ben lay on a hospital bed trying to reach Rey. Maybe it was the vast distance that kept their minds apart, but he suspected it was also because she was shutting him out.

'You are so strong now.' He murmured. 'Did tapping into the darkness make you stronger?' 

He remembered their last moments together, moments he had thought were the happiest of his life, now tainted and distorted by the knowledge that Rey was suffering and he had done nothing to help. He clenched his fists. 

'I will get you back Rey.' He vowed. 'We will be happy again.' 

The doctor entered and prepared Kylo's arm,

'You are making excellent progress now you have access to the right medical resources. We should notice a significant improvement in your condition within days.' He said as he administered yet another injection. 

'Good. There's somewhere I need to be.' Ben said looking away. 

The doctor nodded but remained silent. Ben was sure the entire base was aware of the story by now, the story of Ben's return to the light, and Rey's devastating loss to the dark. 

'I will give anything to get you back.' Ben murmured as the doctor left the room.

He felt suddenly drowsy and he didn't fight the urge to sleep, knowing that Rey would be waiting for him in his dreams and needing to see her so desperately, that he would accept an illusion over reality.

For now. 

**********


	27. A New Alliance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey assumes command of the first order and Ben makes a move to begin his attempt to rescue Rey from the dark.

When Ben opened his eyes, Rey lay next to him. She looked at him with a loving smile and stroked her fingers through his hair.

‘Rey….’ He said, trying to sit up.

‘Shhhh, Its okay. I’m here. Just rest.’ She said placing a hand across his chest.

‘Are you here? Is it really you?’ He said, narrowing his eyes.

‘It’s me. She can’t control me while she sleeps.’

‘Rey, tell me where you are.’ Ben pleaded.

‘Trapped. She keeps me buried deep down. We have to be careful, if she hears us…’

‘Are you with the first order?’

‘We are. She has assumed command.’ Rey eyes darted around the room. ‘I haven’t much time….’

‘I will come for you.’

‘You can’t! Ben you can’t. She will kill you!’

‘I will not abandon you.’

‘And if you die, everything I’ve worked towards will have been for nothing!’

‘You think my life means anything without you? You think my life is a fair trade for your own? I would die a thousand deaths before I let you sacrifice yourself for me Rey!’

Rey looked at him with tears in her eyes, ‘I can’t watch you die by my own hand Ben. I can’t.’

‘She won’t be able to do it if she has to look me in the eye, Rey. The reason she set those bombs is that she wasn’t strong enough to kill me in cold blood. Maybe part of her cares for me, just as Kylo cared for you.’

‘Its possible…. But it’s too risky.’ Rey said shaking her head. She rose off the bed and faced away from him. Ben followed her and placed a hand on her shoulder.

‘I have to try Rey. I have to, because I lo….’

Rey laughed, ‘Because you what? Do you love me Ben? That’s so……pathetic.’ The Rey that turned to look at him had nothing but distain displayed across her face.

‘Come after us Ben. I’ll be ready for you.’ She said with a lop-sided grin.

‘She’s stronger than you think. You can’t keep her locked away forever.’

‘I won’t have to. Once I kill you in front of her eyes she will wither and die. She loves you too you know.’

Ben stilled. Rey loved him. Then he felt his throat contract. He looked up to see Rey’s hand stretched out towards him. He slowly fell to his knees as she increased the pressure around his neck. She came towards him and crouched down, watched as his face reddened and his eyes bulged. She cocked her head to the side.

‘I will enjoy killing you Ben. It will be the perfect way to rid myself of the light once and for all.’

She kissed his lips gently then laughed, ‘I’ll see you soon.’ She said before his world went dark.

Ben jolted up in the hospital bed and gasped in a breath. He looked around him. The room was dark and silent and he was alone. He lay back down and tried to calm his erratic heart.

Rey. His Rey, was trapped and suffering, within a dark shell that threatened to consume her eternally and…she loved him. She loved him as he loved her. He closed his eyes.

‘Rey, I will not forsake you, my love.’ He whispered into the night.

**********

The following day Rey sat at the head of a table filled with first order officers. Her animals flanked her, they were proving to be useful motivation for her doubters, so she kept them close by.

‘Ma’am, I mean no disrespect but how can we just follow your orders blindly? Until a day ago, you were our number one target.’

‘It’s very simple, you will follow me, or I will kill you.’ Rey said inspecting her nails.

‘On what authority? You can’t make decisions like that…’

‘On my authority!’ Rey screamed standing up and reaching out her hand towards the man questioning her. His face went red and he clawed at his throat. Rey released him and he fell back into his chair.

‘Do not assume because I am a woman I am meek and mild. The force is strong with me, and I will use that power against anyone who dares to opposes me. You are stronger with me, than against me, do I make myself clear?’

There was a murmur of agreements from the room.

‘Okay, our first order of business, is a briefing. I want to know what resources the first order has, how many soldiers, weapons, ships everything and I want it by tomorrow.’

The men nodded.

‘Good. You’re dismissed.’ She said with a wave of her hand.

Once the room was empty, Rey patted her pets.

‘I don’t think they like taking orders form a woman do they? No, they don’t! But they will learn. They will all learn.’

She felt a sharp pain at her temple. She scrunched up her eyes and put two fingers against the source of the ache.

‘Stop it! I told you, its no good. I’m in control now.’

The pain subsided and Rey stood up.

‘Come on my babies, lets go for a walk.’

Rey walked through the corridors of the ship, trying to make a mental map as she moved. Stormtroopers observed her as they passed by and Rey straightened her shoulders and jutted out her jaw, holding their gaze. She couldn’t show weakness now. She had to present herself as something to be feared, a leader, not a friend. A somewhat lonely existence, she mused.

_This must have been how he felt._ She realised before pushing the thought away. Thoughts of Ben were dangerous, they gave the light an opening. Made her….. _feel_ things.

Rey arrived at the room for her next appointment. Two engineers were bent over a staff on a work table.

‘Is everything prepared?’ Rey asked as she entered the room.

‘Yes.  It is ready.’ One of the engineers replied. ‘It needs to be tested.’

‘Excellent. I need a workout.’ Rey said as approached the table. The crystal which had once resided within Ben’s light saber, was now fixed centrally within a metal staff, with the ability to yield two blades on either end.

Rey picked up the saber and ignited it, both ends of the staff lit up bright red. Rey twirled the saber in her hand. Both the engineers took a step back.

‘I need a partner, someone to train with.’

‘We have droids built for this purpose.’

‘That will do, for now.’

Down in the training facility, Rey cut down droid after droid, slicing through them as easily as cutting bread. It was fun, but far too easy. There was no satisfaction to be had defeating a battle droid whose very purpose was to lose.

She suddenly had a vision of Kylo cutting down droids in that very same training facility. In the vision he was shirtless and perspiring as he wielded his blade. Striking down droids and leaving scorch marks on the ground. Rey looked at the floor and ran her hand over one of the dark burns marring the surface. When she looked up again, Kylo was gone.

‘Now he would make an excellent sparring partner.’ She said out loud.

Suddenly a communication came through to the room,

‘Ma’am we have received a message from the resistance.’

‘I’ll be right there.’ She replied.

**********

‘What are you doing?’ Leia asked with her hands on her hips as she watched Ben type.

‘Sending a message to Rey, I’m going to take a ship, I’m letting her know my destination. She will come for me. I know it.’

‘You aren’t strong enough.’

‘I’m fine. I can’t wait any longer.’

‘And what if she kills you?’

‘She won’t.’

‘How do you know that?’

‘The same way you know you can’t change my mind. I just do.’

‘I don’t want to lose you when I just got you back.’ Leia said gently.

‘You aren’t going to lose me. I’ll be back and I’m going to bring Rey with me.’

‘I hope this works.’

‘It will, I just need to be around her, I need her to feel my presence, once she opens herself up to me, then I will be able to pull her back to the light.’

‘How are you going to do that?’

‘The same way she did it for me. I’m going to use my love for her.’

Leia’s mouth dropped open. Ben avoided her eyes. He wasn’t ready to have that talk yet.

‘Mother, everything will be fine. You have to trust me.’

‘Okay. I trust you, but please be careful.’

‘I will Mother.’

‘Rey is…very special…she is…. Like a daughter to me.’

‘I won’t fail mother, I won’t fail because I need her. She is half of my soul.’

‘I hope it isn’t too late.’ Leia said sadly.

‘Its never too late.’ Ben said with a small smile.

**********

Rey smiled as the officer repeated the communication to her.

‘So, he thinks he can come and save me, does he? Set a course for the co-ordinates. I want him taking prisoner and I don’t want him harmed.’

‘Yes ma’am.’

Rey left the room and couldn’t help the smile that spread out across her face. Ben would make an excellent training partner, it was fortuitous that he hadn’t died on that ship. The pain in her temple returned and Rey pressed her fingers to the spot.

‘If you try anything when he gets here, I’ll kill him.’ She said, and the pain instantly disappeared.

‘That’s right little girl, run away.’ She sneered.

Having Ben in her grasp would be an excellent carrot to keep her alter-ego at bay. She laughed to herself. Maybe she could even persuade Kylo to come out and play, now that was a tempting thought.

**********

When they reached the planet, Ben had chosen as their rendezvous point, Rey felt his presence immediately. She watched from afar as they brought him onboard. She observed his white and grey garments and boots with interest. It was quite a stark change from his usual attire. The resistance must have provided them for him.

She waited until he had been situated in a cell before she visited him. Walking into the room with her head held high and her swaying her hips ever so slightly so her cape swished behind her as she walked.

His wide eyes drinking her in as she came into the room gave her a momentary thrill.

‘Ben Solo, to what do we owe the pleasure?’

‘You know why I’m here.’ Ben replied standing up and coming towards the energy bars.

‘I wouldn’t have the faintest idea I’m sure!’ She replied.

Ben’s expression remained neutral. ‘I’m here for you.’

‘For me? Why Ben I’m flattered!’

‘I want you to come back with me. To the resistance.’

Rey laughed, ‘Do you not see how ridiculous this all is? All you ever wanted was for me to join you, now I’m here, and now you are begging me to leave!’ She came up to the bars until there were only a few inches of space between them, ‘I’m not going with you, but I’m giving you a chance to be useful to me. I need a training partner.’

‘What’s wrong with the droids?’

‘They aren’t enough of a challenge. I need someone who can really test me.’ She said her eyes flashing with excitement.

‘I don’t want to hurt you Rey.’

‘Ha! What makes you think you could get close enough to hurt me?’

Ben smiled, ‘Experience.’

Rey smiled then. Then her expression changed and a frown formed on her face. She looked up at him.

‘Ben?’ she asked, her voice barely a whisper.

‘Rey?’ He asked. ‘Rey is that you?’

Then she was gone and fury marred her beautiful features.

‘This was a mistake.’ She said and turned to leave.

‘Wait!’ Ben called. ‘I’ll do it! I’ll train with you and I won’t hold back.’

‘Really?’ Rey said turning to face him once more.

‘Really.’

‘Okay then.’ She said with a satisfied smile, ‘We’ll start tomorrow. I’ll leave you to have some time to become better acquainted with your new surroundings.’

‘Until tomorrow then.’ Ben said.

‘Yes, until tomorrow.’ She said, then left.

**********

That night Ben dreamed of Rey. He was in a clearing in the centre of a dark forest. He could hear Rey’s voice echoing through the trees, and spun around trying to locate her but to no avail. Desperate to find her, he started to run through the dense foliage, scratches formed on his arms and face but still he ran. When he finally found her, she was standing on a cliff top with her back to him. He put a hand on her shoulder.

‘Rey.’ He said.

She turned to look at him, her face was pale and her eyes were red rimmed.

‘Don’t trust her. Don’t let her in. Don’t give her any chances to kill you Ben.’

‘I won’t.’

‘Ben, I want you to know that I lo….’

‘I know.’ Ben said before pulling her towards him and holding her close. ‘I know.’

**********


	28. Conflicted Hearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben tries to gain Rey’s trust but his actions lead to unforeseen circumstances.....

‘No. Again.’ Ben called. His voice stern. He stalked around Rey where she crouched on bended knee. Sweat beads dripped down her back as she adjusted her grip on the staff she held and his eyes tracked the moisture as it trailed down her skin.

Ben slammed his own staff into the ground. Rey looked up at him. He was an imposing sight, shirtless and wielding the weapon before him.

‘You want the title of supreme Leader? You need to earn it.’ He said. ‘Up. Again.’

Rey growled in frustration as she rose up slowly, adopting a defensive stance as she came at Ben again. She twisted her staff in her hands and pushed forward, Ben raised his own staff to meet hers, blocking her attack. She tried to gain some ground but Ben held strong. His forearms stretched out before him as he stared her down.

‘You will never be strong enough in this form, Rey. Tap into the light. It will give you the edge you need.’

‘Nice try pretty boy.’ Rey grunted still trying to push him into retreat but coming up against a solid wall of muscle.

‘Don’t you want to be the best? I feel how much you want to prove your worth. There is only one way to achieve it. You must learn to wield both the dark and light side of the force, you must learn to embrace them both.’ Ben said then let the force flow through him, sending Rey hurtling back down to the ground.

She screamed and pounded the ground with her fists, ‘I am worthy!’ She shouted.

‘You are caught between two worlds, Rey.’ Ben said coming towards her, ‘I know how that feels. I know how hard it is to feel this way.’

He crouched before her, his eyes settling on her lips. Rey was breathing heavily, she closed her eyes and then he felt her.

‘Ben? What’s happening?’ She asked looking up at him and then down at her own hands.

‘Rey.’ Ben said, unable to control his delight at hearing her gently voice once more and seeing her soft eyes.

Rey reached out her hands and settled them on his chest as if checking to see if he were real then she wrapped her arms around his neck and moulded himself against him.

‘I thought I would never see you again.’ She said into his shoulder.

‘I would never let that happen. I will free you Rey. I swear it.’ He said holding her tighter.

‘My hero.’ Rey hissed into his ear then licked a line from his cheek to his forehead. Ben pushed her away and she fell to the ground and laughed.

‘Still trying to rescue your precious little Jedi? She’s gone. Accept it.’

‘As much as you would like that to be true, she will never leave you, just as Kylo will never leave me.’

Ben’s eyes suddenly moved to her chest and though he quickly diverted them, Rey had caught his slip. Rey cocked her head to the side, and let her eyes travel down his body and back up again.

‘You want me, I can feel it.’ She said.

‘I want her.’ Ben replied.

Rey shrugged, ‘Same difference. You can have me you know.’ She said sitting on the floor and widening the space between her legs.

Ben stared at her, his nostrils flared. Rey smiled and started to crawl towards him.

‘I can be meek and mild when it’s warranted, or I can be strong and unyielding. I can be whatever you want me to be.’ She said reaching him and slowly standing up pushing her body up against his as she did so.

Ben looked down at her and swallowed. Rey put her hands on his hips and lifted herself up onto her tiptoes, bending her head slightly so their lips were almost touching.

‘Don’t you want this Ben? Why don’t you take it? Go on, take it. Take me.’ She said.

Ben’s lip quivered, then his expression hardened and he pushed her away. ‘No.’ Rey

clenched her jaw, ‘We’re done for the day.’ She snapped, then indicated to the two armed stormtroopers by the entrance.

‘Take him back to his cell.’

**********

Ben paced in the small cell, feeling like a caged animal. He couldn’t deny that Rey’s offer had been tempting, but she wasn’t herself. It wasn’t consensual and it wouldn’t be right. Still, every muscle in his body was tense and he couldn’t think straight. Images of Rey writhing under him in his bed or Rey a top of him restraining his wrists ran through his mind and he hissed in a breath. In his head he heard a echoing laugh.

‘I knew you wanted me.’ Rey taunted.

‘Get out of my head.’ Ben growled.

‘You get out of mine!’ She retorted.

Ben sat down on the cot, he changed tactics.

‘Rey please. You don’t want this life. It’s lonely and empty, believe me there will be nothing but pain if you stay on this path.’

‘You have no idea what I want.’ She said sharply.

‘I know you…..’ he started.

‘No!’ Rey interjected, ‘You know her! You’ve made no effort to get to know me!’

Ben realised she was hurt. Interesting. So she did care for him. She wanted his approval.

‘You’re right. I’m sorry. When I was Kylo, you never discounted my feelings and I shouldn’t do the same to you.’ He said.

Suddenly he found himself transported to his own quarters. He looked around at the familiar yet foreign space.

Rey sat in the centre of his bed. She looked up at him shyly. His eyes swept over her, she wore a black nightgown that stopped just above her knee. Her legs were folded neatly underneath her.

‘Do you mean that?’ She asked gently.

‘Yes. I want to know you.’ Ben said coming forward and sitting on the edge of the bed. ‘Talk to me.’

‘She never let me speak. She always pushed me away.’ Rey said looking down at the bed.

‘She was just afraid of you, she did not understand.’

‘You wanted me.’ She said her eyes jumping to his. ‘You called to me.’

‘What?’

‘Kylo, he called to me. He drew me out, gave me his power. He made me strong. He wanted me. You wanted me then, now you don’t. It is...confusing and upsetting.’

Ben realised that it was wrong to treat this Rey like a mistake. Had he felt that way as Kylo? No. He had felt justified in his actions. He felt that the others around him were wrong. This Rey felt the same way. She was just a lost soul looking for her place in the world, however misguided she may be, she deserved to have treated with empathy.

‘I do want you.’ Ben admitted.

‘You do?’

‘But I want all of you Rey, not just fragments.’

Rey pouted, ‘I won’t let her out, she will bury me again. She won’t listen.’

‘Maybe She will now? Maybe she will if you let me talk to her?’

‘No!’ Rey shouted.

‘Okay.’ Ben said putting up his hands in mock surrender, ‘Let’s just talk. Just you and me.’

Rey thought for a moment while she looked at him, then she slipped off the bed. She pressed a communication device on the wall.

‘I want the prisoner brought to my quarters.’ She ordered, keeping her eyes on Ben’s.

Ben suddenly found himself back in his cell. He swallowed hard and ran a hand through his hair, not sure what he was letting himself in for, but feeling relieved at having a better understanding of how to deal with the situation before him.

Just as he knew Kylo was a part of him, Rey needed to learn that her dark side was a part of her, and it couldn’t be ignore or shut away. They just needed an outlet for the conflicting power that resided within them both. Perhaps they could provide that for each other, be each other’s anchor when the storm within became too much to bare.

A stormtrooper arrived.

‘You are to come with me.’ He said.

Ben nodded in agreement and followed obediently.

**********

When they reached Rey’s room, the stormtrooper motioned for Ben to enter and took up a sentinel position at the entrance. Ben entered the room and Rey smiled at him as she poured a brown liquid from a crystal decanter into two glasses.

‘I hope you will join me in a drink?’ She said. Ben nodded. Rey came towards him and held out the glass, he took it. Rey clinked her own against his.

‘To a new alliance.’ She said with a smirk and she took a drink.

Ben took a sip of his drink and then a larger mouthful. It was delicious. Spicy and warm.

Rey moved towards the bed and sat down, she motioned for Ben to join her. Ben licked his lips and followed her to bed. He sat down.

‘I don’t want us to fight Ben. Maybe we can be friends?’ Rey said.

‘I would like that.’ Ben said. His eyes ran over her body. He took another sip of his drink. His own body started to heat up and he felt himself hardening between his legs. He had a sudden desperate urge to pull Rey towards him and kiss her deeply. Rey looked at him as she ran a hand back and forth across her chest. Ben’s eyes followed the movement.

‘Are you okay?’ Rey asked with a frown.

Ben started to pant. The need to have Rey in his arms became almost unbearable. What was going on? He looked at the glass in his hand.

‘Did you drug me?’ He asked.

Rey smiled, ‘Just a little chemically inducing aphrodisiac. It wouldn’t work unless the desire was already there.’ She said crawling into his lap and straddling him.

‘This isn’t how friends treat each other.’ He said through gritted teeth.

Rey squirmed in his lap and he pulled in a breath. ‘Don’t pretend you don’t want this.’ She said, pressing soft kisses to his jaw line.

Ben closed his eyes, it would be so easy to just let go, to take what he needed from her. His hands hovered behind her back as he fought with himself.

‘Touch me Ben. Please.’ She whispered against his cheek.

‘This is wrong.’ Ben said. The effort of denying himself the pleasure of having her in his arms again caused his whole body to shake.

‘You said it yourself, I’m a part of Rey just as Kylo is a part of you, so how is this wrong?’ Rey said as she lowered the straps of her gown to reveal her breasts.

‘You are not yourself right now.’ Ben said gripping her arms tightly and keeping his eyes focused on hers.

‘You won’t be able to resist much longer, this drug is very potent.’ She said with a smile.

_Ben. It’s okay._ A voice in his head caught his attention.

_What?_

_It’s okay Ben. I will allow this. You need to get close to her. She is slowly letting you in. She wants you as I want you, it’s loosening her grip. I can feel everything she feels. This isn’t a betrayal Ben. You need to do this._

_Are you sure about this?_

_I’m sure. We need her to trust you Ben. Now kiss me._

The other Rey was caught off guard by the ferocious way Ben came at her, pressing his lips to hers feverishly and gripping the back of her neck in his hand.

Rey moaned against his mouth sinking her hands into his hair. The drug started to take over and his movements were driven by a insatiable need have more.

Standing up, his clothes were shed quickly and Rey’s dress was discarded in an instant. She let him lead her by the hand back to the large bed that once had been his and now was hers. They slipped under the sheet and Ben covered her body with his own.

Rey are you there? He asked reaching out with him mind while he kissed at her throat.

_I’m here, I feel you. Don’t stop._

Rey moved her head to look at him suddenly with suspicious eyes.

‘What are you doing?’ She asked.

‘I’m making love to you. Only you.' He replied, capturing her lips once more.

She sighed and leaned into the kiss. Ben decided it wouldn’t be safe to try and reach out for Rey’s light again. It was enough to know that she was there, and she was still with him.

He let the drug cloud his senses, letting the world fall away until they were nothing but their own need and desire.

He positioned himself between her legs. His body was on fire, the need to have her was almost akin to the need for water or sleep, as if his life depended upon their bodies becoming one.

When he entered her, she called out. Clawing at his back causing him to hiss as she dug her nails in deep drawing blood with a lustful smile.

‘Mine.’ She said.

‘Yours.’ He agreed.

He moved within her and she rubbed her thighs against his.

‘Tell me you want me.’ She ordered as she arched her back.

‘I want you.’ He obeyed readily, dipping his head to pull one of her nipples into his mouth. She threw back her head and licked her lips, Ben started to feel himself moving rapidly towards his release.

‘I feel you.’ She said with awe. ‘I feel what you feel.’

Rey called out as her climax overpowered her. She tightened around him which pushed Ben forward towards his own release. They lost themselves in the mutual blinding pleasure for a moment. Then refocused on each other as they floated back down.

‘Will you….will you stay with me tonight? Sleep here with me?’ Rey asked.

Ben leaned forward and kissed her forehead. ‘Yes.’ He replied pushed her hair behind her ear.

_I love you Ben._ The words were a mere whisper in his mind, but a deep comfort to his soul.

**********


	29. An unexpected visitor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben tried to keep Rey distracted, but an unexpected visitor has his plan quickly veer off course.

Ben lay awake for some time with Rey sprawled out across his chest. He stroked her hair gently. Her breathing was rhythmic and soft, he knew he had gained her trust. She was completely vulnerable to him in the moment, but he could never hurt her. Ben knew the pain of having those you trusted turn on you in a moment of vulnerability. He knew where that path would lead.

The effects of the drug quickly wore off once its objective had been achieved, and though he still harboured some anger towards her for the deception, he had decided it would be counterproductive to start an argument at this time when they were just starting to get along so well.

He thought about the irony of what he would have traded just a few short weeks ago to have Rey lying in his arms, in his bed ready to rule the galaxy with him. Now he realised all he really wanted, all he really needed, was Rey, pure, hopeful, kind, gentle, Rey. His own darkness was to blame for her polluted sense of self, and the deep rooted guilt he felt over being the cause of her current state, coupled with his cavernous love for her, meant that he would not leave her. Even if he could not turn her back. He would never leave her side again. 

‘You will never be alone again Rey.’ He murmured, leaning forward to kiss the top of her head.

Rey sighed in her sleep and her hands tightened their grip on his sides.

Eventually sleep claimed Ben and he found himself in a dream that gave him hope for their future.

The planet before him was so green, he saw a stone building planted within the natural landscape. He saw small children in gray robes laughing as they came at each other with sticks, even some very small children using the force to knock each other down and laughing.

Then he saw Rey. Beautiful, shining Rey she emerged from the building with a smile on her lips. Pausing in the doorway to watch the children play. His eyes froze on her stomach. It was rounded and protruding. Rey ran a hand over its new shape lovingly.

Then Ben saw something which made him take a step back, he saw himself appear from the building. He stood beside Rey, put a hand on her stomach and kissed her temple. Rey closed her eyes as he kissed her then beamed up at him.

‘Alright children!’ Rey called out. ‘It is time for your lessons little ones!’

The children all answered as one, ‘Yes Master Solo!’ They quickly replied as they scrambled to form a line.

Ben could feel tears falling onto his cheeks. Was this an image of what was to come? Or was his hopeful mind just fulfilling his wishes? Could it be that he was to find peace? Could it be that he could still save Rey and bring her back? Bring her back to him?

He was pulled from the dream by her movements in reality. He stirred to the feeling of Rey’s hair tickling his chest as she spattered soft kisses across his skin. She looked up and smiled as she saw he was awake. She reached up to kiss his mouth.

‘You will stay with me every night.’ She said. It wasn’t a question. ‘We will rule the galaxy together, you and I and we will have children. We will give the world the most powerful leaders it has ever known. Our bloodline will rule throughout the ages.’

Ben paused at her mention of her carrying his child, the dream still fresh in his mind. Could it be that she was already with.... But no, he couldn’t think about that. Her view of their future was tainted. He couldn’t accept that outcome for them.

‘No.’ Ben said.

Rey blinked and her calm expression darkened,

‘I wasn’t asking for your permission.’

‘I refuse.’

‘You cannot refuse me.’ She said, fire igniting in her eyes.

‘Rey, this is not our future. I think….I believe... I have foreseen what we are to become and this is not our path.’

‘If you do not yield to me, you will spend the rest of your days rotting in that cell.’ She spat.

‘So be it, for I will not leave you.’

A flicker of concern passed across her face. Another crack in her careful facade.

‘You are a fool Ben Solo.’ She said looking away from him.

‘That may be, but I am your fool. Do with me what you will.’

Rey stood up and started to pull on her clothes.

‘Let’s go eat, then we shall train.’

‘As you wish.’ Ben said standing up and pulling on his tunic.

He caught the small smile that passed across her lips before she entered the fresher.

**********

After a relatively quiet breakfast they returned to training.

Rey was improving quickly and Ben feared it was her dark side growing within her.

‘Soon I won’t have anything left to teach you.’ Ben said and Rey glowed at the praise.

‘I will always find uses for you Ben Solo.’ She said, her eyes low and intense.

Ben ignored the rush of desire that flowed through him, ‘No distractions.’ He berated. ‘Back to work.’

Rey let out a huff but returned to her defensive stance.

‘You can’t resist me forever.’ She muttered as she came at him again and Ben worried that she was right.

**********

Across the galaxy, Finn returned to the resistance base flush with new intel from his first solo mission. Poe and Rose were there to greet him. Neither of them needed to be force sensitive to know what his first enquiry would be.

‘So? Is Rey back?’ He asked eager for news.

Poe and Rose looked at each other.

‘What is it?’ Finn asked suddenly worried.

‘There’s been a complication…’ Rose began.

‘What did he do to her?’ Finn demanded.

‘Finn buddy, calm down. It’s not Ben’s fault…’ Poe said.

‘Ben? You’re calling him Ben now?’ Finn shot back.

‘Things have changed, if you would just listen to me…’ Rose pleaded.

‘No! I listened when Rey said she could handle him. Clearly she couldn’t! Tell me where she is!’ 

‘She’s with the first order.’ Poe said as Rose shot him a look.

‘What?’ Finn erupted.

‘It was her choice Finn.’ Rose said. ‘You need to understand….Finn!’

Finn started to return to his ship.

‘I’m going after her.’

‘Finn you need to listen….’ Poe shouted.

‘Do you know the coordinates?’ Finn asked turning towards them once more. 

‘Yes, don’t worry. We managed to break down their location. It wasn’t easy but Rose is a marvel.’

‘That’s my girl.’ Finn said looking at her with pride as Rose blushed.

‘Where are the coordinates stored? Are they in our database?’

Poe nodded.

‘Thanks, that’s all I needed to know.’ Finn turned to leave and then at the last minute turned around to kiss Rose and put his forehead against hers.

‘What are you doing?’ She asked.

‘I’m doing what I should have done a long time ago. I’m going to bring her home.’ He said before turning and running back to his shop. 

‘No! Finn!’ Rose called out but Finn was already settling in the cockpit preparing to take off.

He took flight in one smooth motion and Rose cursed the day that her foolish love filled heart had promised to teach him how to fly.

‘What do we do?’ She asked Poe.

‘We go after him.’

‘What about Rey? She could kill us.’

‘We’ll bring reinforcements. Force sensitive reinforcements. Come on! There’s no time to waste!’

**********

Their training that day was long and gruelling. Ben tried to keep her interested in the activity as long as possible, hoping to keep her away from the business of running the first order for as long as he could, keeping her safe with him, until he knew what to do. Until he knew how to free her, he planned to try and keep her far out of harm's way.

Rey sat on the floor stretching her calves when she suddenly sat up.

‘What’s that?’ She said, her eyes darting around the room.

‘What?’ Ben asked.

Rey stood up, ‘Someone is coming.’ She focused her eyes on Ben. He could feel the anger radiating from her.   

Ben reached out. He felt Finn approaching fast.

‘It’s Finn.’ He said without thinking.

‘Resistance scum!’ She shouted, grabbing her saber staff and moving towards the door.

‘Rey no!’ Ben shouted, moving towards her and standing in front of the door.

‘Did you contact him?’ Rey asked holding the saber out in front of her.

‘No! Rey I wouldn’t. I swear it.’

‘Get out of my way!’ She screeched.

Ben didn’t move.

‘Guards!’ Rey shouted and two stormtroopers entered the room.

‘Apprehend him!’ She called pointing a finger at Ben.

The troopers came towards Ben, each one grabbed an arm and dragged him away from the door.

‘Rey!’ Ben called out as she left the room. He wrestled with the troopers and managing to get one hand free, he used it to send one of the men hurtling against the wall, knocking him out cold.

He turned towards the second guard who reached for his blaster, but it was too late. Ben sent him hurtling into the same wall and he landed in a heap near his partner.

Ben ran out of the room, trying desperately to catch up with Rey. He ran to the docking bay, and caught sight of Finn’s ship. She had allowed him to dock but she was standing with her saber drawn waiting for him to exit.

Finn came down the ramp with a smile on his lips but it quickly evaporated when he saw Rey looking at him with rage filled eyes.

‘Why are you here!’ She demanded, brandishing her saber.

‘I came for you!’ Finn said, ‘I came to save you!’

Ben came forward.

‘Rey, just listen…’

‘What is this? What are you trying to do?’ Rey asked looking to Ben.

Ben shifted his position to stand beside Finn.

‘He is just confused. He is your friend Rey. He cares about you.’

‘You did this!’ She said pointing her saber at Ben.

‘No, I would never betray you….’

‘You think you can force my hand? Who else is coming?’ Rey closed her eyes for a moment then opens them. ‘Your mother is approaching. You mean to ambush me!’

‘No! Listen this is a misunderstanding!’ Ben exclaimed.

‘Rey listen to me!’ Finn called out desperately.

Rey extinguished her saber and put her hands over her ears. She closed her eyes tightly.

‘Stop it! Stop it!’ She called out.

Ben took a step towards her. ‘Rey please….’

Finn pulled out his blaster, ‘Get away from her!’ He shouted. ‘What have you done to her?’

‘Finn stay out of this.’ Ben warned him.

Rey’s eyes hardened at the sight of his weapon. She lit her saber once more.

Ben stood between them both, holding a hand out in each direction.

‘Both of you listen!’ He shouted. ‘Finn, give me the blaster.’ Ben attempted to use the force to remove the weapon from Finn’s hand. Finn felt his pull and tightened his grip on the handle. They grappled for a few moments and then the blaster went off. Ben’s heart stopped. He watched in slow motion as Rey deflected the blast with her then roared as she came at Finn with her saber drawn back.

Her vision blinded by fury, Rey thrust the weapon forward and smiled as she felt it hit her target, then a pulsating throb started to build in her head, at first she didn’t know what was happening then she realised the other Rey was screaming. The noise was unbearable. She closed her eyes. When she opened them again the screams had evaporated and the darkness had retreated and Rey was back in control of her body, but her delight was short lived.

Rey stood in shock before Ben. Her saber still in her hands, the blade firmly lodged through his chest. He seemed to recognise the change in her as he smiled and reached out a hand towards her face.

‘Rey’ he whispered as he fell backwards to the ground.

‘Ben!’ She screamed, throwing herself onto the ground next to him and taking his face in her hands.

‘Don’t die. Please don’t die.’ She begged. ‘I’m here, I’m here now!’

‘It’s okay Rey. You didn’t know…..it wasn’t you….’ Ben managed to choke out.

‘I told you this would happen! I told you she would kill you!’ Rey sobbed.

‘Rey?’ Finn asked with a frown.

Rey looked up at him, ‘Yes it’s me! It’s me! It’s hard to explain but I wasn’t me before. Ben, please don’t die.’ She sobbed.

‘It’s okay Rey. It’s okay.’ Ben’s words were slurred and his eyes fluttered shut.

‘No.’ Rey said as his eyes closed. ‘Ben! Ben!’

Ben lay motionless in her arms. Rey’s mouth was frozen open. She tried to scream, but no sound came out. She looked at her hands.

You’re a murderer. You killed him. She thought to herself.

She stood up and took a few steps backwards, ‘He’s gone. He’s gone... and it’s all my fault.’

‘No Rey, you didn’t know….’ Finn started but was distracted from his words by the sudden arrival of another ship.

Rey felt, Leia, Poe and Rose onboard. How could she look them in the eye now? How could she ever meet Leia‘s eyes again knowing that her son had died by her own hand?

Rey ran. She ran from their eyes, she ran from her own guilt, from the sight of Ben lying lifeless on the ground before her. She ran to the nearest escape pod and once she was inside she jammed the door shut.

**********


	30. The sun rises once more.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A misunderstanding plunges Rey into grief. Can Ben get to her in time? Will Rey and Ben finally find the peace they both seek? 
> 
> **********
> 
> Last chapter, thank you for sticking with me. I hope you enjoyed this story. :-) 
> 
> **********

Rey took a deep breath. She could leave, but where could she go? Everything she wanted was gone. There was nothing left for her. The world seemed so empty now. 

She looked around the pod, desperately searching for an answer. 

A voice laughed in her head. 

_ Poor little Rey. All alone again.  _

Rey squeezed her eyes shut. ‘Be quiet.’

_ You have no one now Rey. No one but me.  _

Rey looked at the saber in her hands. 

_ And you have no one to blame but yourself.  _

**********

Ben opened his eyes to the sight of his mother with her hands stretched out across his chest, her eyes closed. 

‘Mother?’ 

‘Ben! Thank goodness you’re alive! I didn’t know if I would be able to save you, the wound was large but she missed your heart thank goodness.’ 

Ben glanced at his shoulder. The wound was cauterised and healing slowly. 

’had I not been able to utilise the force within me and you, you would have died for sure.’ 

Ben looked at Finn, Poe and Rose’s concerned faces all peering down at him. 

‘You….you saved my life.’ Finn said. He blinked down at Ben.

‘I did it for her.’ Ben replied. ‘Where’s Rey?’ He asked, suddenly realising she was missing.

‘She thought she had killed you, she ran off, but she is still on the ship.’ Poe replied. 

‘What! Why didn’t you go after her?’

‘We didn’t know if she was still dangerous.’ Rose replied. 

Ben closed his eyes and reached out for Rey, quickly locating her in the nearby escape pod. He felt her desperate grief and the darkness circling her. 

She thinks I’m dead. He realised with alarm, his eyes still closed. 

He reached out to her through the bond, trying to reassure her he was alive, her dangerous thoughts swirled through his mind. 

_ She wasn’t going to…. _

‘Rey! No!’ He called out, as he projected his image behind her.

**********

Rey turned to see Ben standing behind her in the enclosed space, one arm stretched out towards her, another clasped over his chest. 

Tears poured down Rey’s face. The illusion was just too cruel. 

‘You’re not real!’ She screamed.

‘I am! Rey it’s me! I’m here!’ Ben took his hand away from his chest and revealed the wound she had caused which had travelled through his shoulder, not his heart. ‘You missed my heart Rey, I’m not dead. You didn’t kill me. My mother brought me back to consciousness. Please Rey, come back.’ 

‘You can’t be here, I jammed the door.’ 

‘I am a force projection that is true but I am alive. I am lying on the floor of the docking bay.’

‘I don’t believe you!’ 

The Ben before her looked away from her and started to address the wall.

‘She doesn’t believe me. Lift me up. I don’t care! You have to take me there! She needs to see me!’ 

Rey hesitated. Could this really be Ben? Could it be true that he was alive?

‘Is this true?’ She asked cautiously.

‘Yes. Wait. I’m coming to you. Rey, we can be together now. It’s over. It’s all over now, my love.’

Rey’s heart thumped in her chest, the joy she felt at learning of Ben’s survival extinguished the darkness within her. Ben was alive and he still wanted her. 

‘No!’ Rey exclaimed suddenly fearful as to the extent of his injuries and what moving him might do to them. ‘I’ll come to you!’ 

Ben’s projection faded away as Rey lit her saber. She sliced the pod door through until there was a scorched hole big enough for her to exit through. She ran down the corridor. Then stopped dead when she came face to face with Poe and Finn supporting Ben. 

‘Rey.’ He said as his eyes focused on her face.

‘Ben!’ She ran towards him, then hesitated as she saw his injury.

‘I did that.’ She said with tears in her eyes.

‘Rey look at me, listen to me. I don’t care. I don’t. All I care about is that you are back and you are here, you are here with me.’ Poe and Finn took a step back and Ben held out his arms. Rey came forward and tentatively held herself against his chest. She took a deep breath then sobbed gently. 

Ben stroked her hair and kissed her crown. 

‘It’s okay. Everything will be okay now.’ He soothed. 

‘Rey we have to get out of here, once these guys realise that you are not their leader anymore, we’re all as good as dead.’ Finn said. 

Rey stopped crying and wiped at her eyes.

‘These men have no reason to fight anymore, this war is over.’ Rey said.

‘Indeed it is.’ Leia said coming around the corner.

Rey ran to her and Leia enveloped her in a hug.

‘It’s wonderful to have you back Rey.’ She said.

‘It’s wonderful to be back.’ Rey said with a smile.

‘Come on, let’s get off this ship. I think the First Order will be willing to negotiate it’s surrender as soon as they realise they are out of supreme leaders.’ Leia said with a smirk.

‘But we will help them won’t we Leia? We will help the stormtroopers who want to lead a normal life?’ 

‘We will Rey. It will take time, but we will try to show them a better path.’ She said patting Rey’s hand. 

Rey’s eyes met Ben’s once more, she came towards him and put his arm over her shoulders.

‘Let’s get out of here.’ She said. 

**********

Once they were back on the resistance ships, Rey tended to Ben's wounds. 

‘I thought I had lost you.’ She said.

‘I thought I had lost you too.’ Ben replied.

As she bandaged his chest once more, Rey felt a deep exhaustion come over her, ‘Ben, I don’t want this life anymore. I want a life free from fighting, free from pain and most of all free from loneliness.’

‘I want that life too.’ Ben said taking her hand in his. 

‘Promise me...when you are well enough...you will take me away from all this to a place where we can be together, where we can live in peace.’

‘I promise Rey.’ He said bringing her hand to his mouth and kissing it. 

**********

Some time later…..

Ben held out his hand to Rey as they exited the falcon and surveyed the greenery of the planet around them.

‘This is beautiful.’ Rey said on a sigh.

‘I thought you would like it. I scoured the star charts for somewhere with an abundance of vegetation.’ Ben replied, squeezing her hand slightly. ‘There is a small dwelling.’ He said pointing to a stone building in the distance. ‘We can set up there.’

They walked through the long grass towards the house hand in hand.

As soon as Ben was fully healed, he had made good on his promise. They had said goodbye to the resistance, and left to find somewhere to call home. 

The remaining resistance members, were currently concentrating on rehabilitating the stormtrooper army as well as making sure that a new fair government was being assembled to negotiate the signing of peace treaties throughout the galaxy. 

The world they knew was changing for the better and Rey and Ben were convinced the future would be a better place for everyone. 

When they reached the dwelling, Ben pushed open the door, the rooms were basic, but there was some simple furniture and a fireplace. Rey’s eyes focused on the bed. 

Rey and Ben had not been intimate with each other since their time on Hux’s ship. The need to feel Ben within her was almost unbearable but the fear that she would change again was a constant barrier.

She looked at Ben knowing he sensed her every emotion, there were no walls between them now. 

He closed the door and came towards her, wrapping his arms around her waist.

‘We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.’ He said.

‘It’s not that....I do want to….I’m just…I’m afraid.’ She said looking up at him. 

‘It’s okay. We are in control of the dark now. It will not take us again. You don’t need to be afraid.’ 

Ben leaned down to kiss her lips. 

‘I want you so badly, please let me feel you again.’ He murmured against her mouth. 

Desire surged through Rey as she reached up to wrap her arms around his neck, her lips pressed hard against his. 

Ben’s hands ran up her back and tangled in her hair. 

‘Rey.’ He breathed against her skin as his lips travelled down to her throat. ‘My love, my life, my salvation.’ He said holding her tightly against him.

Rey felt tears fall onto her cheeks. This was right. This was how it should always be between them. 

They moved towards the bed. Rey helped Ben undress then stood before him. 

She undressed slowly keeping her eyes on Ben’s. He watched her in awe. A word floated into her mind across their bond.

_ Beautiful _ . 

She climbed on top of Ben where he sat on the bed and kissed him again, locking her hands together around his neck. He rolled them over so that he was on top of her. He framed her face with his hands. 

‘Are you sure?’ He asked again. 

‘I’m sure.’ Rey said reaching up to join their lips once more. 

Her body came alive as he touched her, and she found that there was no need to fear his touch now. There was no darkness, only light. A strong burning beacon of purity that touched her soul and lifted her higher. A promise that a world unlike anything they had ever known before awaiting them. 

It wasn’t long until she was crying out for him to unite their bodies, their hands entwined above her head, as he pushed inside her and Rey arched her back as her eyes fluttered closed. 

‘Ben!’ She called out, her thighs clenching against his, her muscles tensing, as the ache within her called out to be quelled. 

They came together as one, a joyous union of bodies and minds locked in a euphoric state of pleasure that ebbed into a state of quiet contentement.

They lay together for some time. Ben wrapped his arms protectively around Rey. He pressed soft kisses against her shoulder and back and nuzzled at her hair. 

For the first time in her life, Rey felt like she was truly home and she knew Ben felt the same way. 

The words came easy now and there was no more need to hide them, not now when she knew nothing would ever part them again.

_ I love you Ben. _ She sent through the bond as she drifted off to sleep. 

_ I love you too Rey. _ He replied with a gently kiss placed upon her neck. 

**********

Epilogue    
  
‘Are you ready?’ Ben asked as he stood before her.   
  
‘Yes.’ Rey replied. ‘Let’s do this.’    
  
They turned away from each other to face the hoard of attackers coming at them from all angles.   
  
Rey and Ben held out their staffs as wave after wave of troops came at them, they defended themselves with ease being careful not to cause any real harm to the small assailants.    
  
Suddenly Ben picked up one of the would-be soldiers and hoisted him onto his shoulders.   
  
‘Daddy!’ The little boy complained.    
  
‘I need assistance little one!’ Ben shouted as he continued to protect himself from the other children who were giggling and coming at him unrelentingly.   
  
‘We’re outnumbered Lucan! We need you!’  Rey shouted as she turned and caught two young students sneaking up behind her. She tickled them both until they fell into a fit of laughter.   
  
‘Okay Mommy!’ Lucan said, holding his small staff into the air above his head. Holding out his other hand the small boy stopped the scene around them and all of the children froze in place, Rey, Ben and Lucan looked at each other.    
  
Lucan swallowed and looked worried, ‘Did I do something wrong?’ 

  
‘No darling!’ Rey said with a smile. ‘It’s not wrong, but can you make everyone move again now please?’    
  
‘Yes mommy!’ The little boy said cheerfully, and with a wave of his hand the scene before them started to move again.   
  
Rey dropped her staff and clapped her hands together,   
  
‘Well I think it’s time to get back to lessons now.’    
  
The children groaned in unison. 

  
‘Come on now, Poe is coming to talk to you about aviation and BB8 is assisting!’    
  
The children cheered and ran into the newly built stone building to get ready for Poe’s arrival.   
  
Ben lifted the little black haired boy from his shoulders.    
  
‘Am I in trouble daddy?’ Lucan asked as his lip wobbled.   
  
‘No son, of course not. We were just surprised. You are becoming so strong. I think it’s about time that daddy started training you alone.’    
  
The small boy beamed, ‘Am i really ready? Am I that strong already?’    
  
Rey came to stand beside Ben and put her arm around his waist,   
  
‘You will be stronger than daddy soon.’ Rey said looking down at their most precious gift. ‘Go join the others now.’ 

  
Their son ran off to reunite with his classmates.   
  
‘How did he do that? Should we be worried?’  Rey asked Ben with concern. 

  
‘No. We always knew he would be able to use the force, and I believe his control is impressive for someone of his age.’ Ben replied.

  
Rey frowned, ‘We have to make sure he understands there are those who might use this power against him. We have to teach him to protect himself from anyone who might...’    
  
Ben cut his wife off with a kiss, pulling away to rub his nose against hers.    
  
‘He will be okay Rey. We will teach him everything he needs to know, including the most important lesson that we will always be there for him.’    
  
Rey smiled, ‘Yes. Always.’    
  
They walked hand in hand towards the building just as Poe arrived with BB8.   
  
‘Are they ready for me?’ Poe asked with a grin, ‘We’re going to tell them the casino story again, but this time we’ve filled BB8 with coins and he is going to spit them out into the crowd!’   
  
‘They’re ready for you.’ Rey said and gestured for Poe to go before them.   
  
Rey and Ben stood in the doorway watching the enthralled faces listen to Poe’s dramatic retelling of the story of Finn, Rose and BB8’s desperate attempt to save the resistance, back when things had been so different from the scene Rey saw before her. 

  
‘I never saw my story ending here.’ Rey said leaning her head against her husbands chest with a soft sigh.    
  
‘Me neither.’ Ben said as he kissed the top of her head, ‘It’s beyond anything I ever could have imagined, and I don’t think our story has ended yet...I think it’s only just beginning.’ He said, as their son turned back to look at them both with a loving smile.

  
**********


End file.
